"Still Connected?"

You want to make him alive, but he's gone forever.

Do you ever feel something strange when you're in a place where your love of your life once had been there? Or something like touching the things that once he had touched. Or riding in a bus he had ridden in before. Even for just a sliver moment, did you feel connected to him? It's weird right? But it does feel good because, though it doesn't add up, you feel that you're with him. That the thread that once had been severed, is knotting itself to the other half. It may not as perfect as it was before, but the feeling of having him there has not been changed. The feeling of his eyes watching you from a distant give you a jolt of excitement and jovial. The feeling of his lips curving to a smile that makes your heart thrums like a drum. Yet, you quite know, indeed, that he's not really there.

Sometimes, being in love gives us crazy hallucinations of things to be alive again, though they're extinct a very long time ago. It's not that we lost our sanity, but it's our safe haven. To think that they exist, or still is. To think that when we turn our heads and wander our eyes, we can see their faces that we've loved the most. To ease away the pain of what reality chucks to us: THEY'RE NOT COMING BACK. MOVE ON. Yeah. Move on? Easier said than done. Let me ask you one thing. How can you move on, if your life is behind you? It's so hard that you just choose to die, than to forget someone who introduce you to life. A life full of happiness and blissfulness. A life which thought you how to kiss, hug, hold hands and stroke hair. A life which thought you how to say, “I love you.” A life full of you and him. Now. How? I don't think that you didn't think of moving on. I know you've always thought of that. But every time you try, you've always failed. I know why? Because every time you close your eyes, all you can see is him. And every time you open it, his smile says good morning to you. And all the things that you've wanted to forget about him, they will again reassert themselves like floating ball. No matter how you make it sink, it will just float over and over again. Eventually, you just see yourself, giving up.

We don't know when we can move on and wholeheartedly leave everything behind us. And we'll be alright from there. Incidentally, we also don't know when the pang of pain stop stabbing our heart like thousands of knives. Or when our eyes cease to well up like a stream. We are chasing for an unknown time of our recuperation from an illness that is incurable. Because the only cure is gone with the wind. The circumstances has blown him away from us, an occurrence that we cannot obstruct. There are myriad of times, we don't want to wake up, and reach each morning without him. So we sleep, hoping that our eyes will seal forever, and dream of him. Evermore.

Torment is hastily creeping into you, without stopping, like blood navigating in the veins. You can feel your heart whips no more. It peters out to chant the lovely rhythm you'd had beforehand. Rather, it hums a flat refrain, a dead pulse.You feel dead, though your still alive. You're like a withered flower, that you think the sun, air, water have already given up to keep you from death. Actually, they didn't. You just repudiate them from rendering a help. You bar your eyes and your heart from everything around you. You shut your whole world, and forbid to circle. But I know, you know that somewhere in your heart's depth, you want to be found and deliver from this metal cage. Well, let me tell me you this. The fact that you could still open your eyes, it's God's way of saying, “You have me. Let's face another tomorrow.” Hurry up and realize it. Realize that you're not alone. Whenever you think that the one you love the most has already left you, overlooking that there's someone, highest above all, who loves you the most is hereabout. Waiting for you to recognize him. Waiting for you to look overhead. Waiting for you to put your hands together and kneel. And breathe a word of prayer, “Please take away the pain.”

At the end of the day, realizations and answers will dawn to you from the question, “Why can't I move forward? How can I do that?”It's because you still try to make him alive. You still make him exist in your side. You're building a world full of him. You should put a stop to it. You should wake from this infinite trance. Hurry up and do it. Turn him to memory, a beautiful memory. From there you're gonna step forward towards tomorrow. New day. Away from past. Away from him.

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[Rache David]

This is not totally a story.. This kind of an essay..
Hope you'll read it still..
:-)