Captured Innocence

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Horror speaks in silence

    And Fear speaks in signs

              It’s written on my face

                        and on the faces I see

 

How did I end up here?

A masked man brought us food

The smell of it drives us mad in hunger

We eat like we're crazy

Devouring it like messy animals

 

I see the eyes of superiority

            In the sight of the masked man

I look at them with deep curiosity

He looks back with a look of intent

Deep blue eyes inspect the whole me

Then I realized, everyone, including me

            Wears nothing but just two pieces of undergarments               

I quickly cover my well-being

Then he just walks away

 

I felt dirty ,

            Weary,

And cold in this rusty dark place

Where are we going?

Our future is uncertain

I felt that our life is for sale

Like animals going to be slaughtered

 

Sleep is taking my reality

Hoping that dreams will wash away

            the fear, horror and uncertainty along the way.                      

Author's Note

credits to the images goes to:
MissWiggle

Justice is blind when money talks
people who treats women as a pleasure tool is just cruel
this poem tackles about white slavery

I still haven't write anything good lately
so here is an old one
written on may 21, 2012
I'm still looking for inspirations...

Reviews

[An owl on the moon]

How you awaken within us the painful truth that there are thousands.. perhaps millions, who are in such horrid conditions even as we dream at night. Your poetry brings about the pain and anguish.. the helplessness... the hopelessness... May we rescue those so bound.

[Caradoc]

Wow.

That's a strong piece. You really...captured the essence of captivity as it were. The reader really feels the indignity of it, being stripped of self worth and forced to care only for the next scrap of meat. And then the waiting, the knowing, or not knowing, what one's fate will be. Solace is found only in dreams where one can hope for something out of reach.

Excellent work.

Probably one of the better ones I've seen from you. It tackles something...real.

-Caradoc

[Pax]

'wow' that coming from a great writer like you, I am honored ~ thank you very much!

[Dhaye]

White slavery. Wow, noon pa pala concerned ka na sa ganyang issue.

"In the sight of the masked man
I look at them with deep curiosity
He looks back with a look of intent"---To whom did you look, to the masked man di ba? That's why he looks back. --- I look at him...

[Pax]

sabi ko sight diba ~ i was referring to the eyes ~ kaya them ~ thanks kabayan ~ yes i have tackled this issue before! i really appreciate this Dhaye!

[Dhaye]

Ah, okay. Kasi yung "he looks back"...never mind. Dati na nga pala ito. Hehe. Anliit ng font nya pero okay na rin. Hehe. :) May question ako dun sa comment box sa profile mo ha?

[Pax]

nag message ako sayo :) ~ ang liit ba segi change ko, thanks~

[Dhaye]

Okay na. :)

[FJ Davis]

Artful poetic advocacy with impact.
Kudos, Pax!

[Pax]

thank you very much mr. Frank! grateful!

[Ency Bearis]

I like the theme,with consistency what's going on in third country, and good portrayal of the needy people - the phrase - I felt that our life is for sale, Like animals going to be slaughtered - this illustrated the facts. A good soliloguy written Nice one kabayan.

[Pax]

sir Ency, maraming salamat ~ I appreciate this insight ~ soliloquy ~ is a new word for me(ngayon ko lang yan na encounter) ~ great insight ~ grateful!

[Ency Bearis]

Oh you're welcome kabayan, soliloquy had been used as old term - panahon pa ni Shakespeare. Kung sa atin yong declamation na ginagawa ng mga contestants sa atin in high school and elementary.

[Pax]

oh i see ~ now i know di talaga pumasok yung mga napag aral noong highschool ako LOL ~

[Ency Bearis]

it's ok, he,he,he

[gabrielle]

While reading this i was thinking of human trafficking (which might end up to white slavery, among others). You were able to extract the horrors the victims suffered in their plight. Now, this is a social issue that the world has yet to resolve.
You painted their horrors so well.

[Pax]

Ms. Gab ~ thank you very much ~ yes, it's hard to resolve when the issue always hides or the justice is just blind often times ~ we had heard it in the news or we have heard about it in rumors which is based in real facts at times ~ sadly i know our country still suffers from it or i just assume it is ~ i just heard rumors ~

[gabrielle]

it is still happening Pax. the most saddening part is that there are those who are willing to take risk- to be willing victims of trafficking in the hopes that such risk would take them out of poverty.

[Pax]

Sad reality isn't? ~ it happens to every poor countrymen of ours ~ its are just some people take advantages of some people poor situations ~ just sad !!!!

[gabrielle]

tara, rally tayo sa malacanang. sigaw tayo, makibaka wag matakot! lol

[Pax]

hahaha ~ di pa nga umaangat yung pinas ~ papansinin kaya tayo ng presidente ~ hehe ~ deadma lang segoro si p-noy

[Sami Khalil]

"Our future is uncertain
I felt that our life is for sale
Like animals going to be slaughtered

Sleep is taking my reality
Hoping that dreams will wash away
the fear, horror and uncertainty along the way."
Wow Mr. Pax . I never knew you had this great write from your past. I like it as lot . So much wisdom in it and so many good lines. Those are my favorites...

[Pax]

I am thankful you are reading my old verses my friend ~ it's an old write but the message in it is still loud and clear in my heart ~ sad its a horrifying reality as i see it in the news before ~ I really appreciate this very much ~

[Sami Khalil]

I do agree. You are welcome...:)

[Tomislav Petricevic]

Dark, but the pictures are portrayed perfectly. Good job.

[Sir Joe]

Horror speaks in silence
And Fear speaks in signs
It’s written on my face
And on the faces I see

How did I end up here?

A masked man brings us food
The smell of it drives us crazy
We eat like we're crazy,
Devouring like messy animals

I see the eyes of superiority
In the sight of the masked man
I look at them with deep curiosity
He looks back with a face of intent
Deep blue eyes inspect the whole me

Then I realize everyone, including me,
Wears nothing but just two pieces of undergarments

I quickly cover my well-being
Then he just walks away

I feel dirty ,
Weary,
And cold in this rusty dark place

Where are we going?
Our future is uncertain
It feels like our life is for sale
Like animals going to be slaughtered

Sleep is taking my reality
Hoping that dreams will wash away
the fear, horror and uncertainty along the way.

(William, how about this? Just a suggestion. I hope you don't mind.)

[Pax]

ok na salamat.

[Pax]

sana sa susunod sa message mo nlng lagay, para di masayadong messy. thanks again.

[Sir Joe]

pcnxa n po

[Pax]

ok lang, nakatulong ka naman, its really appreciated.

[Sir Joe]

I hope you don't mind me mentioning these few point:
1. It’s written in my face --- It’s written ON my face
---(inappropriate preposition)
2. as well as the faces I see --- AND ON the faces I see
----so that this line would be parallel to the preceding line.
3. well being --- well-being
4. everyone including me --- everyone, including me,
--- use of commas
5. Then he just walks away --- Then he just WALKED away
I see the eyes of superiority --- I SAW the eyes of superiority
I look at it with deep curiosity --- I LOOKED at THEM (eyes) with deep curiosity
Deep blue eyes inspect the whole me --- Deep blue eyes INSPECTED the whole me
--- use past tense here so these lines will be tense-consistent with one another and with the other lines
6. two piece of undergarments --- two PIECES of undergarments
---plurality

I so love the theme of this poem. Some of us really undergo this kind of situation. Our innocence sometimes turns to guilt. There are also times when we only realize the wrongfulness of our deeds when they are already done. We sometimes let lust overpower our chastity/purity.

The writing style is really good. You were able to pack this poem with a lot of images and figures of speech. Nice wok!!!

[Pax]

ok lang, yun naman yung problema ko, question lang, kailangan ba naka past tense yung iba while its currently in the present?

[Sir Joe]

kung event xa in the past, dpat naka-past tense tlga. bkt alin jan ang nangyayari s present? like in these lines "He looked back with a look of intent
Deep blue eyes inspect the whole me
Then I realized everyone including me
Wore nothing but just two piece of undergarments"
Naka-past tense k jan while the verbs in the other lines hindi,,,,if you would want to make it appear as if it's happening at this moment, present tense gamitin m, as needed. hai mahirap i-explain pro i hope you my point kabayan, (= pcnxa s review q.

[Pax]

oo nga eh, naka present yan sila, actually its all in the present, nakakalito diba..na co confuse ko kasi yung mga tenses eh. pasinsya na...

[Sir Joe]

hehe ok lng yn,,,maganda nmn xa,,,mas lalong gaganda pg polished. (=
(=

[Maan]

This is what I call the beauty of poetry and poet. That represents the truth, always. Sometimes seen, sometimes unseen but the truth remain as a soul in the poems, in the minds of the poets. Expressed and sometimes unexpressed. I like the way you have described and maintained your poem throughout. End is traditional, we always hope that sleep will act as some tranquilizer that will wash away the pain but that doesn't happen. It can't happen, we have to face the reality but for that one moment, it seems a good thing to be.. but ........

Any ways I really like your poem. . actually I love it. Great work. Keep it up. :)

[Pax]

its such a great review ive read so far. It exceed far than i expect it to be, so thank You. its truth and reality of life. Im really grateful and glad of your reviews.