Jimmy and the Snow Globe

 

 

I’m guessing this all started when I gave Jimmy that snow globe.  Jimmy is my best friend but we got into many fights over little things.  Now Jimmy’s in a place for psycho because I remember a story my grandpa told me about a man name Bill Kin.  It was three weeks ago Jimmy and I were walking down past the old antique store, when something caught my attention.  It was a snow globe its glass ball was black until you shook it, inside was two people, a boy and a girl, they danced above a little dog that would jump up and down.  When you let the snow globe sit still the water would become black again.  Jimmy’s birthday was tomorrow, so I told Jimmy to run up to the ice cream shop to get us some ice cream.

I went inside the antique store and went up to the store clerk.  He was an old man with a bald head. He wore tinny glasses that sat on the end of his nose so when he looked at you he had to tilt his head back.

“What can I do for you little missy.”  He said.

“Umm how much is the black snow globe?” I said shyly.

“Umm that there is an old misty that globe has been there since the first year this place opened.” He said.  He walked over to the snow globe and brought it over.  He looked at and dusted it off.

“I’d say 30 dollars.” He said.

“Really, wow, that leaves me 10 dollars.  You got a deal.

As I was walking toward the ice cream shop I looked at the snow globe, I looked at the bottom of the globe and noticed the name Bill Kin carved in to it.  This made me think, of my grandpa’s story, and I remember all of them.

“Hay Sally, hello.”  Jimmy yelled.

I had passed the shop and forgot all about Jimmy and the ice cream.  I tried to put the globe back into the box but it was too late.

            “What cha got there Sally, is it my birthday present.” He said anxiously.

            “No, no, yes.” I said willingly.

            “But before you get it, I’ve got to ask my grandpa some thing okay.” I said.

            That night I called up my grandpa and asked him about the sown globe.  He told me the story again. He said Bill Kin was the poorest member of his family and he was a beggar.  One year his family held a family reunion.  His entire family was at this reunion and he was not invited, but he still showed up.  Billy then went psycho and killed every one of his family members, he spared no one.  After he was done he took there family heirloom, a black water snow globe.  The police did an investigation there was one witness, a young boy named J.J Joehanson, who saw everything.  He was kid napped and was never see again.  One day Billy pawned off the snow globe for a lot of money,   the store clerk was killed and the snow globe went missing and then it happed again the snow globe was sole and the buyer was killed this went on until the boy got away and gave Billy Kin up.  Bill died in a hail of gun fire, with the police.

            The next day I went to Jimmy’s house and presented his present. He picked It up and shook it, then he stared to scream at the top of his lungs and saying.

“He’s going to get me, he’s going to get me!”

Jimmy’s mom had to send him to get counseling to find out what is going to get his, but never found out. Sense that did not work they had to put him I a place for psychos. That was the last time I ever saw Jimmy Joehanson.  I never found out what happened and I kept the snow globe.

 

The End

Author's Note

This was a writing assignment for my 10th grade English. that was 2 years ago havent changed it to see how well ive improved.

Reviews

[DiggeyEleven]

The story of how the snow globe came to this antique shop was a little confusing. Try to expand on it, add more detail to how it passed hand in hand. Let us know how some of the clerks died as well, just to add some imagery to the story. It was just a bit too thrown in. Try to imagine every detail of your story, describe your character to us, let us know how when Jimmy looked into the snow globe how the color vanished from his face, how his eyes almost popped out their sockets. Why was he crazy? Did he pull his hair out, calling out Billy Kins name non stop.

Try to revise it a bit, watch the spelling errors, I'm sure it can be a great story because the plot is definitely there.

[KisuKimmi]

In the first paragraph:
Now Jimmy's in a place for psycho because I remember a story my grandpa told me about a man name Bill Kin.

I think you meant psychos... but you keep using the word psycho throughout this story, try to use some synonyms such as:
crazed, crazy, loony, mad, mental, psychoneurotic, psychopathic, psychotic, screwy, unbalanced

In this sentence: That night I called up my grandpa and asked him about the sown globe.
You miss spelled snow

In this sentence:
He was kid napped and was never see again. One day Billy pawned off the snow globe for a lot of money, the store clerk was killed and the snow globe went missing and then it happed again the snow globe was sole and the buyer was killed this went on until the boy got away and gave Billy Kin up.

I think you meant "sold" instead of "sole"

[Changed to a New Accoun..]

interesting...