Why You Should Care About Me

Why You Should Care About Me

A Story by The Wise Monkey
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This is a story I will tell on my travel website about why the reader should stick around. You will see it is not a story in the traditional format, but yet it is creative writing and story telling.

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Some people’s modesty borders on low self-esteem. Some people claim to be special while being far from it. Me, I’m going to tell you exactly why I’m special. When you finish reading these words you will know I am special. Your mental tongue will be salivating. There will be no doubt in your head that this will be one Epic adventure. Buckle up for the ride, or don’t, I don’t even know if they have laws for it in the places I’ll be going.

Here’s are a breakdown of what you should know before I explain my awesomeness:

  • Beginning in January 2012 I will venture to to India, Thailand, and China.
  • In India I will study yoga in places that resemble Aladdin’s castle, except they will be in India
  • In Thailand I will study muay thai in Phuket (pronounced poo-ket opposed to the more fun sounding way). Never heard of Phuket? Check out the Google images…. AWESOME!
  • In China I will only be studying kung fu from Shaolin monks. Ya, I know. BOOOORING!
  • On top of all of that I’ll try to wrestle some animals along the way, eat some delicious cuisine, eat some Bizarre Foods, do some adventurous stuff (does Thailand have cage-diving with Great Whites?), plus do all the fun touristy stuff that you and I all love <3
So now you are probably mumbling with a mouthful of Doritos saying “Hey, this guy basically is going to copy Dhani Jones Tackles The GlobeAnthony Bourdain: No ReservationsBizarre Foods, and be a wanna-be Crocodile Hunter!”

Well, ya. All of these people had great concepts and even better personalities, why shouldn’t I copy them? Isn’t that what makes America so great, taking other people’s ideas, improving on them, and putting them together in this collage that we call the United States of America? Rome did it, America does it, And gosh darnit so will I!
Still what makes me different? Why should you devote precious mili-seconds while goofing off at work to watch me? Why not just tune into Adam Richman? Well, you should tune into him because he is awesoooome, but let me tell you why you are gonna run to your girlfriend Suzie and be like “giiiirl, you gotta check this show Travelphan: With Ryan Astaphan out. Boy is sexyyyyy!”
To begin with,
I’ve basically been a cripple the last few years of my life. Year after year I was debilitated by knee injuries. Surgery followed by 6 months of rehab. Surgery followed by 6 months of rehab. Surgery followed by 6 months of intense rehab.
Keep in mind, the “6 months of rehab” is the generalized course of recovery. Many doctors say it takes 9 months to recover and then 12-24 months to be truly back to normal. Things are not so simple when you’ve had 3 ACL tears to the same knee in a 3 year time-span.

Many professional athletes have had their careers ended by just 1 ACL tear, let alone 3. And oh ya, I tore my meniscus too the first time, but I didn’t find out about that till a couple of years later. What’s meniscus tear anyway? Only 1? Pssh!

Ok, okay, we get it! You have weak knees and are injury-prone, big whoop! Still don’t care about you Ryan.

So it’s more you want, is it? Not impressed with my bionic leg and 6 Million Dollar Man status?

How about the story about a person who is brave enough to break away from the cookie cutter mold of unhappiness or in a best case scenario, being content?

It’s not my wish to offend you. Many people are happy working at the law firm, getting married early, having kids, and do all the things we are “destined” to do. If that is you and you are happy, then I am happy for you too. Whatever tickles your pickle mister! The thing is, that’s not me. It never was and after years of conforming and trying to be what others wanted me to be I said Fuc….fuchsia is a very nice color. Ya, that is what I said…

Look, for the last year I hated my life. I accepted a desk job working on websites and from day 1 I hated it. Even then, I refused to quit. I was scared to disappoint people, I didn’t want to go back on my word, I didn’t want to be a quitter. For just over a year I’d wake up and urge myself to do something that sucked my soul thru a Twizzler with both ends bitten off, acting as a straw �" by now you are seeing just how sexy my metaphors can be.

I’m a positive guy, so right now I know there are readers right there with me. “Hell ya Ryan, never give up!” “That’s right, stick it to the man!”

Along with being positive, I am logical. Especially with this being the internet, I know haters are lurking. After reading the last part about work, not only am I some loser with a gimpy knee, but I’m a lazy pos to boot!

My response to the haters? COME AT ME BRO!

If you aren’t impressed by all the flashy stuff, just know I am a good person.

For years I worked at the YMCA, helping to raise good kids and improving the environment of the facility. A portion of each paycheck was donated back to the Y.

Even with a minimum wage salary I made sure to sponsor a sweet little girl in India thru Children International. I encourage you to do the same, 80% of all money donated goes towards the child’s welfare.

Every month I donate money to NothingButNets.net to ensure that a family in Africa will be provided with a mosquito net to prevent malaria. FACT: Every 45 seconds a child in Africa dies from Malaria.

Please Donate
I’m kind to my fellow random human beings. I help friends in need. I open doors for man, woman, and child. I am a gentleman. I believe honesty will set you free. And I plan to continue my gift of giving in Asia.

Thank you for reading if you made it to this point, I sure as hell know I wouldn’t have. You are a trooper.
Nice to meet you,
Ryan Astaphan.

© 2011 The Wise Monkey


Author's Note

The Wise Monkey
Really want I want from the reviewers is to know if the writing kept you entertained and what I can improve on. Thank you for your time and thoughts :)

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Added on September 28, 2011
Last Updated on September 28, 2011

Author

The Wise Monkey
The Wise Monkey

Weston, FL



About
Well, from Jan-June 2012 I'll be filming a web-series / documentary. It will be nice to blog about my experiences in Asia, so I shall practice my writing here. The better I became, the more fun my .. more..