~ Land of Poets ~

- series #4

 

~ Land of Poets ~

I sit on the stock pile of emotions

with crappy verses of my distraught voices.

 

Fragile words carefully stored

In this land of poets, we concord.

  

I stroke my bleeding pen,

to write away any burden.

 

I am often ashamed,

Uncertainties to blame

With nothing to claim

I hide in the moment I lied

Full of rules and fears, I am fully tied

Can’t escape nor set aside

Just a person riding the tide.

 

 You might think this is word-play,

Too unrealistic to life’s role-play.

Yet I say:

It’s a piece of my screaming heart, conveyed

in a creative way.

Author's Note

Sometimes I would think that I should stop writing poems, that I have no future in what so ever in it or stop writing all together. It’s a hobby that can’t feed me yet it feeds my mind and filled my soul with wisdom, that my heart is communicating - somewhat sprinkling bits of pieces he wants to convey. I feel tired you know, there is too many uncertainties I feel, it stings, somewhat my soul bleeds... yet I found a special family of friends here, and that to me is worth enough to stay in this site.

I write from a deep perspective, something that hides behind the rhymes. More often it is just fragments of my soul, scattered in all of my verses.

This was part of my series of poems, the fourth one to be exact.
Here is the others:
Heavy Hear #1
Vast Space #2
Silent Scream #3


Credits to the photo used:
Papercuts by sea-of-ice

Reviews

[Rose of Gondor]

Poetry is a hard life. Writing is a hard life. Art, in any way, shape or form is a hard life. But we do it because we feel it in our souls. We might not necessarily be good at it. It might not be able to earn us a living, and all the words in our heart may threaten to tear us apart, or to overflow and drown the world. It may seem like too much of a burden, to have the power of the pen, to feel like you're drifting out on an ocean of emotions that flicker so quickly past you don't have time to grasp it and put it on paper, thoughts and feelings too beautiful to ever be captured by words. And so many times we want to walk away, to stop, to give up. But I think what makes it worth it isn't the result. It doesn't matter what happens in the end. Whether the words are clumsy or not. Whether anybody publishes it or not. Whether or not anyone else approves, even. It doesn't matter in the end. What matters is the journey. And honestly, for people like us? The journey itself is enough.

[Pax]

I really admire your words my friend, it really fills my heart with warmth, its breathtaking how broad the insight you have just shared. No matter what happens to life, even it is hard, what matters indeed is the journey, that despite all things that had happened, we are still here, going through the journey, we are alive - and in writing it, it breathes our lives in verses... sigh, such a beautiful review, thank you my friend...

[A. Amos]

Poetry in very raw and pure form, love the way you share your soul with your readers, I wish you all the best my friend. I have been to your country and loved it you guys have the biggest shopping mall in far east, which was located in Manila. Wish you a great success, keep writing you are good.

[Pax]

Thank you my friend.

[A. Amos]

You're welcome and you should be in America, saudi is too dry for talent like you.

[Pax]

oh, sorry for the late reply my friend... Middle east is the easies to go through for us filipino who doesn't have enough money, America has too many requirements and requires a lot of money to go in... i wish it was just as easy my friend but it is not... :) for now I welcome all the opportunity that is open for me. :)

[A. Amos]

Good I like your very positive insight, as I mention you early I have traveled your beautiful country. You will go places my prayers are with you.......

[stars are far]

well.. i totally agree with you, but poetry is the best way to empty your mind... and as lord bayron says:' if i dont write to empty my mind i go mad"...and thats totally me and im sure that you can relate to that too... and you are one of my family over here, and no one can leave their family :( .. that was totally amazing poem i truelly liked it :) ...

[Pax]

I can sure relate to that... I bleed more if I don't expressed them, the mind is a crazy place to be alone with, to be consumed with it who would not get mad by that... thank you my friend, you too are family to me... I am glad to have you on board in the big family we have here in wc...

[stars are far]

Im glad too :)

[Sir Joe]

Indeed, writing, as multifaceted as it is, serves a lot of purposes. It is one way to creatively express one's thoughts, feelings, or emotions. It is a means of freezing a scenery, moment or event in time. It is a mirror that reflects life as it is, as it ought to be, and as it never will be.

While I agree with what some of the people here said, I and myself agree to disagree with some of the comments here; not for me to be rude, condescending, or antagonistic, but for me to stick to what I really am as a reviewer. You know me, Paxie. I'm a friend, not an enemy. =)

Anyway, let me proceed to my comment on your poem. I think I understand what the poet is trying to say -- he finds writing a great medium of putting into words what he feels, experiences, thinks, and knows. The good thing is, the poet was able to say it with poesy. Literary devices were used such as some figures of speech, images, defamiliarization, rhyme and rhythm.

However, I noticed that some consecutive lines contained in the same stanza are not smooth flowing because of incoherent transition. For example, these lines in the first stanza are somewhat incoherent because the transition is not so good:
"I sit on the stock pile of emotions,
Crappy verses of my distraught voices."

How about making it more coherent by changing it to something like this:
"I sit on the stock of piled emotions
With crappy verses of my distraught voices."?

Some other consecutive lines have the same snag, like these lines:
"Often ashamed,
Uncertainties to blame"

I've also spotted a dangling modifier:
"Fragile words carefully stored
In this land of poets, we concord."

Paxie, I love the message of the poem, and even the words used. Nonetheless, If this poem is more coherent, it'll be made clearer, more appealing, and smoother-flowing.

=)

[Pax]

no worries sir Joe, I know you well and good. So I understand everything you do is for the benefit of the author, that makes you a great reviewer and professor for me and to your students as well.

I truly appreciate your help on my grammar, I am still working on that part, i guess its a long process, but i am heading there.. :)

i have a question: dangling modifier - is that a good thing or a bad thing in a piece?

it is so good to see you sir Joe, thank you so much!

[Sir Joe]

A dangling modifier adds ambiguity to the lines.
Take a look this this:
"Fragile words carefully stored in this land of poets, we concord."

Oh, I just realized there is no dangling modifier there. My wrong! Nevertheless, those lines are still ambiguous because of the incoherent connection between "we concord" and the rest of those two lines.
"Fragile words carefully stored in this land of poets" should modify the pronoun "we" to make the thought clearer. So you better add the word "with".

Without the word "with", there seems to be no well-established connection between "we concord" and the other words.

[Sir Joe]

By the way, my comments are not mainly on grammar anymore but on issues on clarity and coherence.

[Pax]

thanks so much mi amigo... in that line i am referring to the wc or any other poetry sharing websites, that in our words - fragile or not, we unite as one - poets of the same kind. :) I really appreciate this one sir Joe.. truly thank you for bringing clarity to my poetry... ":)

[Sir Joe]

No prob,pax. :)

[Ruth]

Let's face it, we write because it is a need, it is us to do so...a release from life and wanting to voice things to record a moment, we don't write for the fame or money in it, there seldom is any lol I enjoy your poetry, always visceral and emotively so :) x

[Pax]

thank you my friend. always!

[Brittany Zedalis]

This is very emotional and well done. I don't think I could ever stop writing poetry even if I wanted to.

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

You put allot of heart and emotion into this piece i loved that, that's what makes a great poem :)
I love the way it flowed as well... and the rhyming was AMAZING!!!
Dont ever stop writing its something amazing :) it helps let your emotions out, sometimes you cant say something, but you find you can pore your heart out when writing :)
Writing is a great way to get your emotions out, and lots more.

[joshua deathdealer]

Artists must be sacrificed to their art. Like bees, they must put their lives into the sting they give.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

[Fernando Dardón]

Our souls will never get tired of what they like to do, and if they like writing then the answer to your pains maybe easier than you thought so: your soul will keep writing and shatering into pieces every time you write. But hey! As long as your soul wants todo write, then it will be allways be able todo leave a piece of itself con every piece you create!!
Also, writing helps su flush away all kind of feelings and lets us renew ourselves each time de do so.
So thats a good thing!
Excellent poemas, perfectamente sublime, excelso.
Felicidades amigo! :)

[Pax]

i like what you've said my friend. to flush away the feeling so goes to the saying: it releases a certaing feeling - a burden or appreciation.

Thank you so much...

[Fernando Dardón]

sorry the weard Spanish words, its the tablet that changes them when Im writing :D
You are welcome!

[Pax]

no problemo mi amigo! :)
now I wished I learned spanish... :) thanks again!

[Fernando Dardón]

well, I strongly recommend Duolingo for that. Its a web page, also available on mac and android

[Pax]

nice, I've signed up now... wow, its so interactive. I liked it. thanks mi amigo...

[Fernando Dardón]

And its addictive too, you're welcome. :D

[La Luna]

Absolutely beautiful well done 👍

[Pax]

thank you so much!

[Belle]

Among the poetry you weaved that verbalized your quandaries, your predicaments, this one is the most refined. This piece encapsulated everything you often reveal, you often communicate. There is no line that can be brushed away with which spoke even about me as poet... It is true indeed, that when you take writing as pharmakon, share what your pen have inscribed, you reveal the secrets of your soul, and often you feel volume of shame, but quite the contrary you find the cathartic effects on the process of it that keeps you moving on.

[Pax]

Thank you dear friend, I always valued your words... I can't thank you enough...
when you talk about refine, ilang beses ko kaya tong na edit, until i almost put it to scrap or shelved it away like my other old writes.. but i am glad i find it better this way and i am really glad you noticed it... a very keen mind you have... :)

[Belle]

I used to often trust my quick ink, but now I am learning to edit without altering the voice of the poem's soul. It is quite good, in another way, to have little time with it before sharing, find that you can do something more and turn it into a better one, or something that you are really happy of...