No sight

Short story. I was just cheated on and this is the result of it.

Tall, blonde, hazel eyes that pierced through whatever of a man I thought I was.  Her wit is unmatched; her talent would best the cleverest of men.  At the end of her victory a battle cry of a single giggle with rose colored cheeks to melt whatever pride is not sapped from my ever so fragile bones.  If I close my eyes I see something, a reminiscent fraction of what I wish.  What I saw is a steep cliff, rocks racing toward the bottom without fear.  What I first thought was a rocky end to the rocks journey now looked as if it was a soft bed made of the finest Egyptian cotton.  Instead I turn; I turn to see a table with a thick white cloth resting on soft white sand.  

The dark was strong and ever growing.  The rest of the world was defeated, except the candle aflame.  In forever battle with its enemy the darkness.  Hiding behind the furious battle of fire and night are those hazel eyes.  The dark is too strong, but I can feel the gaze.  Her hazel eyes grip what beats behind my chest tighter with every beat.  My chest is weak for her eyes to pierce like sharp arrow shot a lonely egg.  This doesn’t make me a man, it contorts my mind into my fifth grade self that stares at a girl like a man seeing fresh water after years in the heat of the desert.  I knew I had a romantic side, encaged by my ever so reckless and over confident exterior.  An exterior I believed I was born to wear as armor.  Armor from those piercing eyes that ripped out all my weakness and insecurity I called my inner self.  Those eyes thought of my armor as comical, along with the laughter grew my lust for the freedom those eyes gave me.  The sound of the ocean roared, wind strong enough force me to stumble.  I deny the reality when I realized I feel the sound surrounding me.  I couldn’t see, but I could hear ever so lightly “stay”.  My reply should have been a simple three words forced from my lungs and out of my mouth.  Words for the life of me and every moment this grass filled, fruitful, ever shining, disaster struck, beauty of an earth gave my wicked soul.  Clearly Father Time has no pity for the weak.  “Anything for you” as my eyes was ripped open by the stomach rush that shattered my concentration. 

 I couldn’t turn my head any longer.  I knew again I wouldn’t see, but then… I felt.  I finally felt, the hazel eyes were watching me.  Then I hit the soft Egyptian cotton bed waiting me all this time.  I didn’t see, but I felt.  My eyes truly now opened, waking with those hazel eyes upon me.  In that soft bed, in the place I call home.  Now I see, see the sight behind those hazel eyes.  I rather just feel, all the same I am caressed by the blanket of her warm.  My armor has fallen a way.  I never needed to see, just feel how much I was given by those hazel eyes.

Author's Note

Please correct any errors and tips as well as criticism are more than welcome. I was hoping in general on if anyone enjoys it and if anyone can see the tone I am attempting to sway back and forth as the story moves on. Thanks for the read and please honest opinions are great!

Reviews

[Kelsey Schadt]

I can definitely sense the torn emotions of the speaker. The back and forth tone of admiration and tension is apparent through your word choice. I know this is a minor suggestion, but using paragraphs would improve readability. I love the imagery you include in this piece, but I would suggest working on the verbage. You rely heavily on "to be" verbs, and I think more precise, vivid verbs could take this piece of writing to the next level! Excellent concept!

[Frederick Titus]

Thank you so much to the excellent review. I appreciate you understand what I am attempting to present in the piece! Thank you as well for your honest opinion and I couldn't agree more by the way.

[Kelsey Schadt]

You are welcome! When you have a chance, please return the favor!

[emliberation]

I love the imagery! You can feel the emotion you put into this piece with every sentence. Thanks for sharing!

[Bec]

I liked it, short but sweet. can feel your pain when reading it.

[Not here]

i liked it. ive been cheated on before and i can tell what emotions are coursing through you. thanks for joining my group btw :) glad to have a great writer like you

[Frederick Titus]

Hahaha your welcome seems like a good group of writers, glad to be apart of it!