A couple suggestions?
All your stanzas have an ABCB rhyme scheme except for the first one. You might want to change the last line in that 1st stanza to something like, "I want my sweetheart back"
Also, I know spelling doesn't count in poetry, in fact, you can even make up your own words, but the last word on the last line should be cries.
Posted 8 Years Ago
2 of 2 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
thank you karen,lol,learn something every day..never heard of a scale,but it sounds nice
i am.. read morethank you karen,lol,learn something every day..never heard of a scale,but it sounds nice
i am a total ameatur
stellar write...I love the use of "color me sad" --
this is very evocative of the perhaps regret at what could of been...
or missing a significant other due to circumstances.
either way, great use of imagery and lyrical flow.
thanks for your gracious comment s upon my writes...
and for sharing - X - miss. barrie
reading this poem, I wondered if it was humanly possible for a departed loved one to resist coming back.
such a moving piece wordman. long time no see.
just ask, golden glove boxer years ago,us army veteran ,a contractor is how i make my living,
i am an amateur writer.. been here since june of 2013,couldn`t write then,still can`t.but who cares
i .. more..