just as you know the photo chosen was a complete coincidence to what i just wrote... I already finished this piece before I found the photo that matched the storyline. And I do think it really adds up to the depth of the story pondering of my inner child....
enjoy!
thank you for reading my work.
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Let me state first my interpretation and REACTION on this piece, bro.
As I read the piece, I found out that this is just a continuation of the poem I just read this morning which is a conversation of the inner child to the adult self. The concept captivated my interest because of the title itself. You know, "Infinity" is such a "controversial" word when it comes to relationships...as it also reflects in the word "forever". There are some who do not believe in such word. Why not? A person would make a promise to be there "forever" only to find out that tomorrow he/she could be saying the same thing to another person. Funny that the word forever would only mean "now" or "today" or "tonight" or "at this moment". But time has its own people...and people has their own time. People are not the same. If some have made a different color in that word...that instead it could bring HOPE and FAITH, it would only broken TRUST between two people....there are still who believe in the true sense of using the word "forever". And that is what I hoped for...and I want to believe...because I trust the person.
Now, going back to the poem's structure, I like the way you presented it. I have no doubt that you mastered different styles in presenting your piece...which I admire about you as a writer...which I want to try also. Haha! At least in little ways, you are my mentor, baby brother. LOL.
There are some fine lines especially when the adult self discusses the meaning of infinity. I don't have any reaction with it.
But look at these lines:
"Don’t you think they collide?”
Ahh, very nice observation young one.
And yeah, I think they do.
“Don’t you think both are reaching out?”
No, I don’t think so.
First off, this is a conversation...a dialogue...how come you forgot to use quotation marks to the lines of the adult self? It's for the whole poem...I mean.
As to the meaning of those lines...TO COLLIDE means "to crash or to bump into"...
""Don’t you think they collide?”
Ahh, very nice observation young one.
And yeah, I think they do.
When the adult self admitted that the sea and the sky collide..that means he believe that they crash or bump into each other to be one for a moment or some moments.
Now, examine these following lines:
"“Don’t you think both are reaching out?”
No, I don’t think so.
It is better if the question starts with the (positive) "Do" instead of (negative)"Don't"...like
"“Do you think both are reaching out?” which is to be answered with a "No, I don’t think so."
These lines mean that the adult self don't believe that both are making ways to reach out to each other...which is a contradiction to the previous lines...UNLESS you really meant there is "they collide or they are fighting as in striking each other" so the adult doesn't believe if they are extending their arms to support each other. So which of the two? At least I have two meanings here. Hehe.
Here...
“But don’t you think, there is something out of nothing?”
I do believe there is…
“But don't you think, there is something out of nothing?”
I do THINK there is…
*Know that any answer must depend on the given question.
Since from the preceding lines, the younger self is so smart in asking questions...why not in this part, you add another follow up question about that "something out of nothing"? It seems that it is only something not relevant which you can take out from the piece...UNLESS you add some lines which will make those lines conform with the concept of INFINITY. Parang naligaw lang sya na tanong nong bata. Hehe. After that..you see...the child is tired already. LOL
You can also say "Our journey has always an end" instead of saying "Our journey always does have an end."
The photo is perfect for the piece! I really like it. It shows that the sea and the sky are both reaching out which is again not compliant with the line "No, I don't think so."
But anyway, in general, this is a very interesting piece- interesting title, nice presentation, perfect photo, nice font used, word choice, and nice author. LOL
Peace be with you, bro! Ice, please... =)
Posted 10 Years Ago
2 of 2 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
I guess it is somehow a continuation, because I’ve used the same characters of the previous one. S.. read moreI guess it is somehow a continuation, because I’ve used the same characters of the previous one. So I guess it is a yes for continuation. :)
You know my friend, in relationship, in my understanding, is just like food, it doesn’t last forever, it will eventually rot if not refrigerate for a certain time and not taken well cared for. We’ve been using forever for quite a long time, it adds a romantic feeling to our confessions or love expression. You know I am just being practical and seeing reality at that time when I said forever is not the right word to give your love one but a life time is the right word for it. Still I am not saying that you can’t use that word… it is still the right romantic word for someone you love. Forever might meant a certain time or moment, in that matter you are right..
About the quotation marks, you noticed it is not applied in the adult’s dialog, you see I did that on purpose, not only to separate the child’s dialog and the adult, but also to emphasize that the child is the deeper consciousness of the adult. Because the child was the one who just pops out of nowhere, to start a conversation…
Now, I edited it. And to explain the colliding and reaching out. The child is throwing trivial questions on which is much deeper pretty friend. He throws questions after the other to another again. That is why “something out of nothing” was added to the throwing of question. And didn’t you see, it has a relation to the trivial word the child throws to the adult - “The serene pristine sea is at the brink of nothing.”
Pretty friend, this piece has/have much deeper meaning to me, the child in me just throws some trivial questions and words… somehow this piece – infinity, the child questions that and also comparing it to other things like lifetime, nothingness, and etc…
I hope I have explained myself clear if not question away, fire away..lol
Thanks so much pretty friend, I really, really enjoyed this review…
10 Years Ago
.............. :) Haba. Pang-review rin ang dating. Pang-top reviewer talaga sya. LOL
To and for between the lines...
gives much to the reader...
the eyes get to move and the meaning is registered...
the conversation grips the reader in...
as the two continue on with their narrative...
the subject matter and the Q&A are present...
gave a different perspective of things here...Pax...
Let me state first my interpretation and REACTION on this piece, bro.
As I read the piece, I found out that this is just a continuation of the poem I just read this morning which is a conversation of the inner child to the adult self. The concept captivated my interest because of the title itself. You know, "Infinity" is such a "controversial" word when it comes to relationships...as it also reflects in the word "forever". There are some who do not believe in such word. Why not? A person would make a promise to be there "forever" only to find out that tomorrow he/she could be saying the same thing to another person. Funny that the word forever would only mean "now" or "today" or "tonight" or "at this moment". But time has its own people...and people has their own time. People are not the same. If some have made a different color in that word...that instead it could bring HOPE and FAITH, it would only broken TRUST between two people....there are still who believe in the true sense of using the word "forever". And that is what I hoped for...and I want to believe...because I trust the person.
Now, going back to the poem's structure, I like the way you presented it. I have no doubt that you mastered different styles in presenting your piece...which I admire about you as a writer...which I want to try also. Haha! At least in little ways, you are my mentor, baby brother. LOL.
There are some fine lines especially when the adult self discusses the meaning of infinity. I don't have any reaction with it.
But look at these lines:
"Don’t you think they collide?”
Ahh, very nice observation young one.
And yeah, I think they do.
“Don’t you think both are reaching out?”
No, I don’t think so.
First off, this is a conversation...a dialogue...how come you forgot to use quotation marks to the lines of the adult self? It's for the whole poem...I mean.
As to the meaning of those lines...TO COLLIDE means "to crash or to bump into"...
""Don’t you think they collide?”
Ahh, very nice observation young one.
And yeah, I think they do.
When the adult self admitted that the sea and the sky collide..that means he believe that they crash or bump into each other to be one for a moment or some moments.
Now, examine these following lines:
"“Don’t you think both are reaching out?”
No, I don’t think so.
It is better if the question starts with the (positive) "Do" instead of (negative)"Don't"...like
"“Do you think both are reaching out?” which is to be answered with a "No, I don’t think so."
These lines mean that the adult self don't believe that both are making ways to reach out to each other...which is a contradiction to the previous lines...UNLESS you really meant there is "they collide or they are fighting as in striking each other" so the adult doesn't believe if they are extending their arms to support each other. So which of the two? At least I have two meanings here. Hehe.
Here...
“But don’t you think, there is something out of nothing?”
I do believe there is…
“But don't you think, there is something out of nothing?”
I do THINK there is…
*Know that any answer must depend on the given question.
Since from the preceding lines, the younger self is so smart in asking questions...why not in this part, you add another follow up question about that "something out of nothing"? It seems that it is only something not relevant which you can take out from the piece...UNLESS you add some lines which will make those lines conform with the concept of INFINITY. Parang naligaw lang sya na tanong nong bata. Hehe. After that..you see...the child is tired already. LOL
You can also say "Our journey has always an end" instead of saying "Our journey always does have an end."
The photo is perfect for the piece! I really like it. It shows that the sea and the sky are both reaching out which is again not compliant with the line "No, I don't think so."
But anyway, in general, this is a very interesting piece- interesting title, nice presentation, perfect photo, nice font used, word choice, and nice author. LOL
Peace be with you, bro! Ice, please... =)
Posted 10 Years Ago
2 of 2 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
I guess it is somehow a continuation, because I’ve used the same characters of the previous one. S.. read moreI guess it is somehow a continuation, because I’ve used the same characters of the previous one. So I guess it is a yes for continuation. :)
You know my friend, in relationship, in my understanding, is just like food, it doesn’t last forever, it will eventually rot if not refrigerate for a certain time and not taken well cared for. We’ve been using forever for quite a long time, it adds a romantic feeling to our confessions or love expression. You know I am just being practical and seeing reality at that time when I said forever is not the right word to give your love one but a life time is the right word for it. Still I am not saying that you can’t use that word… it is still the right romantic word for someone you love. Forever might meant a certain time or moment, in that matter you are right..
About the quotation marks, you noticed it is not applied in the adult’s dialog, you see I did that on purpose, not only to separate the child’s dialog and the adult, but also to emphasize that the child is the deeper consciousness of the adult. Because the child was the one who just pops out of nowhere, to start a conversation…
Now, I edited it. And to explain the colliding and reaching out. The child is throwing trivial questions on which is much deeper pretty friend. He throws questions after the other to another again. That is why “something out of nothing” was added to the throwing of question. And didn’t you see, it has a relation to the trivial word the child throws to the adult - “The serene pristine sea is at the brink of nothing.”
Pretty friend, this piece has/have much deeper meaning to me, the child in me just throws some trivial questions and words… somehow this piece – infinity, the child questions that and also comparing it to other things like lifetime, nothingness, and etc…
I hope I have explained myself clear if not question away, fire away..lol
Thanks so much pretty friend, I really, really enjoyed this review…
10 Years Ago
.............. :) Haba. Pang-review rin ang dating. Pang-top reviewer talaga sya. LOL
If you penned this Pax out of pure imagination then I would say WOW ! Standing ovation with my hat down. This is brilliant. I see the artistic side of you here with the way you arrange your wordings and lines. I do like the innocence of the topic of conversation between the writer and young lad. Defining the undifineable and putting it into words is really impressive here Pax. Though some may not all agree that there is really a place that exist outside our physical realm hidden from our naked eyes. The *Bible* refer to this place as ETERNITY. And its subdivided or even partitioned into two more realm ~ Smoking and Non smoking. The latter is the great reproached. And people with near death experience have experienced or have seen this place. If you would like to see more about it. Please search and type " LAZARUS PHENOMENON " . There are written accounts and documentary compiled about this place. It is not just a product of our imagination. It truly exist.
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Neil my friend, I am so glad you liked this one. Sometimes when I am deeply alone, and i wanted to e.. read moreNeil my friend, I am so glad you liked this one. Sometimes when I am deeply alone, and i wanted to express something, a voice will come out of the blue. Sometimes like this, I just let the child be incharges of the words that comes out. This is the second time I used this here if you want to have a little read: http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/willyampax/1088966/
I say this to myself: i write 50% on emotions, 10% in wordplay and 40% in imagination. So i guess emotions plays a huge part on why I write. a huge thank you for all your review...
ps, that phenomenon is really interesting, I am always fascinated on the supernatural things like this... thank you for that info...
i love the picture, and the way you used voices in this. there is a lot of truth in what you say, personally i like the idea of an ending to life, i think it gives life dignity and i liked the sense of a life time in your poem i found that very symbolic. i'll accept heaven if i reach it one day. you really are the most philosophical writer here and i like that about your work. fantastic.
Pax this is wonderful, I love the question and answering of the two entities, the philosophy contained within, I'm a young one one too, because I think they meet, touch and caress each other as the duel life givers, sustainers of this world, air and water , without either there would be no life on this planet. Everything about this write is gorgeous, I love it when you do this type of writing.
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Hello there!
I am Willyam Pax from the Philippines and now residing here in Saudi Arabia for work. I am not a writer but a sensitive aspiring artist who expresses himself into .. more..