What Makes You, You

If only Guang knew that the day when he met Sui would become the only day he was allowed to set foot in the outside world, he might have clung onto Sui tighter. 

The first few weeks Guang was brought into the Dragon Manor, he had trouble adapting back to his normal life. It was a headache for both the overstimulated Guang who hated humans and the household members who had to deal with his tantrums. Not even his parents, who were his blood relatives, could solve this issue. The servants and maids tried their best to serve and please Guang, but only made it worse, because in the first place, they were his reason for acting out.

Guang had readied his heart to tolerate just two humans - his mother and father - into his life, not an army of them! They were everywhere, crawling around the manor like mice. Guang could barely find anywhere he could call ‘safe’. Because of this, he was constantly in a state of fight or flight, easily agitated and would lash out over the slightest inconvenience, even at his parents. 

Despite all the trouble he had caused, no one hated him. No matter how terrible of a tantrum he threw, they would still come back to him. They cleaned him, dressed him, fed him and entertained him, as if nothing had happened. He doesn’t get it. It pissed him off to no end. He can do all of these himself. Why can’t they get the hint and leave him alone? Or perhaps, were they trying to butter him up? If so, it didn’t work on Guang, who knew humans’ true wicked nature. He wasn’t going to be deceived that easily, even if they tried to tempt him with interesting toys, games and kung pao chicken. He would make sure to keep his nose high in the air and storm away in the most dramatic, messiest way possible. He wasn’t going to be tamed by the likes of these humans. In fact, they should know their place. He was only here because Sui wanted him to give them a chance. And at this rate, he was seriously getting second thoughts. 

It only got worse when an especially annoying fly came into the picture. 

A young boy in his early teens greeted, “Welcome back, Master Guang.”

Wordlessly, Guang stared at the boy. “Who are you?”

The boy frowned. “I have heard that you were involved in a terrible accident and have lost your memories, Master Guang. I had wished that wasn't true, but…”

“I said, who are you?”

Guang barely hid his annoyance. His servants had woken him up at the crack of dawn today because, apparently, he had needed to meet someone important. Was this human boy the someone important he had to meet? Had his precious sleep been interrupted because of this measly human?

“It seems that I would have to reintroduce myself. My name is Bo, and I have been your valet since birth. I apologise for my absence for the past few weeks, but I have returned to serve you again, young master.”

Guang scoffed at his pretentious, elegantly-phrased words. He was just like any other servant who tried to appease him. There was nothing special about this boy.  

Guang glared at the two servants behind the boy. They were the ones who had brought this measly human here and gave him a terrible start of the day. Just his luck. Now he had an even peskier human who would stick by his side.

Standing up from his seat, Guang grumbled, “Whatever. Just don’t get in my way. You two, at the back, get out of my sight.”

The two servants behind the boy hastily bowed as Guang made his exit. However, just as Guang had raised his hand to push open the door, someone had snatched his wrist. Who was it- who dared touch him? 

It was the boy from earlier. 

This human boy, who he had just met, had the audacity to touch him so carelessly! Blood boiling, Guang seethed, “Don’t touch me!”

A wave of scorching heat swept the room. It made everyone’s hair flutter, but there wasn’t any actual harm done. Guang didn’t understand it either, but it was the only thing in tune with his emotions in this manor filled with humans. At this point, the servants would know they had overstepped their boundaries and would give him some space, but this boy was different. He still stood his ground, unmoving.

“You shouldn’t speak to Maria and Joseph like that.”

“Maria and Joseph?” Guang sneered. “Who’s that?”

“The servants you just spoke rudely to.”

Guang laughed. “They’re humans. I can speak to them any way I like.”

“And so are you,” the boy said calmly. “Would you be happy if someone talked to you in that tone?”

Was this boy implying that he was akin to a revolting creature such as a human? He was above them, including this human boy, so how dare he- 

“Young master, I have no idea of what you have struggled with in my absence, but I’ll make it up to you. I promise, young master. I’ll help you regain your sense of self.”

“What do you-”

“I’ll help you regain your memories.”

Guang’s eyes widened. Up till now, everyone had wanted to get in his good books. They didn’t actually understand what he wanted. All the time, they just wanted to please him, but not once had they recognised what it was he truly wanted.

And this boy, who he had just met, instantaneously knew what he desired the most. It wasn’t love, it wasn’t attention, it wasn’t toys nor good food. 

What he wanted the most from the humans from this manor was his identity and his memories.

Guang’s anger immediately faded and along with it, the room’s temperature returned back to normal. However, the servants failed to even notice that for there was an incredibly rare sight in front of their eyes.

The stubborn, uncooperative child that had given them infinite trouble and a migraine for weeks was holding both of Bo’s hands and looking at him with sparkly eyes, much like a puppy.

“Really?” Guang said eagerly.

Bo smiled. The servants could see that in some way, Bo had expected this very reaction to happen. “Really. But I have a condition.”

Guang squinted his eyes. An expression of distrust that the servants knew all too well had formed on the young master’s face. The moment Guang became suspicious, it would become impossible to convince him to listen or to do anything. Like there was a wall that had formed over his heart, separating him and everyone else. They had thought Bo was doing well so far, but now…

Maria and Joseph sucked in a breath, wondering how Bo will deal with the distrusting Guang.

Bo, still grinning, said, “You will have to stop running away from now on.”

***

Guang did not understand what Bo had meant by ‘running away’, but he sure did understand how Bo was becoming incredibly annoying. 

“Good morning, young master.”

He was there when he woke up.

“Young master, would you like some tea to go with your meal?”

He was there when he was dining by himself.

“Young master, where are you going? It’s almost sundown. We should head back into the manor.”

Most of all, he would always be by Guang’s side, no matter where Guang went and what Guang was doing. He was even more persistent than the other servants. Unlike Bo, the servants would sometimes still give him space, albeit only occasionally when he blew a fuse. But Bo, this annoying human…

It was the end of the day already, and Guang was beginning to believe that Bo’s promise was just a farce. He didn’t have any intention to help Guang regain his memories - he just wanted to tame him.

“What do you want from me?” Guang screamed across the garden.

For the first time, the pleasant smile on Bo’s face faltered. Angry tears were falling down both Guang’s chubby cheeks. After a month of living in this disturbing manor, Guang has had enough. Meeting Bo was his final straw. 

“I’m sick of this! All you humans do is doll me up and treat me like I’m some sort of helpless prince! It’s disgusting how you guys act nice! Master Guang this, young master that, I’m tired of you guys calling me stupid names! If that’s how you guys want to treat me, I’d rather live on the streets!”

“So you’re going to run away again?”

How can Bo still speak so calmly? It was like he was mocking Guang, making Guang out to be a coward. A flurry of emotions stirred restlessly in Guang’s heart. Frustration, loathing, disappointment, but in the centre of that storm of negativity, there was a sputtering flame. A little flame that flickered with hope.

“Young master- no, if I may, Long Guang, answer me this question. Why are you so afraid of people?”

“Guang, do you…hate humans?”

It was similar to the question Sui had asked of him. However, while Sui had asked why he hated humans, Bo had asked why he was afraid of humans. 

When Guang did not reply, Bo continued, “After investigating the manor and watching you for a day, I’m sure of it now. You don’t dislike people. You’re just afraid of them.”

No, don’t say it. 

“Shut up! Stop acting like you know me!” 

Please, stop talking.

“You say you hated the food the chefs cooked, yet you finished every single dish served and left no crumbs.”

Stop…

“You say you hated your toys, yet you clean them and arrange them neatly, making sure to not miss a single toy.”

Don’t speak anymore…!

“You say you hated the servants, yet you diligently memorised each of their names, noted their preferences and looked after them.”

Every single wall Guang had constructed was being crushed with just a single flick of Bo’s finger. One by one, they fell like dominos until there was one left. This wall was his final line of defence, the final wall that separated him and everyone else.

Shakily, Guang asked, “What proof do you have?”

From within his coat, Bo took out a small bag. Guang’s eyes quivered as he recognised the bag, inside which contained a few cookies. 

“The anonymous cookies that Maria and Joseph found on their desk this afternoon. It was you, wasn’t it?”

The final wall began to crumble. Beyond that wall, a scared, lonely young boy was staring at Bo with frightened eyes.

“Why would you do all that if you actually disliked people?”

The final wall was toppled, revealing the truth - the real Guang - for the world to see. 

Tears flowed anew from Guang’s eyes as he gripped the fabric of his shorts. His body trembled, wracked with silent, uncontrollable sobs. In this moment that transcends words, nothing needed to be said. 

Guang didn’t protest when Bo patted his back reassuringly. Neither did he show any signs of pushing Bo away or biting off Bo’s hand, so Bo took it to be a good first step forward.

“It’s getting cold. Let’s head inside the manor, shall we, Master Guang?”

***

From that day onwards, the servants, and even Guang’s parents, were surprised to find that Bo was following Guang. In a way, it was to be expected, since Bo was Guang’s valet, but they did not expect that the young master and valet would be walking side-by-side peacefully. Even though Bo had been Guang’s previous valet, considering Guang’s attitude towards the servants, they were expecting that it would take Guang a few weeks, if not months, to come to fully accept Bo, but surprisingly, it had happened within just two days. 

It made every household member wonder: what had Bo done to gain the trust of the young master that quickly? 

Since Bo refused to tell them anything, the Lord, Lady and the servants were forced to come up with creative ways to curry Guang’s favour. Yet no matter the stunt they pulled, it always ended the same way before, with Guang shunning them away.

However, that began changing a week later. 

From throwing a tantrum with the servants, to ignoring the servants, to cheerfully chatting with them, every single member of the household witnessed astounding growth within the young master within a month. One couldn’t even imagine that the young master who was now carefree, energetic and talkative used to an unstable mess of a child. All thanks to Bo, Guang had finally come out of his shell.

When asked what Bo’s trick was, the valet would only reply, “Master Guang just needed some time.”

Seeing how Guang had adapted back to life in the manor, the Lord and Lady decided that they had to move forward to the next step, which was to reinstill Guang with the mannerisms and etiquette befitting of a noble boy. It just so happened that alongside his childhood memories, his noble etiquette had flown out of the window, leaving behind a tiny rascal that acted more like a monkey than a human being. This difficult task was assigned to none other than Bo, Guang’s valet. 

However, contrary to everyone’s presumption, Guang was compliant and cooperative in learning noble etiquette. Bo had thought that it would be a struggling battle, since Guang totally hated rules, but apparently the young master had perceived it to be a way to regain his memories, which in the end worked out in Bo’s favour.

Occasionally, the Lord and Lady would come by their lessons to check on Guang’s progress. Although, in Bo’s humble opinion, their presence was more than unnecessary. Allow Bo to explain why these two people shouldn’t be allowed to observe Guang’s lessons.

Firstly, the Lord. The Lord was a playful man. He would steal their props, make a fool out of the lessons and tease Guang when the boy failed to do something. Bo had his own teaching methods, so despite the Lord being his master’s master, the Lord irritated Bo to no end that he had to forcefully remove the Lord and lecture him for his misbehaviour.

The Lady was a better presence, but still, a rather unnecessary one. She was too supportive, encouraging Guang whenever she shouldn’t and spoon feeding Guang everything without giving him a chance to think for himself. Because of that, she was also removed from sessions, although with an earnest explanation and apology from Bo.

Today, though, both the Lord and Lady had insisted on observing today’s lesson. While reluctant, Bo couldn’t directly defy the orders of both the Lord and the Lady, so he had no choice but to let them in. He was fully prepared for today’s lesson to be a mess with both the good cop and bad cop in the picture, but strangely, both the Lord and Lady were docile today. Instead of calming him down, the odd phenomenon only made Bo more nervous, for the corner of the room that they were seated at watching Guang was exuding a heavy grim atmosphere.

Bo wondered, perhaps today was the day?

When the lesson was wrapped up, Guang went to greet the Lord and the Lady. 

As taught, Guang did a little bow. “Father, mother.”

The Lady nodded with a pleased smile and the Lord clapped. 

“Guang, dear, please sit down.” 

Sensing the tense atmosphere, Guang obediently sat down on the couch opposite theirs. On the side, Bo began serving the three of them tea and snacks. “Is something wrong, father, mother?”

The Lord shook his head. “No, nothing is wrong, Guang. It’s just, since you’ve lost your memories, we’ve been keeping something important from you. Now, I think, is the time we tell you about it - about our family.”

The Lord and Lady exchanged an uneasy glance. Then, the Lady spoke, “Have you heard about the Legend of Hero Rayler?”

“Of course.”

The Legend of Hero Rayler: it was Guang's favourite bedtime story. Every night, Bo would read that one story to him until he slept. It was a story about Hero Rayler’s heroic adventure and his valiant deeds, ending with him slaying the Demon King with his own life in the end. 

“You see, Guang, that story is actually real.”

“Real? What do you mean?”

“‘The Legend of Hero Rayler’ is not a story; it is history. A hundred years ago, Hero Rayler actually once existed, and so did the Demon King.”

Guang’s heart pounded faster. Was he dreaming? Hero Rayler actually once existed? He couldn’t wrap his head around that fact. His favourite hero, Hero Rayler, was once a living, breathing person, just like him?

His father continued, “I’m sure you remember how the story went. Hero Rayler killed the Demon King, but in turn died due to his injuries. The remaining people who were uncorrupted by the Demon King’s evil moved and founded Alca, the nation that we are living in.”

“Yes! And it’s all thanks to Hero Rayler’s sacrifice that we can live a peaceful life today,” Guang declared proudly.

His father smiled amicably, but that smile didn’t last long before it was replaced by a frown. “Unfortunately, the peaceful life we have lived till now might end soon. The Demon King has returned.”

It was like a bucket of water was poured on Guang's head. Guang wasn’t sure if he had heard right. Nervously, he laughed, “Father, that’s not funny.”

“It’s not a joke,” his mother said sadly. And that was when Guang knew that it wasn’t a farce.

“But…why? Didn’t Hero Rayler kill him?”

Bitterly, his father admitted, “We aren’t sure of why, either. The terrible truth is the Demon King is back and has joined forces with his worshippers, the nation of Naylen. A war between nations might be upon us soon.”

Anyone who read ‘The Legend of Hero Rayler’ would know how fearsome this Demon King was and the death and destruction he would bring in his wake. Guang couldn’t imagine it. He couldn’t imagine the world he was living in right now being plunged into strife. He couldn’t imagine losing his father, mother, Bo, and…Sui. 

Then, remembering that this conversation was supposed to be about their family in the first place, Guang asked, “What does this have to do with our family?” 

For the first time in this conversation, his father’s eyes regained his usual sparkle as he explained, “You see, Guang, our nation had actually been preparing for this worst-case scenario ever since its founding. Along with the president of Alca and other noble families, our family of Long had always been dedicated to protecting the nation in Hero Rayler’s stead. So, now that the time has come, Guang, are you ready to become a Long family knight to protect our nation?”

To the Guang who worshipped Hero Rayler, to the Guang who aspires to become like Hero Rayler, and to the Guang who loves Hero Rayler, this moment was a dream come true. 

“I’ll do something even greater than that! I’ll end the Demon King, once and for all, and everyone can live happily ever after! I’ll do it, for humanity’s eternal peace!”

At his quick acceptance and excitement, his parents too smiled. “For humanity’s eternal peace.”

***

To raise Guang into the best knight there is, Guang was assigned two new tutors. Mr Edward, who would be teaching him academics, and Ms Penelope, who would be teaching him combat. At first, Guang had been fired up to learn as much as he could, so he was extremely hardworking in learning both academics and combat, but as a month went by, he started to realise he absolutely, utterly, for the love of Hero Rayler, cannot excel in academics. Reading books was agonising and understanding complex, abstract concepts was beyond him; he simply found no point in learning them. Why would he need to know that the Earth is the fifth planet away from the Sun? In what situation would he need that kind of knowledge?

No matter how hard he tried, he would only receive failing grades. So he began slacking. It started with being a few minutes late to class, showing up halfway to class, attending only one class a week to skipping all his classes. That wasn’t to say Mr Edward didn’t give chase. Mr Edward tried, but as a middle-aged man with barely any physical prowess, he could barely catch up to the youthful Guang. Although, it seemed he must have reported Guang’s misbehaviour to his parents, for the other members of the household began searching for him as well. Unfortunately for them, by then, Guang had already found a secret hideout in the attic where no one could find him. 

Combat, though, was a completely different case. Guang was a natural at it, and he enjoyed moving around his body and learning different ways to attack and defend himself. After experimenting with various fighting methods and weapons, Guang found that he preferred hand-to-hand combat the most. As such, he was trained rigorously in the arts of hand-to-hand combat. With each lesson, he began to see why Ms Penelope was named the ‘Strongest Swordmaster’ to exist in Alca today. Despite wielding no sword, she easily defended and parried everything of Guang’s. 

Guang counted every single defeat he had suffered and engrained it within his being. 5 defeats, 49 defeats, 112 defeats. Ms Penelope was truly the epitome of a master in combat. Even so, Guang always stood up back on his feet with a glint in his eyes. One day. One day, he shall climb the tall mountain that was Ms Penelope, and conquer the sky that was the Demon King. 

But then, he began dreaming of life beyond the manor. 

Despite having countless things to do and achieve, Guang dreamed of exploring the outside world. Although, other than wanting to explore the world, he too had a hidden agenda, which was to find Sui. Even though Sui had promised to visit, the beautiful man hadn’t come by, not even once, during Guang’s stay in the Dragon Manor. As time flew by, little by little, details about Sui were slipping from his mind. No matter how hard he cupped his memories, they leaked out between the tiny grooves of his hands like water, draining slowly but surely. He was forgetting what Sui looked like, how Sui felt like and how Sui sounded like. What if, when he met Sui again, he would not recognise him? He was scared that he would forget about the man who had taken care of his younger self. The man who was his first hero.

He thought it would be an easy request to go outside, as his parents often accommodated all of his demands, even if they were ridiculous. However, for the very first time, he was met with a solid, brutal rejection. Even more infuriating was that his parents refused to provide him with an explanation. Either that, or they would just change the topic or give him a non-convincing excuse. It wasn’t that Guang hated staying in the manor, no, anyone would know that Guang loved the manor and the people who lived here, but seeing the same view every day was sure to drive just about anyone insane.

So he had no choice but to try to escape the manor himself. Unfortunately, luck was not on his side. Out of all his attempts to escape, none had succeeded, for he was always caught by the household members in various circumstances. They snatched him back like hawks and threw him back into his cage mercilessly. At this rate, he was about to lose his mind. That was, until his younger brother came into his life.

A year after Guang returned to Dragon Manor, a new member joined the Long family. Long Jin, Guang’s younger brother. Guang was super ecstatic about getting a new younger brother that he stopped thinking about going outside. Instead, he spent all his time devoted to taking care of his younger brother. Without fail, one could always find Guang playing with baby Jin, feeding him and reading him bedtime stories, especially ‘Legend of Hero Rayler’. When Jin grew older, Guang would show off to Jin the various skills he had learned so far as a noble and a knight-in-training, and Jin would watch with awe. Whenever little Jin faced troubles, he would always come crying to Guang for help. Little Jin had admired him back then, as if Guang was his idol. However, just as Guang was Jin’s idol, Jin was Guang’s salvation. Being able to dote on Jin, Guang could momentarily forget the cage he was living in. 

But eventually, even his salvation was robbed from him.

When Jin turned seven, he was enrolled into Malpa Academy, the top academy of Alca located in the capital, Starlight Metropolis. Guang was envious of Jin who would get to see amazing views, eat all sorts of food and make all sorts of friends in the outside world while Guang was left behind in the Dragon Manor. But even more than that, he missed Jin. He missed his playmate and companion. Yet no matter how much he begged his parents, they refused to let Guang take even a step outside of the gates, much less join Malpa Academy. 

Not to mention, ever since Jin left, his parents had become even more distant to Guang. Before Jin was born, they would drop by every other day just to spend time with Guang, and after Jin was born, it was like they changed their target of affection. They noticeably doted on Jin more than they did Guang, and even if they gave Guang attention, it was when they were forced to acknowledge his presence in the room. But now that Jin had left, it seemed like they completely stopped pretending. The servants still tended to Guang, of course, but his parents were barely at home anymore, and when they were, they didn’t even bother to meet Guang. As if they had forgotten Guang, as if Guang had become a ghost.

Even Jin, who came back once in a while, was changing. The helpless crybaby Guang knew became even more disciplined and uptight with every visit, so much that Guang sometimes felt like Jin was a completely different person than the person he had grown up with. Despite exchanging letters with Jin every month, Guang became fearful of facing someone he didn’t know. He became unable to face Jin in real life, who may shun him away just like his parents did.

Jin must have picked up that Guang was starting to drift away from the family. That observant grumpy blueberry, he must have done so, for Guang remembered receiving a smartphone from Jin on his eighteenth birthday.

With the square device placed onto his hands, Guang had blinked. “What’s this?”

“It’s a smartphone,” Jin said flatly. Then, shoving his hands into his pants, Jin looked away. “Let’s keep in touch this way. It's easier and faster than sending letters.”

Guang had teared up. It was like a weight was lifted off his shoulders. For the first time in many years, he hugged Jin. That was when he realised, deep down, his brother was still his brother, no matter how much time had passed between them. 

“Thank you, Jin, I will cherish this phone with my life.”

Since then, Jin had shared various photos and videos of his life outside of the manor. Every night, underneath his blankets, Guang would scroll through the attachments Jin sent him throughout the day without fault, consuming them like a starving man.

[Attachment: picture of a burger]

Jin: Burger Queen chicken burger.

[Attachment: picture of a setting sun]

Jin: Sunset.

[Attachment: video of Starlight Metropolis]

Jin: The city is very noisy.

Guang chuckled at Jin’s dry captions. Just from seeing the photos and videos, Guang knew there was a world out there, just waiting to be explored. He imagined being able to witness all of those things not through the screen, but with his very own body. How blissful that would be. 

As Guang gazed out of his window, at the vast, starry skies that extended beyond the manor, he thought:

Ah, I can’t wait to leave the manor.