Can't Remember

I can't remember,

the kind of December,

when I roasted by the fire.

I can't remember,

the kind of December,

when you'd kiss me on the tip of my nose.

I can't remember,

the kind of December,

I wasted with you.

I can't remember,

the kind of December,

when I really loved you.

Reviews

[caesarkreshen]

Could see cutting the last line of the first three stanzas. I mean, it works... but it might be better without. That way, it makes the last line more powerful.

[wishystar]

I've edited it, thank you for the criticism!

[caesarkreshen]

Hey, I like. Simplicity for the win. I know how many people would want more, but it's good for me. In this sort of format, you really get to focus on the verbs... roasted/kiss/wasted/loved. And that, to me, makes the ending potent.

One thing I'd say, not to nit pick... is the verbs. They are all -ed. While you could count you'd kiss as one... I wonder if you could go simply "kissed"? Or do you want it to be different there? I like how it goes when you kissed me then continues to explain that it was only on the tip of the nose.

Thanks for letting me know so I could stop back by.

[wishystar]

I'm glad :) I do like simple poems, but I usually find myself writing longer ones. This was one of my favorite poems that I've written on Writerscafe.

Ah, that's alright. It does make sense to make them all the same, but I like how that part is a little different. Makes the poem more... interesting.

Thank YOU :D

[PurpleQuartz]

AMAZING!

[wishystar]

Thank you so much!