pretty boy

he's so pretty. i wish he loved me back.

pretty boy 

have you heard about my pretty boy?

his eyes, a tenderly delicate caramel brown, flowing away in a sea i'd drown in

his lips an affectionate raspberry flush, stirring like a drink i'd sip on

oh but his hair- satin stygian locks i'd run my fingers through

and pluck a pretty roseate, gentle but bold, flower and plant it in his hair.

then, i'd call him my pretty boy

but to adore a pretty boy, is a kind of blessing that comes along with a curse in itself

you sit and smile at him, and he'd rather be smiling at her

you talk and laugh with him, but he'd rather be kissing her. 

although in this battleground of resentment and love,

the intense strength of love will thrash the envying, come what may 

Author's Note

sorry for grammatical errors i have no knowledge of this whatsoever.

Reviews

[JayG]

• hello! i dont even call my s**t poetry,

Yet you posted it on a writing site, and, list it as poetry. In any case, since you've not yet studied the techniques of poetry that have been developed over the centuries, how can you know if it is or isn't poetry? You're conceding the race before you've begun to run. Poetry, like fiction, dentistry, and every other professional discipline is a learned skill. So...learn.

• i dont have much creativity in me...

I disagree. You created this. Your problem isn't a lack of skill or talent, it's that you're trying to write poetry with no more than the nonfiction writing skills we're given in school as they ready us for employment. So, of course, you use the "let me explain" skills we're given there, because you're unaware there is another approach. As a result, your approach tends to be you talking about what's meaningful and important to you, when you should be making it important to-the-reader. The poet doesn't tell the reader that they cried. They give the reader reason to weep. As E. L. Doctorow said, “Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.” But if we're not aware of that, we'll tell the reader it's raining.

So in the end, as we're taught in school, you're informing the reader when you should be making that reader care and feel. Talent and potential as a poet—even how well you write—don't come into play, which means that it's fixable.

Will that be easy? Of course not. You'll be learning the skills of a profession. But, so what? Learning about something you WANT to do is never a chore. So grab a shovel and start digging. And the best place to begin is with a good book on the basics, like, Mary Oliver's, A Poetry Handbook. You can download a copy from the website listed below, free, to read on a tablet or computer (doesn't work on a phone). In the end, you probably want a copy from Amazon.
https://yes-pdf.com/book/1596

The lady is brilliant, and will have often you shaking your head as you say, "But...how could I not have seen something so obvious?" And in the end, not only will writing poetry become a lot more fun, there will be no doubt that you're writing poetry.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

[kanak!]

hi! i dearly thank you for this review. im always welcome for constructive criticism, although i wouldnt term this as criticism. thank you for taking out time and reading and writing this out. :)