Andrew

"Ma. They're coming. The copper found us again!!!" I was yelling running from my post on the roof to our home type Thingy. Running as fast as my gangly 14 year old legs would take me.
"Andrew" she threatened "this better not be another false alarm or I'll get out the belt"
"it's not ma I heard the sirens" I replied.
"It better not be you son of a b***h". Mama murmured but I could still hear it I was closer to our home. Ok I know what you are thinking but no mama didn't just insult herself. I was adopted. You could easily tell if you saw us. My sandy blonde hair, green eyes and somewhat pale complexion, did not match mama's deep chocolate color, brown eyes and black dreadlocked hair. Actually the ways we live most people probably think that she stole me, but in truth she rescued me. Six years ago she found me living in a cardboard box on the side of the road. Being eight I couldn't exactly go out and get a job so I scrounged and begged for particles of food. Mama found me then and brought me into her line of work that I excelled at even if I was a bit jumpy about the police. We hunt down the... Creatures that invaded our earth, I think that's what mama said. I don't know but what we do keeps us alive puts food in our bellies and a roof type thing over our head. See in today's world it's almost impossible for someone in poverty to come out of it. It's not like we can get a job somewhere. No those are reserved for the already rich people, with their fancy little dogs and their fancy cars. Look judge me if you'd like but this is what I do. Some may call it poaching but I call it living.
"Ma it really is the coppers this time. Come on theirs no time to waste we gotta get going before the coppers ge-". I was cut off by a loud voice saying "WE KNOW YOUR IN THERE. COME OUT AND YOUR LIVES WILL BE SPARED". We didn't answer of course that would be stupid cause they'd just shoot us anyways. By the sound of his voice he hadn't really found our hiding place just our alley so if we ran out now we'd be done for.
"Ma the back way" my voice barley a whisper.
"Ok drew. I have our stuff you grab the merchandise" mama's tone echoed mine. I went over to the corner and grabbed the cooler full of blood bags and blood filled leeches. Other stuff also. It's normally heavy but I've been lugging that thing for years so it felt like nothing. I ran up to the back of the house stopping in front of the bookshelf. Setting the cooler down I pushed it out of the way revealing a large hole leading to the other side of the street. I picked up the cooler and hurried into the tunnel mama following close behind. Opening the door to the outside I climbed out
"what" I said with a mixture of confusion and surprise "how did they know?"

Author's Note

I'm writing this on my iPod so once I can get on the computer I'll fix up the spelling and grammer

Reviews

[Some Random Person.]

I saw a couple of grammar mistakes towards the end like "OK (D)drew" and "I climbed out(,) '(W)what(,) I said(,) with a mixture of confusion and surprise(,) '(H)how did they know?'"

Other than that, really good. Keep it up, Ella.

[compositionc]

It is a...good start. Grammar, capitalization, and all your paragraphing could use tons o work.
But still the idea is awesome, just like the speech reflects who they are. Your characters are interesting, and their development is coming along somewhat nicely.

[halflives]

Indeed, the speach reflects the characters' nationalities and their way of speaking. But you do have to work a bit on the grammar, capitalization, and pronouncing the paragraph more. Well done!!

[Aurora Lynn]

Okay... a little bit confused, but otherwise good. I like how the speach patterns reflect the character's personality. That's something that a lot of writers have a hard time with, so it's good that you already have that aspect down. And I totally understand about the spelling and grammer thing; take your time with that. And dang you for ending the chapter with a cliffhanger... you need to write more. Now.