Mayhap lad Mayhap

A short story ,my first . An old mans view of shopping

no more he said with a sigh ,no more.
His feet ached,his body felt as though it had undergone 5 rounds with some unknown foe.
How many miles had he walked ?
how many elbows had poked him and how many toes had he stepped on,
With a savage turn of thought he cried out silently,drawing out each word "No more,enough I have had enough", he drew breath and readied a scream fit to shake the very corners of heaven itself.
And then it appeared, as if in a dream , beckoning to him calling, crooning  it's voice seductive and low "Come"
There It stood, red,bright and bold, waiting, beckoning, light glistening of it , "come" it said "let me rest your weary bones and bring relief to that poor tired and battered frame" and  finally with a huge sigh of relief he succumbed to it's charms, it's quiet seduction ,promising to himself that next time ,next time he would scream.
he sat, his eyes closed as if deep in prayer and then he heard it, a sweet angelic voice.
His eyes opened, looking up he saw as if by magic what at first sight appeared  to be an angel sent as if from God himself.
The words she said sounding like poetry, those immortal words, those wonderful glorious immortal words.
"Want a cup of tea love"
Aye! he said " I'd love a cup of tea and a bit of cake please ".
and he realized with a sense of relief that once more he'd survived another shopping trip and that next time, next time she had to get her own shopping.
Chuckling to himself he thought going  to happen one day,
mayhap our kid mayhap.

Author's Note

The punctuation may not be the worlds best, honest opinions are asked for,be gentle this is my first one

Reviews

[B. Maaitah]

it's amazing ! if I had not read the note above that says, it's about an old man shopping.. I would've thought it's a man who's been lost in the desert for quite sometime, who's lost track of home, with no where to rest, and no water to extinguish his thirst... the impact of your detailed and very accurate description was very powerful and it took me step by step, to everything that old man was feeling, physically and mentally... it's lovely I must admit... need to read more of your writings ! :) good job