Survivalism for dummies part 3 and the Economic Stimulus PackageA Story by willyo economy, survival, political satire
Rick R SURVIVALIST SHOPPING LIST WATER: SANITATION, LAUNDRY: ENERGY/HEAT/ COOKING: FOOD PRODUCTION & GARDENING PANTRY & KITCHEN: DEFENSE HEALTH & HYGENE: CAMPING: CLOTHING: BOOKS AND READING: TRANSPORTATION: MISC HOME AND SHOP SUPPLIES: TIPS FOR THE FRUGAL: Buy in Bulk �" Sams, Costco, Big Box Stores Consider: Now I’d say thats a pretty complete list! Ya’ll know what ya gotta do, so git ta doin’! I just love how the Gummint (or Gov mint) wants to give away yet MORE of OUR moneybut heres the lighter side of the downslide-  New Economic Stimulus Package Includes Goat “People don’t need money, they need bread, or in this case, beans and a goat,” said Treasury Secretary Henry M. Paulson Jr. in a press conference last Thursday. “The goat will be good eating for sure, but we strongly advise letting it pasture on the acre of land so it can be shorn for fiber, and in the case of nannies, milked for yoghurt, and cheese.” Individuals with adjusted gross incomes under $75,000 and couples
with adjusted gross incomes under $150,000 will receive a female goat
for the added benefit of milk production, while those earning over that
amount will receive a billy. Those earning above a yet undetermined
amount will not be eligible for the stimulus goat, but will still
receive beans and land. The proposed acres of farmland will be located in the Midwest Region, particularly in Kansas and that state right above it that nobody talks about much. In order to protect their fiefdoms, the IRS has issued a warning to all vassals receiving land to avoid squatters and robber barons. Speaker Nancy Pelosi said the package was aimed at serfs “and to those who aspire to be serfs.” She described it as “timely, targeted, and a welcome return of the American people to Thomas Jefferson’s ideal of the Yeoman farmer.” While the agreement on the new stimulus package was hailed by President Bush as a bipartisan triumph, there are still critics of the plan who believe the “goat, land, and sack” is just another feel good policy that will ultimately fail to affect any changes. With goat prices falling this quarter, many economists feel the federal government should beef up the benefits. “Two acres at least!” said Nobel economic laureate Joseph Stiglitz. “And there’s no sense in providing a goat if you don’t also provide a companion goat for it to breed with. No kids equals no green for hard-plowing Americans.” Secretary Paulson hopes to address these concerns in a letter to be mailed out next week to all proposed recipients of the stimulus package, outlining various concerns such as how to hydrate dry legumes (in water) and how to care for a living animal. “For those who think a goat, an acre of land, and a sack of dry beans are not enough,” said Paulson, “consider that the sack in which you receive the beans is a tool in itself. It can be used to help carry in the autumn harvest.” Among others who feel the package will not be enough include a handful of congressional African Americans who have demanded the long promise of 40 acres and a mule. Democratic leaders said that to speed the economic rescue goat they would work to bypass the usual committee process and go straight to muster. There is unilateral hope that the goat package will soften an economic downturn, forestall a recession, and take care of some nasty patches of capeweed. and another
And this is how you can spend it to “help” our economy Stimulus Payment Information Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go To We need to keep that money here in America. You can keep How bout this one? Bozone layers were at an all time high today, as leaders from the Department of the Treasury and President George W. Bush announced the latest plan to induce intaxication throughout the country through yet another cashtration mechanism to put people in homes they cannot afford. President Bush continued on his journey to become known as the nation’s leading ignoranus when he told the press “We are well pleased with the returning health of the banks across the country through taxpayer funding. But the Treasury is a little worried that so many of those taxpayers are losing their homes. Big challenge for the guy following me.” [chuckle] Economists from the University of Chicago issued this statement: “President Bush has been trying to engage the Dopeler Effect with the barrage of economic and bailout packages he sailed through Congress in his final months. Hopefully the American people will wake up before the entire nation needs a collective inocullatation.” “We are quite certain that President Bush will be reincarnated somewhere in Louisiana,” said Prahit Mahindikar Ishtu, leader of the largest group of Hindus in the country. “This latest statement proves that President Bush’s campaign promises were nothing but foreploy.” President-elect Obama responded “I’m sure George is quite pleased with himself,” in a rare display of sarchasm. “His acts these last 8 years have led us down the path to karmageddon. His latest announcement as a lame duck is another example of his glibido.” During Bush’s speech, vandals in a rare display of giraffiti managed to paint the upper turret of the Capitol Dome in bright pink flowers and daisies. “We’re appalled,” said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, his caterpallor evident as he entered day five of his decafalon. Inspired by the Washington Post’s Mensa Challenge 2008 winning entries, which follow: 1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time. 2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an a*****e.
“Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush’s budget creates a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with ‘Hey, look over there, it’s Saddam Hussein.'” �"Craig Kilborn President Bush unveiled his new economic stimulus plan this week. It was reported that if the plan passes, the president himself would save $44,000 in taxes, Dick Cheney would save $327,000, and you could afford to take the whole family down to Burger King to pick up job applications.” �"Tina Fey, on Saturday Night Live’s “Weekend Update” President Bush’s economic plan will create 2.5 million new jobs. The bad news, they are all for Iraqi soldiers.” �"Craig Kilborn The FBI has issued a new terrorist warning that al Qadea may be planning a spectacular attack intended to damage our economy. Well I have news for them, they are a little too late. This is where President Bush is smart. Two years ago he did a pre-emptive strike to make sure our economy couldn’t be any worse than it is right now.” �"Jay Leno “The economy is in big trouble. Yesterday in a big speech, President
Bush said the economy was still getting over the hangover from the 90’s.
And then, the president admitted he was still getting over his hangover
from the 80’s The package, which amounts to approximately 10% of Ghana’s GDP, will focus on increasing consumer spending but also target infrastructure through tax breaks, primarily on purchases of donkeys for transportation, as well as shovels, plows, and other equipment on the cutting edge of Ghanaian farming technology. “This is a bold move,” said Kwame Armah-Attoh, a locally-based economist at Citigroup, referring to the sheer magnitude of the stimulus package vs. the present size of the economy. “Very aggressive,” he added, swatting away a swarm of flies from his face. “We are set on keeping The Ghanaian Dream alive,” said President John Kufuor, likening his project to the New Deal. Kufuor was confident that the $14, less than a vodka-soda at The Gansevoort Hotel, would breathe life into his country’s economy and catapult it into G20: “From the dust,” he insisted grandly and without irony, “Ghana will emerge an economic powerhouse.” “The new economic stimulus package”Or the Reid, Pelosi, Obama get re-elected stimulus bill? This is nothing but a huge pile of pork wrapped up in fancy paper. If the average person really understood what the government is doing to their financial future they would be marching on D. C. with pitchforks & torches. Any Republican in Congress who votes for this bill is worse than a fool. The best that can happen is this thing gets strung out and allows for the American people to get a whiff of the dung that the Dems are trying to force feed them. Obama doesn’t need the Republicans to get this thing done. He has majorities in the House and Senate. The reason he keeps cozying up to the GOP is that he wants cover in case this thing goes south. I say let him and them Dems own this t**d and see where it gets them. And I would like to give credit for the material above to W.Thomas Payne, his writing was emailed to me withut due credit. My sincere apologies, Mr. Payne. Well president Ossama, oops, Obama hope this I had a dream ESP works for you. I just don’t think it’ll work for anyone else! Fridays new blog-“Hitchikers ettiquette and the Reception Deception” and later this month a Brand new HUMOR page, and ” On line bill pay” See ya’ll then..Chow! © 2014 willyoAuthor's Note
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willyobig bend, WVAbouti am a 65 y/o retired chef, biker(now disabled because of it!)ex military, farmer, whew. want to learn to write, have some stories id like to flesh out. more..Writing
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in this (I hope final) installment of “survival for dummies” I was
going to go into underground houses, bomb shelters,and root cellars(rut
celler), but I don’t think we’ll ever see a mushroomcloud over WV and I
think if you havent started gettin prepared, it may already be too late!
Hope ya can figure it out when it comes(see next article, for the
lighter side of the ESP)or have good neighbors, or still get along with
yer parents. This next is a checklist you can use to see where ya stand
on the preparedness scale. I stole it from one of the groups I belong 
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