landmines

In poetry I unload to explode

To break free from all the dynamite

I usually kept hidden

My passive nature makes me resistant

to its pollutants. 

Sometimes they’re more like landmines

Awaiting for someone

Who stomp the wrong buttons 

Then detonate

And explode between my shouts

And cries.

 

In all honesty

No matter how resistant I am to become resilient 

my core is too vulnerable to crumble

By a simple backslash of toxic tongues

And suddenly I fall in my knees to simply walk away

No battle is worth an effort

When you know it’s just pride

Battling himself.

Author's Note

The poem speaks for itself, but I just want to confirm yes, I tend to bottled-up my feelings. That is why sometimes I easily get depressed. I don’t speak-out a lot or just careful not to hurt anyone with my words. So in poetry I rant almost everything so that it will not eat me into depression.

Its hurts me when I look back, to those people who say mean things to me that I simply ignore because it’s not worthy to argue anymore, they tend to get stuck on their own opinion, too closed to have an open mind.

thank you for reading me

Reviews

[emmajoy]

Your sadness and frustration about life in general so often wraps around your words. Tis sad that you're made so aware of unkindness and indifference because you don't deserve such behaviour. However, sometimes tis better to speak out, smile or shrug.. not let folk think they have the upper hand or power to offend. Focus on friendship and good things, my friend.. wrap yourself in those, truly can help.

This poem is superbly expressed.

[An owl on the moon]

So honest... so painful to read... to know you have been cut like this, dear friend. I could relate so well to your words... having gone through depression for so long... aching to know that people can be so cruel. Thank you for sharing your soul with us. May you find such light to lift you always.

[ANTO]

The 'explosives'do leak - serious pollutants into their storage environment if stored and not used. This leads to toxicity in the body and the mind - so further suffering is caused to the one who suffered the sling and arrow of outrageous fortune to begin with.
Counselling and learning to be assertive is one way (a positive one) of dealing with these bombs.
Your poem made me think Pax. Thank you for sharing.

[Sami Khalil]

"detonate
And explode between my shouts
And cries.

In all honestly
No matter how resistant I am to become resilient"

Depression is an battle and you have said it marvelously here through powerful imagery and self depiction. Some things implode and some things explode but humans have the resilience and the fortitude for survival into the different stages of life or faith and the expressive languages to share with others. Let your thinking mind dispel the negative emotions by giving commands of positive repetition[ prayer can be one of them or serene chanting within] all the time to your emotional mind which is always accepting the dictates of the aforementioned . Gradually it will dissipate by time. We are what we think and what we react to any situation in life or people. An excellent write, dear brother...:)......................

[Devons]

A wonderfully strong climax to this poem. There is a lot of fierce soul in the writing here, and the use of explosives as function of the meaning works very effectively, almost caustically (in a positive sense, of course, in terms of connection with the reader). It also brings to mind the sense of catharsis there is in expression through the written word. Catharsis has an explosive onomatopoeic feel about it, I think.
It's interesting that those contained, physically unexpressed feelings can be turned into something more effective to the self. Perhaps writing is truly a compensation for a lack of other things, or a dissatisfaction with life. Something like that in some way we all share in a sense. Perhaps.

NB there are couple of alterations needed in the English: "In all honestly" should be "in all HONESTY"; and maybe "..fall in my knees.." should be "fall to my knees" I think..? Not much really.

[Walker Andreasen]

"No battle is worth the effort when you know its just pride battling himself."
At first I didn't understand the the topic of the poem. Anger, maybe? Or graceful word vomit with a superb ending? But, then i read your note and the poem suddenly deepened and made sense. Maybe it was my surface-reading for the first read through, but after I understood the metaphor of the poem I can't help to say its brilliant.
And then that line, "No battle is worth the effort when you know its just pride battling himself." What an arresting line. Not only by itself as a thought that one could possibly apply to anything, but to the poem? It drives home the the battle with the dynamite. Well done, sir.

[Athina]

Deep writing kabayan... i understand the feeling when people criticize you but dont worry, just keep on writing and let your feelings be unloaded through. At least, hard emotions turned to positive talent.

[Marie]

You are very lucky to be able to express yourself through writing; I can't even do that. You write of your feelings, of your hurts. But you never hurt anyone else with your writing.

[gabrielle]

I could feel once again your trademark in this piece, pax: raw emotions painted in words. When you are always on guard or very careful on to what you say to others, it means (at least to me) that you are not really certain whether you have establish a strong relationship with them. I could imagine a relationship (friendship or romantic or work) built on top of eggs on this. Regarding your author's note, if people are being mean or nasty, let them be. It speaks more of who they are. :)

Always glad to see you here at WC! :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i too bottle up mine....and they are expressed through my poetry, those are the explosions in words...without poetry, i would self-destruct...

i understand and relate to this poem very well, my friend.

j.