The Gloaming

An extremely short piece, inspired by many apocalyptic novels. Since I read the Hunger Games most recently, kudos goes to that. Tries to express a feeling of isolation and alienation.

She breathed in, the cold air spiking deep into her lungs. The clothes and baklava were doing nothing against this cold. She trudged on through the calf-deep new-fallen snow. The only sounds she could hear were the muffled crunches of her boots and her raspy breathing. The quiet softness of snow smothered all other noise.

Don't think about it. Just keep going. Her mantra resonated in her mind. She focused on the details of the pine needles on the trees, flicking from tree to tree as if her mind was a bird trying to stay warm. It had been days since she last ate, since her last thought. It was years past since her last hope. She put that out of mind too. Don't think about it. Just keep going. Get away.

A pair of travelers discovered the footprints. The blood sprinkled about them turned them from their course. They knew someone was in trouble, and heading the wrong way. The snow was settling in the footprints. Their snowshoes and long strides covered the ground quickly. It was getting dark, fast. Pressure built to find the person. They crested a hill, and saw in the distance a lone figure, melting in with gloaming. They called out. The person was gone. The pair gave chase. Only a couple hundred yards. There! There! No! Watch out! The person was gone. The scream echoed. The pair looked at each other and radioed headquarters. Lost another one.

At the bottom of the ravine, she smiled as she gazed into the gray sky, eyes glazing over. The cold settled in. Free at last.

Author's Note

Just a practice piece, to get myself writing. Could end up as fodder for a novel I suppose, if I ever finish the one I'm working on. What aspects of this would you work on? The POV of the girl? Is the ending too cliche?

Reviews

[TheTragicOffense]

I like it as is, but if you want to work on it I think it could make a nice short story. Just add to the beginning, give us some attachment to the characters and I think it'd work great.