Stained

a poem behind the painting

 

 

 

 

I am stained
I am in pain

The look in her eyes
The sound of her voice

The taste of her lips

The scent of her skin
The warmth of her hug

 

Memories

Do not leave me

 

Breathless

Author's Note

painting by me
done in acrylic and pastel in white canvas.

an old poem.

Thanks to Miss. Belle for her awesome suggestion :)

Reviews

[John]

The poem has a formal quality that we attribute to stained glass as it is used in church architecture. Even the way the poem is laid out suggest a figure, cruciform perhaps, that is, stoically, enduring great pain in, presumably, the wake of a relationship. There is a great economy of language and I particularly like the way the word 'breathless' hangs at the end of the poem in ambiguous relationship to the rest of the piece.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

The saga of love. :) nice write.

[gabrielle]

i like the construction of this one, pax. The spaces after each stanza give readers a time to pause and reflect. and the ending word "breathless," i interpreted in different context. Clever.

[Sami Khalil]

Both are breathless the poem and painting...Bravo

[Glen Yumang Manese]

This speaks volume... Pax... I would revise a bit... if I may:

The look in her eyes
The sound of her voice
The taste of her lips
The scent of her skin
The warmth of her hug

or

The look in her eyes
Sound of her voice
The taste of her lips
Scent of her skin
The warmth of her hug

or

Look in her eyes
Sound of her voice
Taste of her lips
Scent of her skin
Warmth of her hug

either way a minor rendition... flow of the words are not restricted... and less is better for this verse... IMPO... of course... good day...

[Glen Yumang Manese]

Belle - "The" takes away from the rest of the work... In this piece, less is more... As a reader the distraction is focused more on "The" than the entire read... This is a poem... which captures depth without the need of "The"... Alternatively, you can use "The" interchangeably to still add volume... but not needed...

[Glen Yumang Manese]

I would agree with you... but I do not feel this verse goes under anaphora:

The look in her eyes
The sound of her voice
The taste of her lips
The scent of her skin
The warmth of her hug

anaphora ---

The look in her eyes
The look in her face
The look in her smile
The look in her heart
The look in her soul

I'm not going to etc... etc... with this... Pax... may do what he wants with his verse... these are his words... Constructive criticism is by no means to be taken as a negative... This helps to brighten the horizon as writers... again in my personal opinion... I stand my ground and put this matter to rest... Good day! Bella...

[Belle]

Well then, thank you very much sir for your suggestions, Pax and I talked about it and I am sorry to say that we cannot take the suggested changes. You may also notice, I have deleted my previous texts for you above, that is for the purpose of not exposing the soul of this poem. We would like to leave this piece open for any interpretation. Thank you and have a nice day!

[Belle]

The pleasure was mine, Pax.
The last time we worked together was your tribute for our Anthology for A Cause. :)

Now, I think no need for me to give my review. You know very well my thought about this piece.

[Rita L. Sev]

Perfectly stated in its simplicity, and your art is beautiful!

[Shep]

Loved looking at your art. Lots of emotions in your words.

[FJ Davis]

I enjoyed both painting and poem, Pax.
Impressive work!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this kind of pain never completely leaves...there is always a stain, always a reminder.

beautifully written, my friend.

[Sugar Plum ♥]

very beautiful, strong feeling inside...as always you capture the moment, no matter old or new poem, time is so uncountable" and untouchable. wonderfully sound, so soft, romantic, painful as classical poem. Love it...Memories can`t leave u, just u can leave them. :)

-nour-
09.06.013