Slurring Spell

it is a game

unravel myself as yearning yarn, its so serene
cover myself in shallow air, its bubbling
picking your pockets with skulls that scream ,its frightening
and i'll seduce you, and reproduce you all over again.

lovely lanterns that break spill bodies with brains
it is put out by lillys that are covered in rain
when dawn breaks its early and we are all still in pain
but i'll seduce us and reproduce us all over again.

barking like babies, wrapped and all cozy.
shaking with rabies, we keep quickly disposing.
magic in numbers, and i keep on dozing.
but we'll seduce them and reproduce them all over again.

Author's Note

and i win and we win and they lose

Reviews

[Eagle Cruagh]

The content is sad, but
the phrasing is beautiful
which demonstrates that
something of life is sweet.

You are a prolific and talented
writer. Please keep writing
until you finally have said it.

Once and for all you will have
said it, made your statement.
Once it is done, sigh, sing
salute the wind and begin
again.

Rate----100 %

------Eagle Cruagh

[JMS]

this shows a point in your work where you are combining the fanciful with the personal, and that is a major step towards becoming universal. there is something catchy in the cadence, there is something in the imagery that pops in the imagination. this is a step in the right direction.

[Stephen Scaggs]

Out of a lot of your poems that I've read so far, this seems to be the most verbose. seeing life through spattered eyes can only heal the sick and love the blind. [: thought you might enjoy that.

aannnyways, i thought you lacked a bit in your word usage. mainly in the third stanza, like you were grasping for words to throw in to rhyme and making a big drowning pool. though i loved the first two stanzas. i rate it 8.5/10

[Sidewalk]

I had to read this about three times, dont know what to make of it. Except it's simple and delicate. the other stuff I've read has been pretty dark. this wasn't. I think you used alliteration really well and I think that's why it seemed to me a little more light hearted. I'm liking this one.

[Hedra Helix]

you handle rhyme in a straightforward way that still manages to twist and turn when read and retains its newness, that's cool.

I dig your voice.

[Anatar]

Unlike the usual poem I observe here, this can be emotional without pitiful. It repeats, but is not redundant. Absent of rhyme, but flows as it does. There is originality about it, and I wish to see it expanded. It is a happy thing to see some competence here, and this piece has enticed me to look at more of your work.