Alexander

This is a story that has been playing in my head for a long time.

 

              Alexander

 

The swinging of the bird feeder had such a calming effect on me that I didn't notice the open window across the room, or the unusually warm breeze, for quite some time. I just stood there, staring, as the seed-filled piece of plastic swayed side to side in the fading light. I don't know how long I watched it, seconds or hours – there was no sense of time passing - but I found myself swaying along with it, slowly and rhythmically. Then, the feeder stopped moving, as if an invisible hand had reached out and caught it. I heard a noise behind me, like the flutter of birdwings, and I turned around. There he stood, all of my fantasies, come to life.

In just a quick glance, I took in the strength, the determination, and the strikingly good looks of my dreams, as well as the power and mystery of my nightmares. Here was a man I had never met before, and yet I had known him all my life.

His pale green eyes locked on mine, and I knew that I would get lost in them if I didn't look away. But I couldn't. I don't remember either of us speaking, but suddenly, I understood so much. The fears and desires, the strange visions that would appear in my mind unbidden – it all made sense now. After what seemed like a lifetime, he looked past me, through he window into the yard, where I had been watching the bird feeder. It was much darker outside, and I could barely make out the shape of the feeder as it began swinging again. I turned back to face him, and he was gone – all that was left was a warm breeze and a fragrance I've only experienced in my dreams. Had someone actually been standing here? Had my obsession truly come to life? Or was it my imagination, causing me to see things not only in my sleep, but when I was awake as well?

I shook off the uneasy feeling I was beginning to get, and sat down in the window seat to think about what had, or maybe hadn't, just happened. Why hadn't I said something? Why hadn't he said something? Because there were no words to be said. Thoughts and feelings passed between us silently, and it was so natural that there was no need to question it. Alexander was no longer only a thought, or a fantasy. He was real, always had been. And he had come for me. What was I going to do?

Staring into the dark night sky, my mind went back to the summer I turned eight. My parents had taken me to visit my grandparents for a few weeks. Every night, after everyone else went to bed, I would slip outside and sit on the porch roof outside my bedroom window. Watching the stars was wonderful. They were so beautiful. I began to feel that I was not alone, but I never saw anyone. I never told anyone about it. Somehow I knew that it was a special secret, just for me. After we went back home and I returned to school, I forgot all about this unknown, unnamed presence.

When I was in my mid-twenties, I began having nightly “visitations”. First, it was the same quiet knowledge that I was not alone. Then the dreams started. I was with a tall, handsome man, with pale green eyes and light brown hair that glistened in the candlelight. Sometimes we would be dancing in a fancy ballroom, with dozens of gowned ladies and uniformed gentlemen. Other times we would be in a forest, walking for miles along a creek bed. Then, the dreams became nightmares.

We were being chased on horseback, Alexander and I, and the terror was overwhelming. I would wake up in a cold sweat, heart pounding, and there was that fragrance – warm, masculine, unexplainable. Every few nights I would have the dream again. Alexander on a big white horse, being hunted down like a wild animal. Me, riding alongside him, also being chased. For what purpose, I couldn't imagine. The mob after us would be shouting horrible names at us, crying out, “Die, you inhuman monsters. Die!”

Then one night, the nightmare changed. Instead of the prey, we were the hunters, and no one was safe. Village to village we went, in search of our next victim. Nightmare to nightmare, there were some things that never changed. My beautiful Alexander was always right beside me, protecting me, keeping me safe. He never left me, even for a moment. In the morning when I woke up I could still feel his presence, strong and comforting. The intense emotions we shared when he held me close could never be matched in any of my waking attempts at relationships.

After several months, the dreams changed again. We were running again, running for our lives. This time there were more of us being pursued, but the reason was a little clearer. In the beginning, we had been the same as everyone else – normal, accepted. Human. What happened to us is still a mystery. Did we change? Or was our secret identity discovered? Whatever happened, it was reason enough to require our destruction. Through it all, Alexander and I were together, inseparable.

The nightmares stopped after almost two years. Frightening as they were, I almost welcomed sleep. I knew that when I closed my eyes, my Alexander would be there, waiting for me. When the dreams stopped, I thought I was alone again. But I could still feel his presence, especially in times of fear or stress. It had been nearly ten years since I'd had my last Alexander dream. I thought of him often. He was the reason I was still alone. What living human male could possibly measure up to the power of my imagination? In one way or another, every man I met fell short. I knew it wasn't logical to expect anyone to be Alexander. At the same time, it wouldn't have been fair to someone if I were always comparing him to the perfect man, who only existed in my fantasies.

Until tonight. He was here, in this room, and he knew. He knew my memories, my dreams,my heart. He would be back. Only this time, it wouldn't be in my dreams. It would be for real. Alexander had told me so. I could feel it deep in my soul, that he had come for me. We would never be apart again.

Author's Note

I personally think my ending is a bit lame, but even though I have given it a lot of thought, I still haven't been able to come up with something I am happy with. Open to suggestions.