shadow of doubt

 

 

In the blurry seconds of my daily life

Musing the elusive Muse

Seeing the unseen Imaginings

I spilled my undecided minorities

                     - of the future, so bleak…

 

Why-oh-Why?

Do I fear the shadow of doubt???

Dreary weary soul has loosen his edge

                             into a fading dream, unfulfilled…

 

Needles of Reality

    pinned-up to the heart as if it’s normal thing

It stings a bit, yet it’s bearable…

I know & bear the sharp truth

It doesn’t hurt that bad, because I understand,

with all the compassion I could master,

will to live the life I feel for what’s right

 

so…

I persist the moment I resist

              the overflowing dark void.

I light-up the candle

       to stay warm as darkness blinds many things.

                                      and becomes cold.

 

Then…

I walk in a darkened path with a heavy burden

I don’t mind as long as...

I hold so dear the light so clear,

   for I can live another day

      until I find the fuel of my being…

 

Author's Note

This piece is very raw, written today as I was trying to force myself to write, then I felt like this is an outburst of my emotional journey as of the moment. Darkness is at bay and I am getting agnostic on my faith - thinking I am probably agnostic, but no, I try to light up the candle that I always have, for me to hope and to continue on believing of what's right of my own understanding...

Credits to the photo:
un inconnu by tuminka

Reviews

[Tai Ryens]

Blurry seconds of daily life in the throes of the darkness of what seems to be an eternal darkness symbolizing our inability to know the future and the torch that lights the path forward just a bit, so we can have an idea of where we are going.. Or perhaps the torch symbolizes the knowledge and acceptance that we don't nor will ever know the future, and the light represents the comfort we have in our surroundings, allowing us to move with relatively less fear in the darkness while we await something to let us know what our purpose is. Stellar write, I enjoyed it.

[Tate Morgan]

You see a bleak future Pax But the value of a man is not in what he owns . You will make it pax you will make it

[Pax]

thanks my friend, sigh... i surely wish my friend, with all my heart, I kept holding on... life is still good... I am grateful, I so appreciate you shining wisdom...

[Tate Morgan]

You simply get back up scream to the fates is the best you got?

[Pax]

ahh fate, it just stare at you no matter how many times you throw something or shout at it... yet no matter, I'll survive, and do something to get better...

[Pax]

thanks my friend, I so appreciate you.. always!

[Tate Morgan]

you are welcome

[gabrielle]

The last stanza spoke so much of a stark reality. The world would not stop revolving because we are in a state of sadness or in a state of struggle.... It would be difficult to see the light offered by others if we cannot recognize the light radiating from us.

[Pax]

pretty Gab... thank you... the light will always be with us, it is just us who don't see it sometimes...

[gabrielle]

huli ka!! :) if you have time, kindly check pinoy ako...i submitted a riddle-poem in there... :)

[Pax]

:D huli ako, lol, I'll check that out... short-time lng ako ngayon, hopefully not..hehe..

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the thoughts and the journey in the poem.
"I hold so dear the light so clear,
for I can live another day
until I find the fuel of my being…"
The above is held true for the most of us. Need reason and purpose to go forward. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Pax]

yes, so true my good friend, I am so glad you visit and read my piece, thank you very much for sharing your thoughts...

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome. Always a pleasure to read your work.

[audrie]

I think that for some people sheer reality of life in this world can give anyone a reason to doubt. I use to fixate on negative things and feel that living life was a cruel endeavor - It takes a lot of faith to believe that the Universe will take care of you. I use to believe that The Universe gave us only as much as we can bare. However, I think about suicide and all of the people who were given more than they can . Life is a tricky thing

[Pax]

Thank you so much, my friend. I hope you don't think about suicide anymore. Because I always thought that Suicide really doesn't solve anything and creates more sadness to the people who loves me...There is too many doubt that clouds a mind, and for me I'll always try, and try more harder to find the light. I so appreciate you insights my friend, it led me to think of many things, specially this line: "The Universe gave us only as much as we can bare." Life is a tricky thing and so as the mind, but we do what we must for the sake of the good things that we wanted to achieved, or the good happy things that our mind to be content about. thank you again...

[audrie]

You're right, I think that suicide causes much pain for the people left behind. . . thanks for your response. peace, balance and harmony

[David Scott]

I am reminded of Scripture here... We have valleys of shadow we must tread in life. There is inspiration here as well, as you have shown clearly in your poetry.
Well done Pax.

[Pax]

thank you so much, mr. David, I am reminded about hope, that we should never lose them even through tought times. I am glad to see your sights here, I am so grateful!

[Marie]

You need't be afraid of the shadows;without them we have no light...keep holding up your candle...

[Pax]

thank you so much, Marie, my friend... yes, I'll keep on holding it, never to lose it as I descover the things I needed to know and experienced.

[Pax]

I do love the fact you connect here bro, to your deepest it seems inner fears... You really do skatch us your shadows, or shades, with your ink. We get a perfect wander in your mindset. Yet, it seems with the candle and the ligth you bring into it, you create your own shadows, for they balance out your darker side with your inner light. (I enjoyed this creative foced one of yours) for it's saying so much in a few lines. Very well spelled out, and you made it real... (for it is real, I think). Beautifully penned~ dear one.

- Elisa :)

[Pax]

hugs tight, big sis...

"you create your own shadows, for they balance out your darker side with your inner light."
You see the balance in many things, so much, that I know how big your heart is... I can't thank you enough for your shared wisdom and warmth to your self-doubting friend&brother, sometimes we all needed a little push, and i do it through writing, I am always grateful to you... stay clear as the water big sis...

Many big hugs to you little bro... I enjoy your work so much always -xx-

[Sami Khalil]

You are not just a deep writer, but more so authentic to the bones of reality. You carry its heavy burdens which can be lonely and cold, but love and hope within fuel your inner being. Although it is hard to resist the dark voids, but with compassion and valuing life, they will dissipate all together. Life is to share, to connect and learn lessons as we grow. Excellent...:)................

[Pax]

"valuing life" - oh, that is I am holding into, I always value life, there are still more to it than the dark voids that hurdles our road. You are so keen my friend & brother, like I always knew you are. Bless us all, Thank you so much...

[Sami Khalil]

Wow. You are welcome...:)...................

[Nusquam Esse]

Man... have I been here. That moment when you realize, or at least suspect that the things you have built your life on were just lies and deception... or at the very least, not the perfect truths you thought they were. I went into denial for a while, the idea of having everything fall apart was terrifying. Then I realized, that I should have never built myself around these things to begin with. Why were these beliefs, which were never mine to begin with, so core to my identity? I began to look at who I was beyond this, and to not focus on why things couldn't be the way I had been told they would be. ex. If you were told that if you went to school, and did everything you should, then you could become anything you wanted to... But now, you have done this, and more, and yet you have realized that you will never have the things you were told you would. At first you become disenchanted with the reality you have built... but in time, you will find that there is a beauty in those goals you had once never had, which you would have missed out on if you had pursued those original dreams. You can find meaning in purpose in even those things which at first seem to hold nothing for you. Just don't build your identity around fear; fear of death, fear of failure, fear of no purpose, fear of being wrong. Hope is more complex an emotion than we thought in our youth; and it is in many things which mask its existence. Anyway, best of luck with this dark time in your life; choose what you feel is true, and don't live with regret. As for the poem itself, I think you meant 'muster' rather than 'master', the former one meaning 'to gather'.

[Pax]

I have read this review and advice few many times now, and tryly I cherish your advice: "Just don't build your identity around fear; fear of death, fear of failure, fear of no purpose, fear of being wrong." I fear so many things but the thing that really gets me everytime is I fear being worthless or fear being a failure, one time I failed hard that I can't even cry anymore, i felt a numbing sensation. sigh... that's in the past... now I learned so many here in wc, that is why I am grateful to you my friends, because this community has given me so much to learn about life itself. You have given me alot my friend, I can't thank you enough...

[Nusquam Esse]

No worries man, years ago I was controlled by my own fear, but I learned to let it go. Sometimes it just takes a little encouragement to help us get through the tunnel without light.

[Pax]

big smiles, take care my friend, I am glad you shared me your insights on how to stand up and push ourselves to be better than dwell in the dark. I am grateful :)
typo: "truly cherish"