A couple suggestions?
All your stanzas have an ABCB rhyme scheme except for the first one. You might want to change the last line in that 1st stanza to something like, "I want my sweetheart back"
Also, I know spelling doesn't count in poetry, in fact, you can even make up your own words, but the last word on the last line should be cries.
Posted 8 Years Ago
2 of 2 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
thank you karen,lol,learn something every day..never heard of a scale,but it sounds nice
i am.. read morethank you karen,lol,learn something every day..never heard of a scale,but it sounds nice
i am a total ameatur
Hi, Ron!
Lyrically speaking, the word painting of your pen takes me easily into the moment created for imagination to step seamlessly through.
There is something about this kind of dark rain that sets the emotional mood, creating an atmosphere so alluringly real to the senses I can virtually feel the ache and loneliness of sad yearning that pervades so deeply within, it actually embraces the soul, drenching the spirit with dark, forlorn tears.
Man! I need to read more of you! You truly can paint some real-feeling imagery into the mind's-eye, My Fine Poet Friend … a thousand thanks to you for sharing this little beaut! ⁓ Richard
(psst! make the last word "cries")
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Hi Richard!
Your review is poetically insightful.l am new here.l'll be glad to receiv.. read moreHi Richard!
Your review is poetically insightful.l am new here.l'll be glad to receive your critique on my poem which l'll be posting soon.
8 Years Ago
I recommend that you first read the "About Me" section on my Profile page, Chinny!
This sounds more like a Texas song than a Georgia song. Kidding. I like how I didn't even notice you used soul as your last word in the 2nd, 3rd and 4th paragraphs until I went up to find something to critique. It just read cleanly. I enjoyed it.
I can tell you're a strong man, like a watchful musky ox watching over the prairie at dusk... ensuring the safety of all the musky oxen under your watchful musky eye....
Such a gross enjoyment of pleasure it was, of mine, to read you my sweet musky ox of a man....
I will treasure it forever in your graceful memory.
A couple suggestions?
All your stanzas have an ABCB rhyme scheme except for the first one. You might want to change the last line in that 1st stanza to something like, "I want my sweetheart back"
Also, I know spelling doesn't count in poetry, in fact, you can even make up your own words, but the last word on the last line should be cries.
Posted 8 Years Ago
2 of 2 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
thank you karen,lol,learn something every day..never heard of a scale,but it sounds nice
i am.. read morethank you karen,lol,learn something every day..never heard of a scale,but it sounds nice
i am a total ameatur
I let you go
and now my heart is broken
The rain is falling,
now I'm crying
---
And now I wanna go to Georgia to see the cold rainy night. It's just that there are times that the rain keeps on reminding us of people we should have never let go.
A very romantic. There is always something that brings that special someone to mind, that someone who we should have never let go. If only......haunt. Fabulous write!
HansJizzy and ANTO are one and the same. ANTO blocked someone who had never commented on his stuff, at exactly the same time as HansJizzy did.
avoid! avoid!
Posted 8 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
anto is not hans jizzy aka t k little aka david demers,you have one post and one friend
you d.. read moreanto is not hans jizzy aka t k little aka david demers,you have one post and one friend
you don`t know me from adam,i would figure you as demers..anto hates his guts as most of us here do !
just ask, golden glove boxer years ago,us army veteran ,a contractor is how i make my living,
i am an amateur writer.. been here since june of 2013,couldn`t write then,still can`t.but who cares
i .. more..