Chocomans

This world we live in, I don't remember it any other way, but there are still those who do. The adults, almost all of them remember, before the new race, the Chocomans, Chocos for short. They look like you they act like you but it's their blood that makes them different. It’s pure chocolate.  I know what your thinking, it's not normal and your write. This twisted group of, you guessed it scientists, started this whole, let’s say mess, for lack of a better word. They were trying to find a cure for leukemia. They thought that if you can replace the blood than the leukemia would go away. They were right but what made the scientists replaced it with chocolate. By replacing their blood it turned them into a new species. This wasn't authorized by the government aka illegal and they didn't just do it to one person they changed a lot of people they started to breed and the whole thing just got out of hand. The scientist got arrested but the damage was done. You know how people are racist? Well I lot of people are speciest too. Like racism with other species. Chocomans aren’t really the problem here, humans are. We don't know how to share our planet. Choco’s are really nice and all they want to do is start out fresh for themselves. And there are others, humans, who... poach the choco's. They want their blood, selling it on the black market and hidden alleys. That's where I come in. It's my job to stop them. I'm part if this not so secret society called the CRA, chocolate rescue association. We track down these people selling their blood or hacked off limbs. Children and adults it makes no difference to the poachers because they don't think that they're intelligent Creatures with lives and families. That's why I must stop them at all costs. These wicked evil human beings must be destroyed

 

 

Author's Note

YAY i fixed my grammer so feel free to correct it now

Reviews

[Some Random Person.]

So far so good, so continue it. :)

[compositionc]

That. Is. Amazing. I loved it. But, I am a freaking perfectionist....soooooooooooooo. Yes.

(T)his world we live in, (I) don't remember it any other way, but there are still those who do. (T)he adults, almost all of them remember, before the new race, the chocomans, chocos for short. they look like you they act like you but it's their blood that makes them different. (I)t's pure chocolate. (I) know what you(`re) thinking, it's not normal and you(`re)(right).
(good place 4 paragraph)This twisted group of, you guessed it(,) scientists, started this whole, let(`)s say mess, for lack of a better word. They were trying to find a cure for leukemia. They thought that if you can replace the blood(,) th(e)n the leukemia would go away. They were right but what made the scientists replaced it with chocolate. (I end here....)

Ella bella, you have a very good idea, but, no offense, your English could use some work. Very good, though. And I totally disagree with 'Rory kins. Just putting it into a Word document is not such a great idea. I think having actual people ireview it and give you ideas is kind of gbetter idea. You get insight from actual readers. Not a freaking government conspired computer robot program.

[Aurora Lynn]

Wow, I feel loved that I inspired something like this! I especially love the last line 'These wicked evil human beings must be destroyed'. Ooh, the suspense! Definately reading more!

(And I don't have to point out the spelling/grammar errors, right? All it takes it to copy and paste this whole thing into a word document and everything's already taken care for you.)

[halflives]

This is very good, Ella-Bella, but you must consider capitalizing and paragraphizing(if that's even a word...). Other than the grammar issues which I won't point out, this is very good~