If You Were Mine

I look into your eyes

I see the pain with in

let me hold you sweet heart

tonight I will be your friend

If you were my girl

if your love was mine

my eyes could only see you

my heart would be blind

A sweet kiss each morning

hold you tight at night

we would slip nude in our hot tub

on a moon lite night

If you were my girl

if your love was mine

I would love you forever

if only you were mine...

Reviews

[Pryde Foltz]

You are such a romantic fellow and your ability to write love lyrics is par excellence. Just beautiful.

[wordman]

thank you pryde I am the wordman

[just Penny]

this is beautifully written with gently romantic sentiments that resonate deep within and had me sighing quite a bit too. (Typo last line "we're", make it "were"). I enjoyed the read very much :) Penny

[wordman]

thank you for reading penny

[Aethereal]

Your poem senses her distress, and tries to lure her into your world: I was inspired to write this gift poem for you to keep as your own: It’s a rewrite of your first verse:

Rendezvous

Sad revealing eyes
show me your chagrin
under muffled cries.
Hold my hand again.

[wordman]

and a beautiful verse it is and thanks

[Aethereal]

Your welcome! It's much better to imply friendship and love within a poem without saying the words outright. Don't just say pain, but try to imply what kind of pain. Here, I kept my syllable count the same throughout, and all stress points were in line. It sings!

[wordman]

point taken,thanks

[wordman]

not a student of writing don`t know a lyric from a tanka from a senry I just write what I feel