gray solace

 

I am not me like what you want me to be

        I am here like you always wanted me to be

How could I ever be me, the me I want to be

 

I’m tired of you, I’m tired of crying in the dark.

pretending at the park - watching people talk with voices that barks

I feared it will spark an awful reaction stark

So I build an ark -

Sailed away into far,

                far - dream land

where prejudice & judgment is not in our hands

but in the all caring higher being.

 

Then again reality is never like that,

So I hide, I stumble, and I fall

     into the gray solace of my patience

The higher being cares, yet you need choices

to stay strong - fight and survived

                        until blessings comes along

                                and heal the dying soulful song.

       

 

Author's Note

a positive poem I guess - i am not sure it's worth posting. Since the month of June, i became sickly... and i have lost my pen of expression and the courage to write a piece. I always lose confidence, lose my self-knowing that i can... lose everything all together to the overly sensitive soul, then fall into darkness, alone - then come back into the gray solace - never wanting to give up what i hope will come true, someday, somewhere in time.

Reviews

[Gypsy Warrior Queen]

I think that until we leave this world true artists and poets feel this way from time to time...it is the process of expelling the negativity here in the time and place. Know that even with the grayness that you feel, you have shared some sunshine in another soul's day. You have given them solace from the darkest hour and brought them to a lighter hue.Thank you so much for sharing your gifts with us!

[Cool Handless Luke]

definitely worth posting pax - it's real and it leave the reader reeling with your spent emotions. only you can capture your feelings so poignantly and purposefully. i sometimes that without the pain and darkness and loneliness i wouldn't have much to write about - lol - but i remind myself that all these things are necessary to truly feel peace and joy and bask in the warmth of a day bathed in the light of hope. like the ending to the count of monte cristo - all we can do is wait and hope.

[gabrielle]

I ponder what life would be if there are no pain, no problems, no sorrows. would it be better if life is without any challenge? Well, i don't know but even in fairy tales, there is always that challenging situation that the protagonist must have to overcome before having a happy ending. in real life, as long as we live we can always hope for that realistically happy ending.

[Shep]

A very good poem, even now where i am in my life story where people judge me for things i have done. Yet even today i have no regeats doing them. But the world does. If i was in the position too still do them i still would. And say the hell with the world judging me. But life is cold and cruel.

[emmajoy]

In spite of the grey shadows in your life and thoughts, I hope you know that your poetry, though very sad, is very beautiful. You express emotions with gargantuan phrases that really explain .. and share, '.. How could I ever be me, the me I want to be .. ' That 'Me' is a human being that feels and identifies with things that seem so out of control and yet - yet you write so clearly, using phrases that the best and most famous couldn't better. Please, please hold on to that.. and feel well as soon as you can. Warm regards.

[poetdoug]

I love your simple but dynamic premise: Hold on "Until blessings come along and heal the dying soulful song." As many years as I have lived, I can vouch that this indeed is the secret of success over one's lifetime. Sometimes, we see the most in the dark of life----- if nothing else we can focus for the bright light at the end of the tunnel. And thankfully, the light is always there. Thanks for reminding us of this while we are in the temporary 'gray solace' of life.

[FelicityAllona]

I am not me like what you want me to be
I am here like you always wanted me to be
How could I ever be me, the me I want to be


these lines are my favorite parts :))
The entire poem is beautiful. :))
I love how you presented it! :))

This is worth reading. :))

I love the ending :))

[Sami Khalil]

"into the gray solace of my patience



The higher being cares, yet you need choices



to stay strong - fight and survived



until blessings comes along"
A great statement of faith and willful choices that we have to make until we reap what we sow in this harsh and arid enviroment sometimes . Look how people survived in deserts for thoushands of years or polar extremes for that show the power of human adaptation but the best thing we can do or conquer is the self which to survive you need strong faith and will too...An awesome write my friend ...:)

[asdarkeyesclose]

'So I hide, I stumble, and I fall
into the gray solace of my patience '


I just loved that last line and the writing had a real presence. I liked the rhyme, the dark/park/ark had an artless quality, nothing too staged and I liked that you just let the poem flow where it wanted to- not as easy to do as you would imagine. as always your sensitivity to life, that awareness of life and its values, its journey and spirituality shine through. i am very sorry you have not been feeling well, hopefully this poem is the start of a full recovery. really great to see you posting again! :)

[Sugar Plum ♥]

I love the deep philosophy in this write. So profound, and so much reflection about life and soul! What we can take in life is like "cleaning" us from inside. Exactly that aspect should make you more flying, than on the ground. Flying is better than illusions in "reality". That why I was attached to the verse :
Sailed away into far,
far - dream land
But then again- you came back with your mind...to something painful. Stay strong is in our hands, the circumstances are not, and fight is obligatory. Even in the "best life', it`s just a reflection, not real happiness. Thank you, dear Pax ,you always make me think! (and loved your rhymes!)

-nour -
July-013

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i think it is worth posting...i do feel it to be a bit forced in spots for the rhyme..i see deep, insightful lines but unfortunately then it veers almost into silliness to cause the rhyme to be there.
i would amost like to see this turned to free verse....but just my thoughts..and others might see it totally differently, and feel that it all works as is.

don't lose your confidence or courage to write...we all go through doldrums...periods of staleness of trapped creativity...but it will find its way out...and strike again...and writing about it is one way--and just ranting as in this piece..is a way to break the dam and let it flow...

many lines so savable here.

hope that helps, Pax.

jacob

[Pax]

I appreciate the feedback mr. Jacob.... and the encouragement... i truly thank you for that :)