Castaway

This was largely inspired by the ocean-themed lyrics of the band Dagon http://www.myspace.com/dagonmetal though obviously this doesn't compare favorably with those.

The cries of gulls bewail his fortune

Amongst the flotsam under the burning sun

The rending violence of the tempestuous night

Given testament to by the wreckage in sight

Castaway- sole survivor of the sea

Longs for home and wife does he

Purse of gold finds no price here

Reality twisted by solitude and fear

One thousand days stranded alone

Madness makes treasure of a stone

Castaway- sole survivor of the sea

Now covetous and paranoid is he

Square sails against the distant horizon

Spell doom for mania's adopted son

As the boats row swiftly towards shore

He girds himself with spear for war

Castaway- sole survivor of the sea

Ready to die for his treasure is he

In the first boat a woman seeking to allay her grief

Steps onto this isle as intruder and thief

With fevered eyes he charges across the sands

Her eyes alight as she holds out her hands...

Castaway- sole survivor of the sea

Enraged and murderous is he

With no hesitation and no remorse

From her pierced heart blood does course

The frightened sailors spring to attack

Sabres slash his flesh as axes hack

Castaway- sole survivor of the sea

Claimed in the end was he.

Author's Note

I'm very much a novice, so I'm appreciative of any sort of critique, feedback, ect.

Reviews

[M.Kilani]

good work on the rhyme scheme, images, emotions and thoughts, the repetition of the verses "Castaway- sole survivor of the sea,Claimed in the end was he." is great no mistakes, yet I'd rather read the whole poem in stanzas form makes it easier to read and to adhere the rhyme scheme .
well done

[Yours Truly]

I like this poem. Captures the feelings of a miser being stranded alone on a island, protecting his treasure from outsiders.

[Franklin...]

Thanks for the feedback! I'll edit in the stanzas.