Chapter 1: Moments of Goodbye

a letter to my love ones

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Do you remember the time I stole your diary?
I remember the time I first found out about its context.
The love I never knew you have for my brother.
I was so jealous at first.
But as I read through each page down to the last one.
I've realized I have done a lot of things you got tired of.
My brother was always there when we have a huge fight.
It happened time to time in every pages of the diary.
The first few pages were great.
It showed affection in our first date.
I've read our first fight.
A misunderstanding that almost broke your heart.
But we coped up with the differences in our personalities.
Yet it is still the issue.
I therefore conclude that, I was the one.
The only one who broke your heart into tiny pieces!
And it was my brother who put it back each time I broke it again and again.
Now I see how you love him as much as I am.
Now I see how much you protected him from me.
Now I see how you would do anything for him.

It was my mistake.

My brother loves me so much that he said nothing.
He even said he doesn't love you just for my own sake of happiness.
From that you had been fighting me ever since, that I drive my brother away from us.
You've been avoiding me and his been avoiding you.
But still we've meet each others like civilized people.
I felt sick of the entire charade.
That I  felt like I was the main obstacle in this love story.
I don't want that anymore.
I love the two of you so much that I can't endure the pain you two carry.
That's why I decided to go get a job abroad.
So that the two of my beloved people will be happy.

I hope you will take care of my brother, my past love.
He's all I got left from our family that had passed away.
It's been the two of us since the tragic accident of our parents.
I'm so sorry for all the pain I cause.
Just remember me as the one who love you that had to go away.

And for you my beloved brother, I'm sorry also.
I know it's been hard.
You've been very obedient, kind and caring like I tough you so.
I don't want you to be unhappy in you life.
I felt your sadness when our parents died.
Now I felt you sorrow for just being kind.
I don't want that, I've manage yours and my life alone with little problems.
Mine alone will not be problem, so you don't have to worry about me.

It's hard to say goodbye.
Hoping that when I leave the country, this will set the both of you free.
Free to love each other.
I don't want the two of you to stop me.
It's my choice.
Getting it all out, feels great.
Felt relieved of all the pain and sorrow.
Free from the chains I've created.
I leave this house to the two of you.
This will be my future wedding gift.
I hope you two can work things right this time now that I'm not around.

Be happy guys..

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As the taxi drove out the gate, I've looked back to see something to hold on into.
I was happy and contented of what I've seen.
The two of them standing next to each other and eyeing themselves intently.
A kiss of passion broke their long silence.
That some memory to remember.

A smile broke free from my chained lips from far too long of pain.

Goodbye my good and bad memories.
I've learned a lot from you.
Now I can start all over again.
To start somewhere free to do anything I want to.
Living life to the fullest will not be impossible anymore.

Reviews

[Horizon K.]

Wow, amazing! There was so much emotion expressed and I felt every bit if it, the despair at learning his gf loves his brother and realization of his own flaws from her eyes, knowing you are in the way of the happiness of the two you love the most, and this brave selflessness, this lack of bitterness or reverberant jealousy at letting them both go to be together... I love this character already...

[Pax]

sorry for the late reply my friend... you put a big smiles to me face my friend... your words is truly appreciated... it started as a poem that becomes a continous story... I am glad... I will see you soon when you get back...

[Caradoc]

Wow.

This is amazing. The story is sad, agonizing, and hopeful all at the same time. I'm kind of reeling from the depth of love the narrator feels for both this woman, whom he has strong feelings for, and for the brother that is his only family. Wanting the two of them to be happy together even though he doesn't seem to fit with the woman he wants is...impressive. Not many people feel that kind of love; that they would let someone go so that they could be happy with another person.

And that final monologue at the end...it's like something a character would narrate in a movie. Magnificent. You tell a good story, my friend.

I did notice a variety of mistakes, relatively minor but that could do with a cleaning up. Most are to do with tenses and certain uses of participles and such.

For instance, Stanza 1, Sentence 5; "But as I read through each pages down to that last one."

Remove the "s" at the end of page, as the rest of the sentence implies there are multiple pages. Additionally, depending on how you want it to sound, you could substitute "the" for "that" in the same sentence.

In the sentence below that, "off" is the wrong word. Remove 1 "f" to make it "of" and the sentence is correct in English.

There are many more minor mistakes such as that, but I was able to follow along. You're really quite good at English considering it's, what...your third language?

Overall really well done.

O.o And the Cafe seems to have eaten my review the first time I tried to post it...good thing I copy/pasted...

-Caradoc

[Pax]

wow.. you enjoying my cheesiness, that's is awesome... thank your the edition... it was supposed to be a short poem only... i like the story so i move on... you know I'm glad your reading this book...

yes, it's my third language... its hard but i am trying to improve myself... with you help and my friends as well... i am able to edit this book... so a big thank you...

sometimes i think i should have stick to poems but making stories was the first got me to writing... you enjoyment on my chapter is priceless... because that's one of my fuel to write... thank you very much...

[Caradoc]

You're most welcome my friend. This is an excellent piece and poems/songs that tell stories are always a pleasure to read. In regards to the length, I think it's perfectly sized.

My own start with writing came with my desire to have books, movies etc, end the way I wanted them to. Interestingly enough, I've never written fan-fiction. I always came up with my own stuff...and the characters and stories I wrote led to my first poem.

[Pax]

pardon me with my errors on my reply, god now i notice i am the king of typo, even in replies hehe...

oh yeah about the length you'd be surprise its too short... and this book is quite an experiment... i am not really good at words... but i did tried in one story i made that i abandon( a lengthy one)... sad.. hope someday i could revisit it and continued on... it was a bit long...

fan fiction was never my forte as well... somehow i cannot write it the way it goes... so i always create my own... so i guess we are the same on that manner...

[Caradoc]

Indeed.

[FJ Davis]

A well expressed, intensely emotional piece regarding an unusually noble decision.
Makes for very absorbing reading, Pax!

[Pax]

thank you mr. Frank :)

[Dhaye]

"It happened time to time in every pages of the dairy."---diary (naging gatas yung diary. Lol)

"Yet it was still the issue." -----"Yet it is still the issue" (It was the issue and still now the issue)

I'm so sorry for all the pain I cause. ---I'm so sorry for all the pain I've caused.

Hoping that when I leave the country, this will set the both of you free.----this will set the the freedom for both of you.


Huhu! Sacrifice na naman. So sad, but nice start of your novel.

[Pax]

lol ~ talaga lang naman oh ~ hahaha di ko napansin yang gatas nayan lol

[Pax]

this will set the the freedom for both of you.??

[Dhaye]

inayos ko lang yung the both of you free. Hehe. If confusing yan sa iyo eh di "this will set both of you free"..Aww, ganun din kaya yun. Ganito na lang...Hoping that when I leave the country, you will be free to love each other or you have that freedom to love each other.

[Dhaye]

Hehe. Why nadagdagan ang gatas (dairy) mo? Lol. :)

[Pax]

lol sakto naman pala yung una eh ~ ikaw talaga lol

[Dhaye]

Eto yung sinasabi ko nung una, 8th line: "It happened time to time in every pages of the dairy."---diary

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

lol gatas talaga heheh

[Pax]

:) na change ko na, sorry di ko nakita dalawa pala yung diary word... thanks my friend.

[gabrielle]

What a sacrifice..Though i may not necessarily agree on this: "Goodbye my good and bad memories." For me you can never say good bye to those, you can only refuse to remember it but time will come those memories will resurface.

[Pax]

yes... that is why he is still in ------- in the next chapter... :D thank you kabayan... i so appreciate you reading my novel...

[Corset]

The unconditional love in this story is prominent, to want your brother to be happy over any lingering feelings you may carry and truly bless them in love is an amazing story, there are few in this world so selfless, I loved this chapter, well done Pax!!

[Pax]

oh... thank you so much dear friend... I'm so elated with you reading my booklet...

[Sugar Plum ♥]

I can say, it`s so creative way of writing chapter, in a poem-like form! it took my attention right away and loved reading it. it`s very intriguing though sad, as he leaves his beloved one to his brother..that main line seems to develop after. just i didn`t feel the man who left the letter is so extremely in love or jealous...Maybe he is too sad, or the moments of his love are suddenly gone, he looks little depressed, but mostly relieved to go away from all. he acts like real 'gentleman" in this case, don`t fight or say bad words to his 'wife", but just little sadness is inside him..i want to see what happens after!

[Pax]

oh.. I'm so glad your hook on the story...
thank you so much... It made me remember these story....
and re read it again and like i said the emotion is still there...
I'm not sure if this is the first or the second book in prose-poem style...
coz i made two... the other one is so short... I'm quite proud at this even
though it has its short comings(grammars) but it was the first of my story that got attention in deviantart... so I'm glad with this... I'm so thankful you are reading this...

[Mia]

If I may say, your English has improved quiet a lot already. You have made some much progress already. Comparing this to your more recent writing :D
This story is a wonderful mix of sadness and happiness. I can't imagine it was easy for your character to let his brother and ex-girlfriend be together with his blessing. The fact that he insisted was selfless and made this chapter beautiful. Wonderful job. It would be lovely to know their names but maybe I'll find them out in later chapters.

[Pax]

Mia...you've already read the second book in the prologue of wondering thoughts...remember that....this is the very beginning...a short prose-poem that evolve into a mini booklet... thank you so much Mia my friend..

[Mia]

Ah-ha! I must go back and refresh my memory...it's difficult to remember when you read so many different stories :) You are very welcome Pax

[Pax]

:D....i know the feeling very well....

[Katherine Enma Pineappl..]

D': You have a very wonderful first chapter here and it seems all so tragic. It makes me think that the character is awfully noble for what he did and strong too.

Your intriguing first chapter made me really think and kind of get absorbed in the story as well

[Pax]

thanks kabayan...actually this was only really a poem for a contest in DA..then its gets expanded to a whole book because i feel sorry for the brother....so i contenued his story.... Salamat ng marami...

[Katherine Enma Pineapple]

what a nice turn of events... serendipity perhaps? :) You're welcome

[Pax]

the story speaks for itself...maybe...not totally sure.. :)

[Katherine Enma Pineapple]

then let it speak :D Our stories have minds of their own and usually tend to be beautiful even without us :)

[Shep]

I liked this which was strange. As many times I felt I wanted to say good bye to free my self from the pain you have described here. Perhaps my life story is a form of good bye letting me feel one last time as sift through the memories. Yes I wonder will free me as write the last words that seal my fate.

Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to return the favor, but always keep my promises.. I you will noticed I have posted some more chapters. Today a lone I writen more than 24 pages. I acutally think I could be possible to write a complete novel without any fiction as I hage reached almost. 100 hundred pages and I haven't scrached the surffus.

[Shep]

After rereading your profile. I seemed to understand you more a was amazed how well you write in english in stead of you native tongue. I strongly believe with a little help from me and others you could become on of the greats that love to read over and over again.

[Pax]

dont feel sorry,your review is really great and i learned a lot from you, on how a story works. thank you for this review its really great complement, someday I'll improve like you say...thanks for giving me hope.