Fiction Writing Style Test - Very Fast Read (only 348 words) - Please comment

A sample of my writing style. Very short for easy reviewing. Need to know what people think about the style to continue or change it. (only 348 words)

John Grennings was leaving for work when his wife reminded him that Henry’s birthday was the next day. Mary was excited to celebrate her child’s first birthday and wanted everything to be perfect. Early experiences, such as these, were very important for a child’s development, she had read once in a book.

“Remember to bring the cake. I’ll keep busy decorating the house for Henry’s party.” Mary told John. She grabbed a small brown pouch, filled it with golden wrapped chocolate coins and put it next to the other pouches and small treasure chests in the table filled with party favors. She then went upstairs to check on his baby boy and found him wide awake. He was poking his stuffed raccoon in the head with his tiny index finger. Anybody would have guessed Mary was his mother. They both had the same blond hair and bright green eyes, although his nose seemed to look a bit more like his father’s. At least that’s what John’s mother had said. She had also said he had his father’s restlessness one day when little Henry managed to grab a pair of sunglasses and started banging on his father’s head with them.

Leaving the house proved to be quite difficult for John since he was carrying his briefcase in one hand, he had a couple of blueprints in the other, the hallway was full with balloons and the front door was covered with a big treasure map that didn’t allow the doorknob to be seen. Somehow, he managed to leave without stepping on a single balloon.

On his way to work, John turned on the radio in his car but only got static noise even though he tried several stations. He thought the receiver might have been damaged during the storm from the night before, although he did not remember at that moment that the car had been safely parked inside the garage. He was about to turn the radio off when a sharp noise started emitting from the speakers. The noise got louder and suddenly stopped after a few seconds.

Author's Note

I 've been told its interesting, although I don't know if my reviewers are only being nice. I am aiming to write a fiction book for young adults and want it to be an easy read, although I don't want it simple. I am planning on doing a lot of world building but am not sure how much detail to write.

Basically its only an example of my writing style to see if I should continue with it or try changing it.

Please let me know if you enjoy it. If the pace is fine or if it changes abruptly. Do I have too many details? Or are they missing? Did you understand everything fine? Is there anything specific that could be written better?

Do you care for the characters yet? Do you like them or dislike them? Or is much more detail and desription required to achieve this?

THANK YOU for your comments!

Reviews

[bryan oboczky]

i thought it moved to fast, but u got me wanting to know whats up with dudes radio- - - whats up with dudes radio? do u know?.. i dont know?... dude do u know whats up with dudes radio dude?!... I NEED TO KNOW MAN!!.... sorry.

[roarke]

Good set up for your story, introducing the characters is a good start. When you finish writing a section of your story, let it set a while, then read it aloud to see if it flows. Can you make the same description with less words? Does the narration make sense? You mention you are writing a book, it's good to have an outline or chapter sketches before going into detail. That way the plot and direction of the story will develop and the reader will be interested in turning the pages. Good start.

[Laura Almeida]

Look this is a very small sample of your work but. Your writting so far is simple, easy to read and to build the scene in our (the readers ) head. Wich I really appreciate.. sometimes too many big words with too long sentences get us lost.. And some times for me makes me lose my interest.
Your style of writting for me is aproved I just want to see something happen, because in this nothing happen.

Kind Regards

[Archos]

The writing style is pretty good, it's very readable. But the story as a whole doesn't really say much (which is okay, I guess, since it's just a test).

[lovebuzz9]

It's fine actually. Pace is alright, so is the content and things connect well. More details may or may not be necessary. Better to leave them out than include them in a bad way.