my pale youth

I got stoned in my bedroom
listening to,

'The End of the World' by Skeeter Davis

and repeatedly applied
chilled eye drops
to keep my comfort
available to me.

I swayed back and forth,
my solemn black curls
wrapped around the length
of my neck

and a sudden shindig
for the utmost reminder
that someone no longer
loves you,
takes it's seat inside my head.

Little tins and tubes
of moisturizer
haphazardly dabbed and buffed in,
nourishing the slipping time
of youth,
my pale youth.

Does my desirability deflate
with the loss of my buoyancy and softness?

Please excuse my deficiency
for feeling,

I'm just in a constant test,
for the ability of my heart
and the twisted capillaries
have forgotten their job.


“I can't understand, no, I can't understand how life goes on the way it does”

Reviews

[Roland Petrov]

Teenage angst comes through loud and clear in this one, and I think the last line punctuates that. Since the last line is in quotes, is it perhaps from the song being listened to? I like this poem.

[SuspectGray]

Is there a pattern of paleness in your writing? Remember texture trumps color....

[wolfshrew]

There is. There are certain words and themes I put in my writing a lot. I don't feel negative about having a consistent idea or vocabulary in writing. Color and texture are good interchangeably depending how you use them, in my opinion.

[. serah .]

-- the issue of "desirability" and how any person relates to it is such a complex one... but you narrate your journey with immaculate honesty and earnestness... -- true beauty is what i see on this page...

[W.k.kortas]

Skeeter Davis? Come now, you're a bit young for Skeeter Davis (come to think of it, even I'm a little young for her.) I confess to almost chuckling out loud from the inclusion of "shindig" which is just about as '60s a term as one can drop in a piece. There are sly bits of humor playing around the edge of this piece, but it's far from a frilly and frothy thing. The imagery is wonderfully visual (especially in the first three stanzas) and the use of the language is truly wonderful. I'm curious why you chose to include the final quote--for me it, it feels a bit anti-climatic, and I would consider either cutting it or moving it into the first few stanzas. Still, that's merely one hack's conclusion, and it does not diminish the luster of this piece at all.

[wolfshrew]

Shindig felt so right in the moment, haha. I was pretty stuck on that lyric as I was listening to her and felt like I had to include it. In general, I don't feel like the piece is finished in the way that I'd feel satisfied with, so maybe I just need to work on it more. In the moment, I was anxious to post it though. Thank you for reading it, I always flattered by your feedback.