Honestly, I don't know how to review this "poem", but I will try my best.
I think everyone has the right to a personal opinion as long as it doesn't hurt others and I also think that people shouldn't change their actions/opinions just to be favorized by others(in this girl's case, she decided to wear make-up because a person told her that she looks tired when she didn't cover her face with cosmetics).
Your poem is written as two dialogue lines between a male and a woman.
The line "I want a girl with a natural look, makeup isn't honest.", spoken by the male, represents his personal opinion about cosmetics and what women shouldn't wear. Maybe "make-up isn't honest" is way too much(Personally, I never heard someone saying that). Maybe you should've placed "make-up isn't honest" in a more...delicate way.
The line "sorry hun, but when I wore a fresh face, you told me I looked tired." represents woman's answer to the male. It also represents her choice to wear make-up after he told her that she looks "tired" without cosmetics on her face. Then, if the woman wants to express her freedom and the right to an own opinion and action, why did she change when the male told her that she looks tired without make-up?
It confuses me a little.
However, maybe you should try to rethink and rewrite the poem because I think the message you wanted to transmit isn't well expressed in those lines.
I hope you understood what I wanted to transmit and that I didn't bother.
Good luck!
Posted 6 Years Ago
6 Years Ago
Hi jes! thank you very much for reading over my poems, and giving good feedback, I truly appreciate .. read moreHi jes! thank you very much for reading over my poems, and giving good feedback, I truly appreciate it. I do completely understand what you're saying. This poem is not meant to be directed as what people should follow, at all. I wrote the poem with these two lines, because from lots of experience in our society, I and others have sadly seen or heard lots of men (not all men), or even some women say will say that they prefer when women have a more natural look. However, when they decide not to wear any makeup, they are told they look tiered, or need some sleep, or don't look as "pretty". This then applies a stress on lots of women, because they are told they shouldn't wear lots of makeup, but when they don't, they aren't considered "as pretty". Women then often feel as if they need to wear at least a bit of makeup to look "acceptable". I am not encouraging this statement AT ALL, I believe it is just a very sad part of our society, that I am trying to point out, as I'd like to one day make a change with this issue! I understand why you think saying "makeup isn't honest" is too blundt, however in this poem it is meant to be blundt to show how it has been said in our society. And I am aware, not everyone is like the people in my poem, and the girl in this sadly caves in to wearing makeup to please the beauty appeals of this man. Thank you once again for sharing your thoughts, I will definitely think about a different approach to this type of poem. :)
6 Years Ago
Hello.
Now I am able to understand.
Well, as I Said before, the message is good, you .. read moreHello.
Now I am able to understand.
Well, as I Said before, the message is good, you should work only for a Better way to express.
☺️
I hope my words can inspire and introduce new perspectives and ideas to the world!! I'd love to eventually start a movement using my words and art, and potentially with the help of others!!
I've j.. more..