Mia

The kid stepped out first. A look of utter disbelief and shock upon his face. He had a cooler in his hand that he dropped as soon as he saw us. His caretaker or kidnapper came out second. A couple of black trash bags in her hand.
Pressing the button on my wallow talkie I started to talk to my partner Cole
" yup you were right about the whereabouts of their little escape tunnel was we found two of them."
"Good work Mia" Cole responded with a buzz of static "have we got a hold of them yet?" I up from the wt (walkie talkie) and saw that the hired hands had already got the fat black woman who had dropped the trash bags. The kid was a bit harder they didn't have a hold on him just yet. He could have ran easily but looked reluctant to leave the older woman.
"Andrew run" she called out "leave me. You can still get away"
"no ma I can't" the boy responded not leaving. "Ma I can't just leave you to these people"
"god d****t drew just leave I'll be fine. Go" and he did he ran away with the men chasing him. They all had guns but were instructed not to use them unless attacked.
"Mia. Mia" my radio buzzed with Cole's worried voice “are you ok? Are you hurt?" he was always so sweet. Always worrying about me. "I'm ok Cole. It's ok I'm fine".
"Oh sorry. You didn't answer I thought something was wrong". I really do have the best partner. So sweet, reliable, smart too. Not to mention quite a looker. His shortish like ear length dark brown hair and brooding gray eyes. Tall and well built too. Not scrawny but not a body builder either. He's only a year older than my 23... No. Were partners that's it. I can't... It'll interfere with work.
"Mia" Cole's voice drew me out of my daze.
"Sorry I said I was kinda spacing out. Um yeah one of the evil no good money grubbers got away"
"hey don't worry Mia we'll catch im we always do don't we?"
"Cole ill meet you at the station OK?"
"sure Mia see you then"

15 minutes later I arrived at our base. Getting out of my blue jeep I found Cole waiting at the door for me.
"Your late" he said jokingly.
"I'm not late you’re just early. How'd ya get here so fast?"
"Everyone knows down town traffics killer.” I stuck out my tongue at him and walked inside going to my office. I didn't need to look back. I knew he was following me.
"SOOOO what did you catch this time?” Cole asked.
"Um this fat black lady. Defiantly poachers they dripped they're stuff and we found a bunch of blood and weapons inside"
"what about the one who got away?"
"um it was just a kid he won’t bother us anymore he didn't get away with any supplies"
"oh that works" he paused for awhile and then said " hey um Mia"
" uh huh" I responded looking for food in my drawers
"well I was um... Wondering if um... Youwerebusytoniteandmaybewantedtohavedinnerwithmetinite?" Cole said really fast and started to blush.
"Uh huh"I responded not having my full attention on the conversation "wait... What?" I stammered
He took a deep breath and asked again. Slower "Mia I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner with me tonight".
"Um... I don't know...uh...sure?" I responded. I know not real compassionate but I was very surprised
"if you don't want to you don't have to go. I just thought...maybe..." Cole finished trailing off.
"No I want to go. With you. To dinner. I would love that. A lot Cole."
"oh great" he looked so relieved "um I'll pick you up tonight at 8? At your apartment if that works for you?"
"yeah that's great. Perfect. Stupendous." I grabbed my coat and stood up "so I'll see you at 8" heading towards the door
"I'll be there". He had a smile that was semi relived semi happy. Cole isn't the type of guy. Who picks up girls with a wink and comes out with spontaneous complements. He really has to work at it. That's why I like him so much. The other kinds are just too easy to lose.

 

 

Author's Note

I know my grammar is horrible but I'm on my iPod so I'm really sorry and please don't mind it. A couple questions
1. The dialect does it sound real? Especially when Cole is asking out Mia
2. Do you think Cole and mia would be a good couple
3. Do you like Mia. Andrew. Cole?
4. Is Mia a good guy or and bad guy. I haven't even figured it out yet
5. Did you have a problem knowing who was talking?

Ok thanks for all your amazing reviews and I know my grammars crap

Reviews

[Aurora Lynn]

1. Dialect sounds real, though it sounds better when you read it out loud. Sounds more... realistic? And Cole asking Mia out was pretty real, I think. Sounds plausible.

2. Um I don't know too much about either of them, but...yeah. Especially after the line "He really has to work at it. That's why I like him so much. The other kinds are just too easy to lose." Unless Cole is evil or something.

3. Like I said, I haven't seen enough of them to make an accurate judgement. But Cole and Andrew I like, Mia not as much. Haven't figured out yet.

4. I disagree with the other people here. MIA should be a good guy, whereas COLE should be a bad guy. That's just the vibe I'm getting.

5. Just a little bit at times. And easy way to fix that is when someone new is talking do an extra line. For example...


"Hello, my name is Jocelyn Sterling," I said as I grabbed my coat. "Hello Jocelyn, nice to meet you." A suave voice replied, which I assumed was supposed to be my "date."


That's an example sentence. Reletively easy to understand who's speaking. But if I write it like this...


"Hello, my name is Jocelyn Sterling," I said as I grabbed my coat.

"Hello Jocelyn, nice to meet you." A suave voice replied, which I assumed was supposed to be my "date."


See how it's a little easier to understand? It goes easier on the eye as well. Just a suggestion from you friendly neighborhood Jocelyn.

And we know your grammar could be improved, Ella, which is why we keep commenting on it. We want this amazing story to be even better. Because this is amazing.

AND I'M SORRY FOR THE LATE REVIEW. I PROMISE TO REVIEW EVERY CHAPTER OF THIS RIGHT NOW SO I DON'T FORGET. So yeah.

~Jossy

[compositionc]

1. Very Ella Bella sounding And I think cole would be the nervous guy, so yes. It is rather realistic. In my opinio.
2. Yes. I'm all for partner to dating relationships. Caskett, MSR, Jisbon, etc etc. All began with a partnership.
3. Mia.
4. BAD GUY
5.No. I kept up really well. I wasn't confused at all.

Work on your Grammar dove!!! And write more!!

[halflives]

1. Good. Yes, very good, Ella-Bella.
2. We don't know them very well at the moment, so I can't judge.
3. Yes, duh.
4. Mia should be a bad guy :D
5. Nope.
You just need a little work, that's all :) OMG ELLA THIS IS TURNING OUT REALLY GOOD~