But She Doesn't Know

My first writing for this site. Any and all comments and criticism welcome!

The subtleness about her,

The parts that make her whole,

Her laughter, her tears,

Her dreams, her fears,

I see it all,

But she doesn't know.

I close my eyes and dream.

I see a future with her there.

Together, happy, full of life,

Humble husband, loving wife...

I open my eyes, and there she is in front of me.

But she doesn't know.

She opens her heart to everyone.

All are friends, all are family.

Warmest smile, captivating.

Drawn-in hugs, invigorating.

I stand in awe of her,

But she doesn't know.

I want to tell her all I feel.

Love her, protect her, be hers.

All I am, at her disposal,

Say the words, make the proposal.

But fear holds me back once again,

And that's why she doesn't know

Fear of rejection, fear of the unknown,

But love is suppose to conquer all!

In the real world, not on the page,

Outcomes are so hard to gauge.

Is it worse to risk losing her forever,

Or risk that she will never know?

My heart is at odds with itself.

Confess, profess and be free!

But to speak the words and make it real,

The panicked distress that I feel,

Keeps me silent, and so on we go,

I am defeated, and she doesn't know.

Reviews

[Nigel Newman]

Hi. Welcome to WC. You'll find all kinds of writers and I'm sure you'll have a great experience. I joined about 3-4 months back, and like most folk, I tend these days to look for writers whose work I've come to know; but it's very flexible and each day brings a new person's work or their views on your work. So, enjoy!

As for your poem, I think you've written it very well. I like the way you hook back at the end of every stanza to the doesn't know theme. It's very clear, and the angst of the 'me' in the poem is very clear. I also like the word-craft where you've obviously chosen phrases carefully, e.g. 'confess profess' but also 'close my eyes / open my eyes' .

I'm sure others will advise you about the plight of the 'me' in the poem or empathise, so I'll leave that to them, other than to say it's obviously a situation that many will relate to and one that has been written about for centuries. So it's a tough ask to be original and 'read-worthy'; but I think you've done really well!

Regards
Nigel

[Wind Shadow]

Thank you for the feedback! Yeah, I realize it is probably a "this has been done to death" situation in terms of the tone, subject, etc., but thanks for reading/liking!

[Nigel Newman]

Oh, one piece of advice. If you want your work to be reviewed by lots of folk, I'd suggest you browse around and give feedback to others first - kind of a mutuality thing. Cheers.

[Vatsal Rohilla (account..]

"Is it worse to risk losing her forever,
Or risk that she will never know?"
These lines are true for most of those whose heart has been stolen.
Your refrain of the line- but she doesn't know- is very nice. It is easy to love someone, but it is the most perplexed, most difficult job in the world to rouse your feelings to someone. The thought that you might even lose her friendship always holds you back- but if you are to realize your dreams then you have to divulge your feelings at some point in life.
Your rhyming is nice and repetition is nice too.
Keep writing.