My Death Lullaby

A Story by wonderzz

A sad fiction short story about music and love. Please enjoy...

My Death Lullaby

“After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.”

Adam, can you hear me? I stood restlessly under the silent blue sky as I played the last painful, yet powerful note. The note that ended the lonely piece of music which was full of magic; the type of magic which expressed emotions and spoke words louder than my dead voice. Time is ticking by...I turned around as I placed the vulnerable violin back into its warm case.

“Let’s begin our one last journey,” I whispered as I looked up at the unreachable, empty sky once again.

Adam, let’s play the last note together...I held my arms high, attempting to reach the impossible but my only goal. My vision blurred as I covered my face with my sweaty hands. Glimmering tears streamed down my face, reflecting the pain that my shattered heart endured from the moment I touched the violin.

“I’m ridiculous,” I said with a pathetic smile as the ceaseless music notes began to echo in my head.

Smile. Smile, Alicia. You’ve got to shine. I looked at the silly girl reflected on the mirror with excitement. The absence of Adam contradicted my mind as it kept reiterating the name “Adam” at the rate which my heartbeat pounded. Stop, Alicia. I walked towards the door as I tried to let the music notes flood into my head once again. Standing right in front of the door, my heart was drenched with torment, knowing that this was it. However, with a mind filled with curiosity, I slowly opened the door full of sparkles. The door which defined the key of my life.

The stage light shone sharply above the empty spaces on stage, alluring us to stand under it in order to create magic for the audience. Tap. Tap. Tap...Adam looking down ghostly at the music sheet as he played the invisible piano keys placed above the stacks of music sheets.

“Are you excited? This is the first time we actually performed together!” I spoke with a beaming smile while looking out at the silent audience.

Tap. Tap. Tap…

“Do I look good in this dress? My mom bought it just for this performance,” I spoke louder this time to catch his attention as I twirled around to show off my angelic dress.

Tap. Tap. Tap…

“You’re rude. Are you ignoring me?” I whined as I tilted his head up violently, making his head hit against the wall.

“What are you doing? You know I’m not ready yet! Ouch, that hurts by the way,” Adam protested as he rubbed his bumped head and proceeded on with playing his invisible piano.

“Look up, look at me,” I whispered as I bring my face closer to his worried face. Can you hear my heart Adam? Can you see what you’ve done to me through my eyes? “The music is already imprinted somewhere in our hearts. I know you and I can do it,” I whispered softly again as I looked into his deep, blue eyes...searching for an answer. I pulled myself back together and stepped away confidently from Adam, allowing the music notes flow into his body again. The silence from the audience, the music in my head, the sound of my heartbeat gave us permission to begin our last journey together; to end our last journey together.

“Look up, the world is waiting for our magic,” I walked towards the stage of my life as the light welcomed us. I took a deep, chilling breath and walked to the other side of the world with no regrets. I walked to the other side of the world hearing Adam’s soft footsteps while carrying a soul of music and love.

Grazioso

The silence was ours to destroy when our hearts were ready for a new journey. I took a deep breath and brought the bow up slowly to the silent violin while looking at the audience with determination. A determination to express our hidden emotions from a magical adventure of music. Look up, I reminded Adam through our invisible bond as we made a quick eye contact that allowed me to take the first, magical step. Ba dum, ba dum,...like the melody of raindrops...like a nostalgic lullaby...As we approached the destination of our last journey, my mind started a new adventure of it’s own by replaying the sparkling memories. I slowly sank into the world of the past filled with music.

Allegretto

“What are you doing? You’re crazy!” Adam shouted at me as I climbed over the fence, ready to jump into the cold yet lively river.

“Want to try?” I offered my hand with a curious smile worn on my face.

“No! It’s cold, if you didn’t notice,” Adam looked away stubbornly, rejecting my kind offer as usual.

“Ha! You’re such a coward!” I shouted loudly while throwing myself into the thin, cold air as the cruel gravity pulled me down, not allowing me to fly. I dove into the icy body of water with a relieved smile as I heard Adam screaming at me. This was freedom.

“AHHHH!..”

I pushed myself back out of the water when I noticed Adam falling towards me in an instantaneous speed. I stared unbelievably at the screaming body falling down into the freezing body of water.

“Oh my god, that was scary,” Adam said quietly as he was breathing heavily, recovering from that fall of blankness, rethinking what he had just done.

“You did it,” I said with an unbelievably tone while walking slowly towards him. Before I was able to reach for him, I started to laugh uncontrollably due to no particular reason. Adam looked at me with confusion but started to laugh with relief too. Our laughter made us forget our surroundings, our pains, and the world.

Crescendo

We were approaching the end of our last journey as the last, painful note was coming after us. While playing the music piece, emotions hidden in my heart were expressed as the audience listened and felt it. Adam, can you hear me now? I went on a guideless journey of the emotional past once again. But this time, there was no sparkles in it.

Grave

Walking down the dark alley of the hospital, reality had woken me up from the fantasy world I’ve been dreaming about. I started to tremble uncontrollably as the cold wind brushed my bare skin lightly. Why? Why now? I resisted the fate of reality and found myself screaming internally, disrupting the peaceful silence. I continued fighting against reality as I walked firmly down the still hallway with sorrowful rage. Unexpected, angry tears started to stream down my pale cheeks; signalling that the unfair reality won. As I tried to take another firm step, my legs lost its power and my weak body slammed onto the floor. I started to calm my breathing, persuading my mind that it’s just an accident while attempting to climb back up. My legs, I can’t...I commanded my legs again to move itself but nothing happened.

“What’s happening?” I questioned unbelievably at the stillness, expecting a reasonable answer out of silence. My mind went blank as I stared into darkness, knowing that this was it. Instead of resisting the reality of fate, I found myself wondering what I wanted.

“Adam…” I whispered into the blackness as if he was my only light, as if he was the solution to all problems. Adam, where are you now? Are you thinking about me? Painful tears started to streamed down my face as I allowed my body to collapse on the cold, still floor. Adam, would you stay with me forever? Wishing for the impossible, my weak heart began to throb ceaselessly.

Just one last journey with me, Adam...I pleaded for a miracle as I drifted into the world of ceaseless blackness.

Sforzando

SCREECH...That was my last, painful note which ended our precious, last journey together. The audience stared at me with horror and confusion while I looked down in lost confusion. I could feel the tension of Adam’s surprised yet disappointed stare behind me. Everything was lost, everything ended in chaos. I lost the last note...Standing with disbelief, I attempted to step out of this darkness. Look up...Before I could escape, my whole body fell into undefined blankness.

Disappointment. Lost. Confusion. Blank.

Allargando

Hours. Days. Weeks. All I’ve done was lying lifelessly on a ghostly white bed--regretting the late note, enduring the loneliness pain, yearning for dream-like comfort in silence. Music was unreachable, so was Adam. I was a lost bird in the dark without music as my mind stayed blank, ready for the end of this sickening fate. It was the matter of days before this ends, I whispered painfully to my heart as I looked out the window, searching for hope.

“Miracles, fantasies, they were never…” I whispered to persuade myself that giving up is probably the best choice.

“Why are you whispering to yourself?” Adam asked softly with a gloomy expression worn on his face as he entered the lifeless room. While my heart skipped a beat, I managed to return back to my old, optimistic self before suspicions were made. Fate, you’re cruel...I’m getting my hopes up again, I thought concerned as I stared at Adam’s worried face looking down. Look up…

“Nothing, what took you so long to come visit?” I asked with a whiny voice while feeling jubilant by heart. Adam answered the question with silence and the gloominess aura surrounding him. I looked at him with confusion as I turned around to look at the window of the world, searching for an answer again.

“Are you okay?” Adam finally asked with a soft voice, breaking the glass of silence wall. Thinking about the question, unexpected tears suddenly started to form in my eyes. Do I look okay?

“No,” I answered truthfully in a barely audible voice as I tried to reach for him. He’s so close, yet so far...Tears continued to blur my vision, forcing me back to the darkness without my light. “No,” I repeated as I searched for his precious touch.

“Alicia…” He finally came over to stand by my side, providing the comfort I yearned for eternity. I pulled over the blanket that covered my weak, pale body as I attempted to step down from the bed. “What are you trying to do?” Adam asked in a confused tone. Without support, I succeeded in standing firmly on the cold floor barefooted. I smiled hopelessly as the tears dried on my face, leaving a salty texture. I looked up to meet Adam’s sad, confused eyes as I positioned my hand to form a air violin and a bow. While moving my right arm delicately with the right fingerings, I hummed out the tone of that one note. I’ve managed to play that one last note perfectly without any regret as I let out a sigh of relief; a sigh of feeling accomplished.

“There,” I stood while breathing heavily as if that one note took a lot of effort. Before I knew it, my body fell apart as my knees fell onto the floor once again.

“Woah, Alicia?” Adam hurried himself closer to me as he guarded me with his warm arms. I leaned into him while smiling shyly as I felt my heart throbbed constantly.

“You’re a part of me,” I whispered as I closed my eyes, enjoying his warmth. “You go to the Courage Bridge everyday. You like to feed the birds once a week. You love egg sandwiches...What else do you like? What kind of TV show do you watch? What is your favorite animal? What kind of stuff do you collect?...There’s still so much I don’t know,” I murmured as I tightened my grip that’s holding on his arm, feeling my heart breaking apart. “I still want to know...so many things about you,” I uttered quietly as my body started to tremble ceaselessly while helpless tears started to stream down my cheeks. “I’m scared...I’m so scared...Don’t leave me all alone…” I protested as I looked desperately at Adam’s miserable eyes that’s reflecting a desperate, hopeless girl.

“Alicia,” Adam whispered soothingly as he caressed my hair with his soft hands. Just like that, the pain ended but the throb of my heart didn’t.

Ritard

A goodbye, I thought to myself as I forced my hand to grip on the pencil. Hold it properly, I flattened the paper and started to write in the best handwriting I had. “Dear Mister Adam,” I wrote as a smile formed on my face. Mister Adam...My heart skipped a beat while the image of Adam playing his piano appeared in front of me. You’re the only one that matters...I closed my soaring eyes as I visualized all the unforgettable memories we had together. I poured all my emotions on to the blank paper, only knowing what to write at the end.

I love you Adam, so please look up. Look at me.

Fine

It is ending...I could feel it in my soul while staring up at the wall of imagination, anticipating my destiny.

“RING!!” My cellphone rang, breaking the wall of silent imagination and anticipation.

“Hello?” I answered in a weak, hoarse voice as I struggled to hold the phone with my weak arms. Melodic piano keys rang in my ears while my heart started to throb after identifying who owned it. Adam...As the music went on, it told its own story as I listened to it carefully; it told Adam’s story. I laid back down on to the bed with my eyes closed, envisioning Adam playing his piano. His inscrutable expressions, the emotions expressed in the story, the movement of his fingers...When I opened my eyes, the vision was blur again, bringing me back to darkness. Adam, I wish I could be by your side forever...Tears started to overflow the throbbing of my fragile heart as the word forever kept haunting me down. It hurts....so much...I tried to breath as if there’s no oxygen…until Adam’s music healed me. As always, it calmed me down like how lullabies calmed babies. Was I able to reach you? In that instant, I felt nothing--there was no painful throbbing in my heart, sorrowful feelings, or miserable regrets. There was blankness.

Adam, you were my death lullaby.