I would like to make a few suggestions as to the wording. Only minor mistakes, given tense and whatnot.
Sentence 2; 'have' should be 'has' and changed 'erase' to 'erased'. That keeps the tense constant.
Sentence 5; this one is a bit more tricky. I think what you were going for it to say that the hug removes your worries and makes sure they do not bother you. If that is the case, I would alter 'makes', changing it to 'takes' and change 'me' to 'them'.
Sentence 6; I would change 'to' into the word 'the'. Or you could go a different route and put the word 'it' before 'to'.
Aside from those things, which the alterations are merely suggestions based on what I think you were going for, this is great. I enjoyed the romance here, my friend.
-Cara
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
I'm so, so glad you've enjoyed this book my friend, and thankful for your help... this was a quick w.. read moreI'm so, so glad you've enjoyed this book my friend, and thankful for your help... this was a quick write, trying to hold that feelings and write it down fast or it will be forever lost in the distance of my mind and heart... know that i am always grateful to you...
11 Years Ago
I know how that goes. I've "lost" more than a few poems that way. I'm glad I could help.
This is beautiful. Perfect. I think you don't need ice bags here. LOL
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
LOL, thank you, naka gamit nakaya ako ng ice bags dyan kay cara, magaling din yan mag edit...kasi..... read moreLOL, thank you, naka gamit nakaya ako ng ice bags dyan kay cara, magaling din yan mag edit...kasi...
You capture the whole essence of being reunited, nice work.
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
I just love that feeling, I missed that kind of feelin - been away for long now...
thank you .. read moreI just love that feeling, I missed that kind of feelin - been away for long now...
thank you my friend.
And it's all that matters, when it's true love, well spoken here Paxie, I loved the honesty, and the romance of true quill flowing through your ink... you're a sincere man, bro, and friend.... even if it's maybe fictional, I still believe it, which means the world to me, that's what's writing is about, you know?
It's just all that matters.... he and she.... she and he.... no world to watch, just to enjoy eachother.
Well done bro. It's good to be back!
- Elisa
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
hugs tight!
~ thanks you so much, I hidden feeling on this piece is I missed home, it's been l.. read morehugs tight!
~ thanks you so much, I hidden feeling on this piece is I missed home, it's been long and I'm still here under the sands of the desert. It's really good to see yah around big sis, its always a pleasure to see you...
11 Years Ago
Oh feel with you on that one, I feel like I've not seen mine in a while, but not as long as you your.. read moreOh feel with you on that one, I feel like I've not seen mine in a while, but not as long as you your family I know, I have nothing to complain .... :))) that's why I'm your sis, here, so you're never alone love.... :D I'm so happy to see you too!
I would like to make a few suggestions as to the wording. Only minor mistakes, given tense and whatnot.
Sentence 2; 'have' should be 'has' and changed 'erase' to 'erased'. That keeps the tense constant.
Sentence 5; this one is a bit more tricky. I think what you were going for it to say that the hug removes your worries and makes sure they do not bother you. If that is the case, I would alter 'makes', changing it to 'takes' and change 'me' to 'them'.
Sentence 6; I would change 'to' into the word 'the'. Or you could go a different route and put the word 'it' before 'to'.
Aside from those things, which the alterations are merely suggestions based on what I think you were going for, this is great. I enjoyed the romance here, my friend.
-Cara
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
I'm so, so glad you've enjoyed this book my friend, and thankful for your help... this was a quick w.. read moreI'm so, so glad you've enjoyed this book my friend, and thankful for your help... this was a quick write, trying to hold that feelings and write it down fast or it will be forever lost in the distance of my mind and heart... know that i am always grateful to you...
11 Years Ago
I know how that goes. I've "lost" more than a few poems that way. I'm glad I could help.
Dear Visitor
Hello there!
I am Willyam Pax from the Philippines and now residing here in Saudi Arabia for work. I am not a writer but a sensitive aspiring artist who expresses himself into .. more..