I Am Yours

A Story by wishystar

Stacey

I opened my eyes, struggling for breath. The pretty nurse with the white cap and uniform and flower tucked behind her ear looked at me, concerned. "Ah, you woke up." she said softly. I don't know why people in hospitals are so quiet and serious. My chest hurt. I had some forms of cancer in me, and I already have asthma, so I have some trouble breathing normally. "Honey, would you like some water?" the nurse asked.

"No, I'm fine. Thank you." I replied, trying to say as little as possible. The nurse smiled as if she understood. I'm pretty sure she didn't Get It. How long do I have left? I wanted to ask. I knew Charlotte probably couldn't handle the news. Charlotte is my best friend. I met her in the park when we were 7. Now we're both 11, but she's still the same old Charlotte. We're different- she's always careful and really smart. I'm always too rushed, too impatient. But we are and have been very good friends. Charlotte doesn't know I have cancer or asthma. I always make up reasons for disappearing and stuff. She might think I'm flaky. I'm not even sure why I don't tell her the truth.

* * *

Charlotte

The room was dark, and I saw Stacey lying in the hospital bed. I had planned to visit her earlier, but I had so many things to do! "Hi, Stacey," I whispered to her. I wasn't sure if she was asleep or not. I don't even know why she's here. I just want to drag her out of the hospital so she can see the bright sunshine.

"Hi Charlotte," she answers hoarsely, and coughs a little bit.

"W-why are you here?" I ask, almost desperately. Desperate for what, I'm not sure.

"I can't say," Stacey says quickly.

She sounds like she wants to tell me. But she's not saying something.

* * *

Stacey

I don't know why I got so nervous when Charlotte visited me, I was just so scared she'd ask me why I was there, lying in a hospital, trying to breathe. She did ask. And I didn't answer. She left, but I saw the look of hurt and confusion as she walked out the dark room. I feel bad for not saying the truth. I whispered to myself the thing we always said to one another, "'tis world is nothing without a best friend." Then I thought of Kevin. Kevin is my boyfriend. Sort of. Kevin and I have known each other since we were waddling around in diapers, and our parents are really close too. I guess I like Kevin, but not in the love-like way. More of a friend-like.

I shouldn't have been surprised when Kevin visited me the next day. "Why hello there, Stacey Sunshine!" he chortled, but still had this real-or-fake concerned look on his face. He knew about my cancer and my asthma.

"Hi Kool Kevin," I mumbled, smiling because he used our kiddie names.

"So, do I have to ask the sky not to take my sunshine away?" he asked, almost solemnly.

"Come on, it's just a kid song." I groaned, "well, still. I don't want to go away."

"I'll miss annoying you every day," Kevin replied, laughing. Sometimes he laughs too much.

"I will miss having revenge on you!" I countered.

"I wanted.." Kevin paused, hesitating "I wanted to read something to you. From, um, the Bible."
I laughed. Kevin never reads. This is a miracle.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails …" he read slowly.

I stopped laughing. What did this mean? "Love never fails," I whispered, almost enchanted by the words. Kevin held my hand. His palms were warm and sweaty and sunshiny. He gave my hand a quick squeeze and left the room.

* * *

Kevin

I feel like an idiot now. I've known Stacey for such a long time and she's never shown interest in me. I shouldn't have tried... but maybe? Maybe. What if she did like me back? I thought about that afternoon when I visited her again.

"Love never fails," I said out loud, "love never fails."

* * *

Stacey

I thought about Kevin for a long time. Did he like me? Was he trying to trick me? What did it all mean? Then I thought about Charlotte. What would Charlotte think about me, a girl with cancer and asthma, dating a relatively cute boy I've known since he was crying his head off because his diaper wasn't clean? Charlotte would reject him. I know she would. "'tis world is nothing without a best friend." I repeated again and again.

What would heaven be like? Or worse, what if I didn't go to heaven?

I'll say this. Kevin never visited the hospital room again.

I don't know whether I was relieved or sad.

* * *

Charlotte

I wish Stacey would just tell me why she got so sick all of a sudden. What about all those lame excuses? I wanted to know the truth, the real, not made up one. So I visited Stacey again. She was awake, sitting up against layers and layers of pillows. She looked spooked and haunted and in a trance all at the same time. "Stacey?" I said, knocking on the door gently.

"Oh. Hi Charlotte," Stacey said quietly, "you can come in."
"Tell me the truth," I whispered, "the whole truth."
Stacey sighed, but not in a I Am Mad At You For Asking way, more in a I Wish I Told You Before way. It was an apology in a way, which I think is very important. So she spilled the beans.

"I'll start with the basics. I have asthma-"
"What?" I shouted, then lowered my voice when Stacey winced.

"- and a little bit of cancer," Stacey said tentatively. I wanted to run around the room crying, but I stayed quiet for Stacey's sake. "I have been sick for years. That's why the teachers make me do schoolwork during physical education and I have to be extra careful."
"How long? How long do you have left?" I whispered, feeling my eyes start to get wet.
"I-I don't know." Stacey said, equally quietly.

"I can't take this."
"I didn't think you could."

"I wish you told me sooner."
"The time wasn't right. I'm sorry for not telling you."
"You should be. But it's okay."

'tis world is nothing without a best friend.

And I'm going to lose mine.

* * *

Stacey

After Charlotte left, I started to cough. Really loudly, and really hardly. I started to gasp for air. I pressed the "Emergency Doctor" button. Once, twice, three times. No one was coming. Why wasn't a doctor coming? Please, please, please let a doctor come. "Help me!" I screamed, so quiet and so hoarse. "Please..." I sobbed, "for my best friend. My parents. My boy friend." My throat felt sore and dry and it hurt a lot. I kept quietly screaming, my voice growing fainter every time.

The doctor finally came, when my throat was on fire and I felt like I was going to just collapse and die. "Are you okay, Stacey?" the doctor yelled, which was completely unnecessary. I shook my head, gasping and coughing. The last words I thought of were Love never fails and 'tis world is nothing without a best friend. That made me guilty. Of the people I would be hurting because I was gonna die and I knew it.

I rolled around on my bed, tossing and turning and hitting my head and everywhere was painful and everything was blurry and unclear. Finally, with a few last gasps, coughs, and turns, I closed my eyes and went home to Heaven. "Take me with you, death," I whispered, with an aching body.

I felt so released from my pain. My achings. I wasn't me anymore though, just my spirit remained. I couldn't see myself. There aren't any mirrors in Heaven. But I met Jesus, and Grandma, and my old hamster Fluffykins. They looked normal, almost glowing, with a white halo around them. It wasn't like I imagined, though. No angel wings, no golden halos floating above our heads. Just.. this eery surrounding of death.

There were kids, too. I guess it shows what you looked like when you died, because one little boy, probably only about 8 years old, he had a bullet in his chest. One girl with dark green eyes was holding a knife. She was probably 14. Her wrist said, "No More Pain".

Death was kind and sweet. Death wasn't anything really, just a bodiless mass of black robes and a hooded face with dark eyes. Pure black ones. Death welcomed me into her world, and led me around her little realm. She brought me to my house. It looked like my old one, down in Earth, but it also had a white ring of light around it.

Death taught me how spirits could visit Earth and watch whatever was happening. I only tried this once, and was terrified.

I wanted to see myself when I was alive.

I visited the Earth, and saw me lying on a bed. I was a tangled heap. Charlotte was standing next to me, holding my hand and crying. Her back was hunched over, so I couldn't see her cry, but I know she was because my hand was all wet and she was shaking. Kevin was there too. He wasn't crying. He wasn't smiling, either. His face was stony hard, like he really hurt. Charlotte started to yell at him for not being a good friend, for not caring. Kevin ran out the room, and I followed him.

Kevin sat on a park bench. He was crying. A lot. His whole shirt was getting wet quickly. He sobbed, he sniffled, he cried, he wailed, and all the time he said, "No, no, no!"

After he stopped crying, he stood up again. Slowly, in zombie-like motion, he walked to a bush with white roses in it. He pulled one out, wincing when his fingers touched the thorns. And he started to dig with his hands. Inside the little hole he made, he put the white rose. He covered up the hole again. "For Stacey," he whispered to himself, "because love never fails."

And he's right.

Love never fails.