deprivation for inspiration

Ogling orally over yourself under a spell of the madmen sent straight from hell,
they said, "We are free to track trolls on the morning patrol as long as we are naked and whole".
I laughed to myself with visions fairies stocked up on evil tooth picks for stabbing and searching
for lives worth grabbing.

...on the contrary, I am a woman full of lies and stomach eaten by a proud butterfly...
or two...
or five...

I have sores on my shoulder that are kind of old,
But I never minded them much when I saw them in the light.
They looked like strawberries under pressure,
about to explode with a life ahead of them that is moaning.

Screaming louder,
everytime I touch them gently
everytime I brush over them with my finger tips on fire.

It is delicate,
like the cotton on my panty line 
that leaves a slight imprint
to see when I remove them
the next morning
so I can wash last night away.

Reviews

[Sayre]

I have read 3 of your poems, and this one speaks to me the most. I can close my eyes and see a vivid image of what I think is going on.

The way the poem is laid out is rather impressive too. I've seen far too many pieces of work that seem to have no structure at all, no real organization. Whether or not you intentionally organized the poem the way you did, it came out really well.
This is definitely a piece i will come back to read again, and again.

[Ms. Gruye]

what is most striking about this piece is the way you convey antiquity. not so much in word choice but in the concept they deliver. Fairies grabbing lives, bruises moaning out. I noticed you've selected Neutral Milk hotel in your profile music player, and your work reminds me somewhat of Mr. Magnum's lyrics.

Strangely, pleasantly deviated and bric-a-brac misnomers given their day in the sun.
I do have two suggestions that might make this piece stronger.

The last stanza is spot on perfect, but the first line is cumbersome. I think the "ogling orally" throws me. It's a strange image--not strange in a Diane Arbus good way, but awkward.

Also, this stanza:

"I have sores on my shoulder that are kind of old,
But I never minded them much when I saw them in the light.
They looked like strawberries under pressure,
about to explode with a life ahead of them that is moaning."

I would keep this stanza in present tense to fit with the rest of the poem. Also, I would remove the "Kind of" and rephrase the "I never minded them much when I saw them in the light"--as that is a mouthful that breaks the fluidity of your poem. perhaps:

The sores on my shoulder are old,
But in the light, they look like strawberries under pressure,
about to explode with a life ahead of them that is moaning.

anyways, good write none the less.
Viva la

[KellieJeanne]

Last stanza hit me.
Love it.
There is so many times when a poem is great
and the last stanza or line leaves you hanging,
let's just say,
this is most definitely not one of those poems

[Hedra Helix]

gawd its so fresh and captivating I missed the misspelling of "screaming" or "streaming" on first read.

[Hedra Helix]

I love that! The exclamation point is deliberate.
Gawd thats so rad.

[Wisconsin]

...I have absolutely no idea what's going on...
Good though.