Borrowed Time

Some have been curious.

My dreams have always
been writer's dreams: colorful,
vivid, ironic,

visionary and
heavy with foreshadowing.
My early twenties

a sodden nightmare,
drinking away love, children,
family and home.

In dream of chaos,
Spirit I had not yet met
led me down the Way

I had been choosing;
brought me to its granite-cold
game-over ending.

Read my name, saw the
year of birth, but was taken
before I could read

the full final year.
But it began with nineteen.
Waking, shivering,

I could still feel the
achingly frigid tombstone
beneath trembling hands.

Despite the warning,
I carried on as I had,
fearing, ignoring

my destination.
Time was too short in my life
to be concerned with

anything except
living as I damned well wanted.
Kept suffering deep

and often, wondered
about those friends who shook their heads
at me, and kept theirs.

Came the day when the
wonderful awareness awoke
the Spirit in me

to receive the love
the Universe had flooded,
floated, immersed me

in my entire life,
as I slaked my thirst other
ways. I drank my fill

of freshened water,
the first of many rebirthings.
Pulled to solid ground,

slowly by slowly
I stood on my own again,
learning how to live

as the child I was,
adult in years, juvenile
in thought and action.

Sixteen years along
my journey brought me to a
terrifying day:

The thirty-first of 
December, modern era
nineteen ninety-nine.

I went home early,
away from Amateur Night
revelers driving,

and locked myself in,
calling friends and asking them
to call tomorrow.

I watched the ball drop
for the first time in many years...
and cried like a fool.

My Way is not yours,
and can never be.  My time
since is borrowed time;

I sign off on the
loan every morning I'm here.
Eastern spirit has

burnished my tarnished
soul, shining not removing
the dents and scratches

it's picked up during
the trip. Why Oriental
forms? You might have guessed.

Why write of Spirit
and of flesh?  Both are with me
as I carry on.

I must share borrowed
time for it to have meaning.
Blessed I am, having
found a place, a peaceful spot
and people with which to share.

Reviews

[...]

. you know, monsieur joel, whenever i visit your universe of verse, i know that you'll show me a new hue of the universe ... sometimes, i don't see it instantly, as has happened in the case of your epic -- i thought i had to fight with God -- and said so too in my review only to find later that God was on my side and it was i who needed fixing and it was mr. davis who helped me understand where i was going wrong but i'll leave that for that post ... returning to this one, i experience that "wonderful awareness" when i read your words ... each and every time ... i was "juvenile in thought and action" too ... you said it so perfectly ... sometimes, i think that those of us who have experienced that are the only ones who can transcend that ... oh, that moment of "crying like a fool" is such a rare and precious moment ... yes, our time is "borrowed time" ... and ... the "burnished my tarnished soul" senryu is my favourite because of personal reasons ... and how brilliantly you show the reader the light and dark ... the yin and yang of it all ... your words are with me "as i carry on" ... i am blessed too ... i cherish your presence in my universe of verse ... and in my universe ... you are just so special and precious, monsieur joel ... you remind me of gratitude and how amazingly significant and meaningful it is ... this is a spectacular piece and i must thank you infinitely for it ... because it empowers me in more ways than you can imagine ... this is about balance ... that exquisite balance we all need for inner peace ... thank you so much for this post ...

[Joel M Frye]

I am blessed, too, for having you cross my path this time around, mlle. serah. Your poet's eye and soul has taught me much of love and devotion...commodities sorely lacking in my education. I never got to learn those by example; I now must learn them by watching and emulating their outward manifestations, and hoping that some alchemic miracle will allow them into my heart. You are one of my sensei in these matters. Thank you.

[...]

. oh, monsieur joel ... there's so much magic in you ... i see it all the time ... and learn from you ... am humbled by your kind words for me ... you are super precious ... every time i hear from you, i feel like the universe sent me joy ... such is the power of your presence in my universe ... thank you for being there for me ...

[...]

And I, for one, am blessed by your sharing :)

[Joel M Frye]

thank you most kindly, lynn.