down on my feet

a journal....a bits of pieces.... a soul layed very much tired...

Dear Reader,

Guessing I being lazy doing practical things. It’s hard when practical people didn’t understand me. Thinking I’m indulging too much of my needs rather than practicality. I’m tired of people telling me this and that, you should do this and that, and I felt like I’m the dullest person here in Saudi. All my life I’ve followed my parents rules, sometimes I think all the rules I created doesn’t mean a thing. I’m tired of following my heart at times for they don’t actually speaks its mind-set. Meaning his always careful what to say to this people. Careful of the things hurtful to everyone, but what can I do, it’s part of my nature. I’m always careful not to hurt everyone around me, think with my heart or rather my heart and mind is in tune when I speak up on something. I’ve done it before speaking on impulses and it came out very bad, ending up hurting each other’s feelings.

Inferiority is really my enemy, he always keeps me down, down on my feet. I’m not humble, I’m just too harsh with myself. I guess they’re right after all I interpret thing too negatively for my own good. Practicality, it seems to be a part of my roots. It can never be cut nor burn down or else I’ll suffer the major consequences life can offer.

Your friendly neighbor,

W.Pax

Author's Note

You know After writing this, i felt much better... guess writing it down makes you feel feel much much better that you let it stayed in your mind as darkness will eat it up and in time it will explode and you end up hurting everyone and specially yourself...

if you've read this..feel free to give me your advice for I'm too exhausted to think for now...like the one i wrote in my blog...

thank you for reading...

Reviews

[Sugar Plum ♥]

even after long time, when u published that personal thoughts, i wanted to say, you never can please everyone for sure...i also don`t like to hurt people, but even with great effords that happened, we are just very different individuals..I understand u perfectly about interference! I feel the same, we all have our private space and soul, and way of life and differences, which should be respected! no one has the right to judge another, if only he is asked, he could give his advice in respectful way! thats what i think and tollerance is very impoartnt! no child belong to u, they are another human beings, and we just can be their friends and protectors..others is too hard to bear, like hanging on ur neck...U feel so, because u like freedom..and artists usually do!
nour~

[Pax]

my friend... i want to tell you how much I am speechless with your words...
thank you!

[Rhianne Ney]

I agree... sometimes we cannot change something that we are used to no matter how much we struggle we still find ourselves doing the same thing no matter how much we try to avoid it ^-^
~Writing makes emotions flow freely

[Pax]

Maraming salamat kabayan, a journal really helps a lot...it's like a self healing for me just the way the poem does....

[Rhianne Ney]

We've a daily journal here and it's fun to write down feelings that is too unsurmountable by words

[Aya]

I totaly loved this because the spirit and heart of a writer shows at its best when writing about his life and issues. writing comes perfect when the writer is in a imotional state and expressing. Its in simple words yet great meanings good work

[Pax]

Thank you so much aya...your words means so much....

[Pax]

To write releases. You did well, out of all what bothers... it's a beautiful letter out of your core, to those who need to read it.
One advice from me, is to be always yourself. In good or bad... true friends love you that way, like I do. And they can handle all from eachother, and are no run-a-way-ers. To face it is grace it. Thank you dear one!

E.L.

[Pax]

*hugs*...thank you..I feel blessed with your friendship....for sometimes I don't believed in myself that you and everyone else believed that I can...
that for me is enough support....

I always believe in you, and all my friends, there is always a place for everyone in my heart, esp. for those who fight like you. *hugsss*

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

One of the things I really appreciate about your writing is that you are vulnerable and expose the inner battles that you have. In doing that, you find that we readers can relate and in turn we all feel less alone.
This problem of trying so hard to say things in a way that doesn't hurt another's feelings is one I understand. It took me a long time to learn...no, it IS taking me a long time to learn...that if you want to be true to yourself, you will always find someone who disagrees - often vehemently. Sometimes people do not want their own beliefs, or thoughts challenged...sometimes, they are just having a bad day and anything you say will not be well received. Sometimes, even "good morning" can be misconstrued! :/ Your writing shows that you are a sensitive person...perhaps, most of us here are. When you are a sensitive soul - and I don't mean weak, I just mean you FEEL things deeply, and are aware of subtle things that many personalities don't notice, or care to notice. It takes all kinds of people in this world to make it function...there is a place for all. If a relationship matters, it is worth communicating and getting to know the other person. When we know someone well we are not as likely to take what they say in the wrong way...if we do, then we can feel comfortable saying, "How do you mean that?" I am going on and on, so you can see that you really hit a nerve with your journal entry...that is great. To sum it up, I try to remind myself of something I heard once that really stuck with me...."You can't say the wrong thing to the right person, and you can't say the right thing to the wrong person." That saying has helped me ease up a bit on myself. If my heart and motives are true, then even if I say something not well thought out it's okay...we are all human. Thanks for this Willyam.

[Pax]

:):):)
~ reading this makes me feel that I'm not alone... I also felt blessed with your wisdom my friend Clair... thanks you so much...

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

I enjoyed reading it, and as you can see it really had meaning for me! :)

[.quan.011.]

Wow, that's a'll I can say about the is journal.

[Pax]

thank you quan...i appreciate your response...thanks for reading bits of me...

[Rain]

I like humbleness. Oddly enough I've always found myself drawn to people with slightly low self-esteem. They seem to be more in tune with life's rhythm..and always question their philosophical stand on issues. Anyone who knows three languages has my respect and admiration. I posted here years ago..won all the little badges and awards. I left when I saw it turn into a love/popularity contest. I understand your conflict. I was also Top Reviewer, and I hated it. You want to be honest..without being rude. Plus..like you..I'm not a professional critic and felt uncomfortable critiquing an other Writer's work. I think you did a good job of explaining your feelings.

[Pax]

mr. Rain...I'm touch with your review...yes, my self-esteem are very low and most specially self confidence....like what you've read on the fuggy fate.. that sometimes i don't believed in myself...but with the encouragement of everyone around me here in wc and with yours too..by just reading my words... makes me strive harder and shove aside the negative judgement of my head... I felt blessed with your wisdom...you share with me...thank you...

[Corset]

oh, well there is something to be admired about practicality, but like your last poem everything in excess is poisonous right, wouldn't that apply also to be over practical? You are only young once, and only live once, responsibility is admirable but so is a light heart, you'll find your balance :)

[Pax]

I guess people just don't understand... that i let them see what i want them to see... am i selfish... or just being protective about myself... guessing no one will ever know... that i think the problem is just me... thank you my friend by just being here and reading this...listening... its worth everything...thank u again...

[Corset]

I think we all do that, tend to only show people what they want to see for fear they will not like us for who we really think we are, it's when we go our own way and believe that as long as WE know who we are it's really all that matters is when we really start to show who we are. does that make sense? you are amazing ...and very human in the best way, you write your heart, whether it's good bad confused angry and that's why we come.

[Pax]

*teary eye* thank you my dear friend... you being here and the support is more than enough for my heart to carry on... *hugs*