confessions to a ghost...

Today- today i fell like this is all so different.

     as you have said that shall indeed be interesting.

           The wind is blowing in brining the smell of change that rests upon my shoulders seeming to pack me into the ground, become one with the dirt . With the earth and the harm and destruction we bring upon it. The indecesion of humans and wheather or not they believe in THAT. The small flick of doubt that seems to linger within my soul- casting me instantenously away from others whom believe with all their hearts. i wish to have that and be as he wishes me to be- but envy of said desires would make me ever more f a hypocritic than what i am now.

          And i so wish for change, change of whatever it takes to change that doubt in my heart for with all my heart i wish i was still pure. But purity seems so hard to reach, so hard to obtain after all the things i knowingly place myself in.

         This scares me so much --what if i never reach this state of being.

         It kills me to wonder- if the world were to end right now would i end up in a better place. and such doubt leads me to believe that the doubt admist my heart will countine growing.....