and

and I stood in the rain laughing
and when the water raced between my legs, i shivered
and my clothes stuck close to my body
and I wanted the water to swim on my eyes
and wide eyed, I looked to the sky
and I looked so pale I was dying
and the booming felt good all around me

and my cat peered out through the window
and I knew that the best was coming

Reviews

[Molafvt]

Wonderful moment in time, fixed and frozen in a flash of inspiration. A story with no beginning and no ending, but a story none the less. This is a brilliant example for all of us that a "story" needn't have either ending, nor beginning to make it a good story. It also tells us that everything and anything is grist for the writers mill. Absolutely ingenious wolfshrew...........! A masterpiece in a microscope.

[Don't find me]

i like the repetition. not painful unless the reader makes it so. you have such beautiful words! looovvveee your poetry.

[D.R. Wilsey Jr.]

To hell with proper grammar and literary rules. It's like a slap in the face to English teachers everywhere who scold you for thinking outside the box. While the conjunction makes it sound repetitive and almost painful, the words following balance it with beauty. If nothing else, it's a good practice in experimentation. How are we to progress if we cannot let ourselves walk on the edge of safety? Interesting piece. Thanks.

[BjH]

the idiot in me reads this as if i have just walked into the room
halfway through a rant
i have no idea where the rant started
but from where it goes i want to know.

"and I wanted the water to swim on my eyes"
this line is too good
just really far too good

benjamin