Pain

Everytime I hear a certain song, it will break me down in tears. No one will know why. Some times I just have to be alone and repeat the song over and over again. Each song has a different meaning to me. But all of them link to people I know. My memory is mostly empty and there are a lot of gaps. When something goes wrong or when something is too painful, my mind shuts down and I lose the whole memory of what happens. Every few years I will get an unfamiliar flashback that seem like it hasn't happened but yet it was only forgotten; and then I have to remind myself that those memories are true and shouldn't have ever been forgotten and sometimes it's so hard to familiarize my past with my memory. I have too many sad memories. Too many times I have been heart-broken. My heart has been scarred so many time that I can't even remember the first time I was hurt.

I feel like I am stuck in a rain storm. So much fog I can barely see. The rain hits my face like a million needles. When the thunder strikes the ground it feels like someone has stabbed me in the back with a sword. Someone in which I thought was there for me. Everyone tells me lies. Every raindrop that hits me in this rainstorm represents a lie that someone has told me, or a trick they have layed upon me.