Hemlock

Hemlock (cyanide, poison) noun 1. a highly poisonous European plant of the parsley family, with a purple-spotted stem, fernlike leaves, small white flowers, and an unpleasant smell.

Have you ever seen the 
label on the bottle at the back of your chemist’s tiny shop?

Last week, he slipped a vial discreetly

to the customer with the dark brown hat and

A little briefcase 
Some of it went
into his foe’s drink 
They’re solving it right now
Down at the precinct
Oh this little bottle of
A liquid, bitter sweet 

then slithers down your throat
And wraps around your insides till-oh f**k 
Look what you’ve done, 
gone and killed yourself now
Using the romanticised bottle
That backfired on Hamlet 

and those two teenage lovers in
One of William’s plays
(Should’ve just stuck to Othello’s ways) 
This is cyanide and they’ve
Used it for some
centuries now 
It’s pretty untraceable now 

if you know where to look 
Have you ever seen the label on the bottle

at the back of your chemist’s tiny shop?

Reviews

[JayceeC]

Welcome. This is a creative topic and you have done justicevto it in a narrative free verse. I'm a fan of minimalistic punctuation with well wrought line breaks to control the pauses. You have done that here keeping the odd comma for a series a question mark and a set of parentheses. The content flows and references to classic works do not stsndbout as contrived. I especially like the reference to Romeo and Juliet done in a beiled manner. My only real criticism is the use of "now" in both 4th & 5th lines from the end. It could be dropped in the second instance without changing meaning. Well done and let me invite you to check out my work. You will find all but a few are in similar style.

[Windora Grey]

*beams at you* thank you so much. Oh man, it's been so long since i've gotten an actual review and not just a splutter of compliments that make me uncomfortable (polite tight lipped smiles from those who couldn't possibly comprehend any literature are the worst) I mean, I am asking for an ''honest-to-God criticism that clearly means you don't need to spare my feelings'' Why is that so hard to understand for most people .-.

[JayceeC]

Here are the 12 tenets for review that we used at my old site. I'm very tempted to post them under my writes, but do not want to offend the few really good critics...I guess I can always email them. Really, I just think most do not know how. They have not yet taken time to learn the craft and are just spewing words down the page.

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

These were our guidelines for comments and any not following were usually politely asked to figure it out.

[JayceeC]

PS-- You will get plenty of compliments here also. Lookd like I owe you an apology for the typos that was from my phone and it is very hard to see what I have typed in. I often hit the B instead of a space bar. {XD)

[Windora Grey]

Hey it's cool. I figured they were typos. You sound too competent to make intentional errors. And that is the review manual I'd like to deliver to every self employed editor to ever show up at my door (proverbial door, that is)

[JayceeC]

I've started putting bits an pieces in my author's notes, and it seems to help believe it or not. I actually get more than, "Awesome Write!" now I get "Awesome Write! I wish I could learn to rhyme like that!" or "Its about..." with a bare bones sketch, but it's an improvement in one short week...LOL! Rome was not built and all that.

[Windora Grey]

i'm glad. Do you write on a regular basis?

[JayceeC]

I write fairly often. I used to be a voracious writer, but life got in the way and it straggled to just personal writing for friends and family. After my mother died this summer, I took up writing again. I maintain writings at three sites with this one.

[Windora Grey]

Ah were you the kind that was inspired by events occurring in her life or was every topic off the top of your head? (I'm curious, what's your MBTI type?)

[JayceeC]

MBTI type is Dabator (ENTP), So actually some of my best work comes from challenges, or something I see as a personal challenge, intellectual game on. A lot of my work is based on my life, but not all. However I do believe the mantra of write what you know,,,so knowledge of it, yes. firsthand knowledge not required, but helpful.

[Windora Grey]

Heey we have the same functions, except you know for the order. Intp here(logician, otherwise known as ''quirky absent minded professor'') I take it, you love messing with people?
And first hand knowledge is the equivalent(atleast in my opinion) of an outsider's perceptive observation.

[JayceeC]

Both work for me...really do not mess with people just to mess with them...but have a hard time letting a debate or argument go...observant...yes especially of people and their motivations.

[Windora Grey]

i know exactly how that feels and it's hard to believe that you are the only one to have noticed something that according to you is ''so darn obvious''
that's where the difference comes in, you are more likely to point out a discrepancy. I am more likely to shy away from confrontations of any sort.

[JayceeC]

I'm much better at that in a work environment than in my personal life. Little things, I'm all in. Big things, well there's a status quo to consider. Oh the joys of being too cerebral.

[Misery]

An interesting poem with a touch of history and theatre woven into the tapestry.
Thank you for sharing your inspiration, dear poet.

[Windora Grey]

heeeey, thanks man. Tapestry metaphor did it for me tbh c:

[Misery]

Much welcomed.