3 - Sadie

The days following the wolf's reappearance were strange. I noticed movement in the trees that normally I would have put as the wind rustling bushes. But instead of writing it off, I noticed shape to the shadows, and glimmering dots that I normally think are just lights passing through the branches, I notice are eyes. This happened a lot, every time I stared out of the window, I saw signs of the wolf, on the edge of the forest. The realization dawned on me after a few days, that he had always been there. The wolf had always been in the forest, always been moving through the fringe of the trees, watching our house; watching me. I remembered times when I saw paw prints, but just assumed they were from a large dog that had got loose. The prints were huge, bigger than normal dog prints, bigger than large dog prints. I started to draw what I noticed, keeping a visual log of the wolf. The prints, the shadows, the eyes, the occasional glimpse of fur.

 

It was interesting behaviour to me, how this one animal would continue to stay around our house, constantly, without any visible reason for doing so. We didn't have food hanging around, or a pet dog, so there isn't really anything here that it could want. But in a way I'm kind of glad that the wolf was there. It was something to look at, when there was nothing to do. I started to get curious about the wolf, about how big he really was, and how his fur felt. I had decided it was a he, just because of his sheer size, and his body looked thicker than a female.

 

I wasn't allowed out when mum was home, because she was scared that the wolf might come out. I didn't need a brain to figure out that telling her that what I wanted was the exact thing she feared was a bad idea, so I waited till she went to work, mercifully early, and went and sat out on the porch. The second the door shut behind me, a shape detached itself from the darkness of the forest, and the wolf that had been sat there the entire time, made his way towards me. I panicked. What if all it wanted was to kill me? What if it had been stalking me, what if I had read all the signs wrong? What if he really wasn't friendly? Then I saw his tail slowly sweeping from side to side, almost dragging on the floor. I had to risk it; I was too curious, and not afraid enough to run back inside.

 

My heart sped up, and the wolf slowed down to an almost standstill. Surely he hadn't heard my heart? He obviously had, as he stopped, and emitted a low whine, almost too quiet for me to hear. He lowered himself onto his haunches, and then dropped onto his belly, huffing as he did. I noticed he had irregularly sized black circular patches of fur on his left leg. It stood out from his snowy fur; I don't know how I hadn't noticed it when I first saw him, when I was little. The large beast tilted his head, and his tail continued to sweep the floor. He looked at me, and his eyes seemed to be inviting me over. I took a step forward, and his tail sweeping picked up pace. More and more steps, more tail sweeping. I stopped when I was mere inches away from his face, his ice blue eyes penetrating mine. I closed mine, and lifted my hand up in front of me. I left it there for a minute, and slowly peeked out from under my eyelashes to see the wolf's reaction to my gesture. His eyes were closed, like mine. And he slowly lifted his muzzle to touch my hand.

 

Instantly both our eyes shot open, and we took a deep breath. It was like an electric current had run through both our bodies. The contact between us was very little, just my palm on the top of his muzzle, but it felt very strange. It was as if he was filled with energy, and I was tapping into that energy. I slowly started to move my hand along his muzzle, stroking it, enjoying the feel of the soft short fur underneath my palm.

 

Stroking him seemed natural to me, as if I had done it a hundred times. I sat down cross-legged next to the wolf, all fear somehow flushed from my body, and I lifted my hand from his muzzle to the side of his head. He leaned into my hand, humming slightly at the back of his throat. His fur was exactly how I had imagined it. Thick, lush white fur, softer than down. I almost lost sight of my hand as I stroked through his thick pelt, savoring the comfort that it brought to me. I didn't take my hand away for what seemed like a lifetime. Just sat there, in my garden, next to a large wolf. It seemed too far-fetched to be true, but it was happening.

 

When I finally had the restraint to pull my hand away, he tilted his huge head towards me, once more his eyes boring into mine. They seemed questioning, but what? How could an animal have that level of intelligence to question something? I was pondering that, when his ears flicked in the direction of the house. His eyes looked annoyed; whatever had made him prick his ears must have made him angry. With a large huff, the wolf stood up, and I rose with him, moving to give him distance, but he moved with me. He walked into my shoulder, almost like a shove, and I turned to him. He was so close to me, his ivory teeth inches away from my face. But I wasn't scared. He closed his eyes, and nuzzled my face, pushing me back a little bit. Then he walked backwards, retreating.

 

Instantly I wondered what I had done wrong. Had I scared him off? Was I really imagining the more human side of the wolf? Had I missed the fact that it was just as wild animal? He turned and trotted towards the woods, head hanging down below his shoulders, and I let out a sigh, a sigh of wanting. It was strange how connected I already felt to that wolf in such a short time. His ears pricked back at my sigh as he reached the tree line, and he turned to face me. I heard tires on the gravel of our driveway. Mum was back from work, earlier than expected. That was what he had heard! It made sense now why he was retreating. I turned away from the driveway, and whispered "goodbye". Once more, he hid his eyes as he lifted his head, and issued a low long howl. It was his goodbye. But this time, I had a feeling that I would be seeing him again.

 

School had started now, and we were welcomed to the senior year with rain. Torrential downpour on our first week, and showers on our second. All of this would have bothered me, if I didn't have my wolf. Every day mum would leave for work, at 6am, and without fail the second her car had left the driveway, my wolf would emerge out of the trees, and wait on the porch for me.

 

Usually I was already waiting for him, just inside the house, but once, on the third day we 'met', he had to bark, because I was still asleep. The second I heard him I threw my window open, and jumped down to the porch. I had a ledge under my window that lowered to about 6 feet above the porch, so I can just slide down it, and jump. It was one of the days that it was raining, and I was in a vest top and shorts for bed, so I instantly started shivering.

 

My wolf was on the grass, sat down, waiting for me. Still shaking, I sat down next to him, and he moved round so that I was encircled by his thick tail. It was warmer than my bed. I snuggled into the soft down of his fur, and found it hard to stay awake. I just sat with him, stroking him, occasionally talking to him, even though I knew he wouldn't understand me. But he reacted to my emotions. If I was sad, he seemed to notice, and nuzzled me when he saw me.

 

We would sit like that for an hour, and then I had to go to school. It took me 20 minutes to get ready, so at half past seven, I was ready, and threw my stuff in the car. Then I would go to the back garden, where the wolf was, and say goodbye. Normally a scratch behind the ear, followed by a soft (for him) nudge. I'd always wait till he got to the fringe of the forest, when I would whisper my goodbye, and he would return it with a quiet howl. Then I'd drive to school, already missing the companionship of my wolf.

 

Once I was within school grounds though, I had to put my wolf to the back of my mind. I had to focus on my friends. Tara had met me on the first day, with the news that she had met the love of her life. Again. And nick, Lucy, Trey and I all rolled our eyes. This was going to be a long topic of discussion. So for the first few days I didn't have to say much. It was all Tara, pining over her lover, who lived in Michigan. We went to lessons, not much work being set, and spent lunch on campus, just chilling on the grass. More lessons, then the end of day rush. school seemed different than last year. i don't know what it was, but i just felt like something was off. i kept wanting to look at the forest that runs along the back of school (the same one that is behind our house), but i resisted the urge. it seemed stupid to want to stare out of the window into the forest, for absolutely no reason at all, so i got on with my day. then I'd drive home, and sprint to the back yard. The second my foot touched the lush green grass, my wolf would emerge from the shadows, tail wagging, and I'd sit with him for hours, stroking his fur, talking to him about my days. I brought my homework out onto the lawn, and did that with him watching over my shoulder.

 

Sometimes, I'd bring out my stereo, and I would lean against him, just reading a book, listening to the music. Luckily I had an early warning system for when mum is near the house, because the wolf's ears would prick, and he would grumble, deep in his chest. Then I'd pack up my stuff into my bag, and throw it through the open window into the living room. Our goodbye routine was the same every evening. He would walk up to the porch, and I'd scratch under his chin. Then he nuzzled me, and trotted to the tree line. Every time, he'd turn around, and I'd whisper "goodnight", and he would lift his head to the moon, and howl a soft note, before turning once more to the trees, and melting into the darkness.

 

This routine gave my life structure, it was the one thing I could depend on, and this went on for a couple of weeks. Nobody knew about it, probably because they'd all think that I was either lying, or crazy. It was nice having someone to talk to though. I could say anything, and he would just sit there and listen to me, no matter what it was. Occasionally he would start humming in his throat, normally when I started to scratch the side of his head. He was like the silent friend. I knew he would always be there, when I arrived home from school, and when I woke up every morning.

As I got changed before I went to sit with him, it occurred to me that I had no idea where this wolf goes when he has left my yard. Did he have a pack? Did he just go to a cave and sleep? I went outside to meet my wolf, and I wasn't let down. He was sat on the grass, tail beating rhythmically against the grass, and I spent our usual time together, just sat with him. I knew he wouldn't understand me, but I spoke to him as always.

"Where do you go when you leave here? Do you have a family? Are they like you?" I got the usual look that he understood, but with a hint of longing. I had no idea what that meant, so I just ignored it.

"Hmm, it'd be nice to find out....."I stopped talking, realizing how tired I was, slowly drifting off. Within minutes, my eyes had drooped, and I slowly lost consciousness.