A couple suggestions?
All your stanzas have an ABCB rhyme scheme except for the first one. You might want to change the last line in that 1st stanza to something like, "I want my sweetheart back"
Also, I know spelling doesn't count in poetry, in fact, you can even make up your own words, but the last word on the last line should be cries.
Posted 8 Years Ago
2 of 2 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
thank you karen,lol,learn something every day..never heard of a scale,but it sounds nice
i am.. read morethank you karen,lol,learn something every day..never heard of a scale,but it sounds nice
i am a total ameatur
Just had to listen to that song... twice. Think it needs to be added to my list of favourites for this new year - sighhh. The lyrics are just wonderful, a sadness of words, ripe and appropriate for lovers parted whether present, past or .. who knows. As to the musical phrasing.. isn't it just perfect ... 'to past some time.. ' just stays in place musically and lyrically. Oh my...
Third listen. That exchange at the end? It just wraps the meaning of the song in place and emotion.
Posted 8 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
thank you emma,a great song for a not so great write !
I so remember how songs would affect us especially when broken hearted.Personally I shed many tears while standing in the cold falling rain great work word
I do understand this poem. Many of us had cried in the rain for things lost. Great song and poetry my friend.
Coyote
Posted 8 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
thank you john,i`m sure we`ve all been there a time or two
got the inspiration from your grea.. read morethank you john,i`m sure we`ve all been there a time or two
got the inspiration from your great write will you love me tomorrow !
8 Years Ago
Great music does help us write poetry my friend and you are welcome.
"true love never dies" .. your poem is simple in words ..so frighteningly vulnerable ... the reading is smooth as Conway's deep base ... I can hardly tell you how personally this seamless match of song and poem affects me ... so i sit here now a puddle ... it happens every time this song plays .. thank you for this wonderful post ..I am putting it in the ol' library for sure ..
E.
just ask, golden glove boxer years ago,us army veteran ,a contractor is how i make my living,
i am an amateur writer.. been here since june of 2013,couldn`t write then,still can`t.but who cares
i .. more..