Mademoiselle Fantaisie

A beautiful maiden in a far off land falls in love with a mysterious stranger. Will she ever receive his love and affection?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mademoiselle Fantaisie

By: Aeco

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

            Once in a kingdom there was a fair maiden called, Mademoiselle Fantaisie. She was beautiful, very wealthy, and polite, although naïve. She had many beautiful dresses, expensive jewelry, and servants, to assist her in her everyday affairs. She was very happy.

One day, she encountered a very handsome stranger at a ball. He wore sophisticated attire: a top hat, a red kerchief, a dark silk cape, and a pitch-black tuxedo. Immediately, the young maiden fell deeply in love. The man was named Reficulmai, and he was from a land far, far away. When he beheld her, he gasped in astonishment, and told her that in all the lands he had traveled, he had never met a woman as fancy as she. Mademoiselle Fantaisie took much flattery from these words, especially hearing it from the one she fell in love with. He then clicked his tongue in disappointment, “However, if only you wore more extravagant clothes like the women of my country. Then you would be the fanciest lady.” He spread out his hands and sighed, “Oh well, I guess you will suffice.”

          Hearing this, Mademoiselle Fantaisie asked, “Tell me, Reficulmai, what do the women in your country wear?” He replied, “Why, only the most extravagant clothes and jewelry that have diamonds, emeralds, and rubies, tailored into them. Of course, I don’t mind you as you are now. After all you still are a bit fancy.” When she went home, she told her personal tailor to spare no expense and to create the clothes and jewelry as Reficulmai described.

            The next day, she invited Reficulmai to her home. When he arrived, she greeted him in her beautiful, new dress, exactly as Reficulmai has described. He gasps, and cries, “Why, how fancy you are! You wear the clothes of the women of my country. Surely, I can say you are the fanciest woman I have ever met!” Mademoiselle Fantaisie was delighted by these words. But, Reficulmai narrowed his eyes, “Yes, yes, your clothes are indeed as fancy as the ones of the women of my country, yet you still lack something. What a shame.”

            Mademoiselle Fantaisie’s eyes widen. She asked, “Tell me what it is that I lack?” Reficulmai replied, “Why, absolutely nothing, you’re perfect the way you are. However, there is a teensy little thing that you still lack. But it is frivolous; you are fine being as fancy as you are now.” Mademoiselle Fantaisie implored, “Tell me please what it is! I beg of you!” Reficulmai smiled and responded, “Why I am so glad that you take me opinion into such consideration! You are indeed fancy and generous too!” He then said, “Alas, you are a bit too dark skinned compared to people of my country, I believe you go out too much. Also, it is quite a shame but you emit a somewhat unpleasant odor from your body since you eat a bit too much. In my country, the women are satisfied with a few sprigs of spinach and a glass of water per day. They also emit a pleasant aroma of roses, wherever they go.”

            Mademoiselle Fantaisie responded, “Then I shall do the same!” From that moment on, she completely shut herself off from all outside contact. She drew all her curtains, and never left her house. She also began to only eat a few sprigs of spinach and drink a glass of water per day. She also began to constantly wear expensive rose perfume. Her servants begged her to eat a bit more; however, she stubbornly refused. After three months, Reficulmai came over to visit. The servants, angered by Reficulmai for causing the deterioration of their mistress, scorned him vehemently.

            Reficulmai went to Mademoiselle Fantaisie who was still secluded in her dark room. Reficulmai saw the Mademoiselle Fantaisie and gave her a soft kiss. He told her, “How fancy you are, Mademoiselle Fantaisie, words cannot describe your immaculate beauty.” He then knelt to Mademoiselle Fantaisie, and presented her with an obsidian ring that had a large ruby stone, “Will you marry me, Mademoiselle Fantaisie?”

            With great joy she flung her arms around Reficulmai, and said, “Yes, yes, of course!” Reficulmai smiled, and whispered, “Now, can I ask you one more tiny, little request.” She replied, “Yes, anything, anything you ask!” He said, “If you are indeed to be the fanciest ever, you cannot be surrounded by such dirty people.” Confused she asked, “What do you mean?” He replied, “Your servants. Rid your household of them.” Mademoiselle Fantaisie hesitated for a bit, but finally replied, “Yes, I shall do so immediately.” Reficulmai gave a cold smile, “Excellent.”

            The very next day, Mademoiselle Fantaisie dismissed all her servants, and forced them to all leave, despite their protests. Finally, she was to be married to man that she loved. After a few weeks, the day of her wedding has finally come. She dressed, in the dress that she bought for Reficulmai, and went down to her banquet chamber, where the ceremony was to be held. The chamber was empty, except for Reficulmai and a large draped object, and Fantaisie asked, “Where is the priest?”

            Reficulmai responded, “Worry not, in my country; the groom is the one that performs the ceremony.” Mademoiselle Fantaisie weakly smiled and responded, “I see, then let us proceed.” Reficulmai stood Fantaisie in front of the draped object and said, “Stay here my love, it is beginning.” Fantaisie complied. Reficulmai dramatically removed the drape, to reveal a large mirror. Then for the first time since she met him, she saw herself. Her once fine, silky, hair was a tangled and matted mess, her once shiny and pure eyes were bloodshot and dull, her once fine and voluptuous figure was withered and pale. She looked like a ghoul in her exorbitant dress. Mademoiselle Fantaisie’s eyes widened aghast, and Reficulmai wrapped his cold arms around her neck. He purred, “Look at you, my dear, you’re beauty to behold, how pale, how thin you are.” Mademoiselle Fantaisie gave a slight smile of relief, when suddenly her eyes widened in terror. Behold the sight that Madam Fantaisie saw in the mirror, instead of her once elegant and handsome lover, was now a black, red-eyed creature. Reficulmai tightened his grip on the terrified Madam, and hissed, “How elegant you are all by yourself instead of being surrounded by disgusting servants. You are indeed the fanciest woman I have ever seen.” The demon licked his lips, “You are so fancy… Thank you FOR THE FOOD!!!”

…

“Hahahaha… Heeheehee… Oh my darling you gave me quite the surprise earlier. You shouldn’t shock me so. It gets me very angry. If you wanted to eat you could have just asked. You know I’d be more than happy to oblige”

The Madam couldn’t help but smile at the sound of shaking chains reminiscent of bridal melody. Eyes like that of a cornered rat, Reficulmai avert his eyes from her piercing gaze, “Y-yes darling…I’m very sorry…I won’t do that again.”

Cheerily while unlocking the door she says, “Good. Oh dear me, now there are so many things that need to be done! You just stay here and relax husband.”

Reficulmai anticipating what is next to come begins to instinctively back up into the corner, “Uh huh. Y-you have fun them.”

The Madam playfully flops onto to his lap and runs her sandpaper-like tongue against his cheek. With little effort she forces her husband to stare into the terrible black orbs called eyes which shone with a new kind light, “I’ll be back. I love you. Now let’s stay together. Forever.”

The End

Author's Note

Was it too short?

Reviews

[Bear]

Critique: (she was to be married to man that) to a man - noun phrase "man" is missing a determiner before it.
When you change from one persons dialog to another person you should start a new paragraph. Also your start is fairy tailish and predictable, consider taking the word Once out so it reads " In a kingdom there was" or "In the kingdom of" but if you wanted it to be a fairy tail then disregard what I said :~) It seems a twist on the emperors new clothes fairy tail. I have a suggestion for you, have someone read this out loud to you so you can hear it or if you don't have anyone use a text to speech program. This will let you hear the words and the punctuation as written. I give it five out of five Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!

[The Iron Horseman]

I think you were probably going for a dark fairy tale effect here, but I am sorry, my friend, I am afraid it doe not really work. I think the big mistake is making his name Reficulmai - as soon as I read it I realized that it was simply 'I am Lucifer' backwards and from there on you know exactly where it is going. Also your closing paragraph is confusing, it needs clarifying. In addition you switch verb tense several times, sometimes in mid-sentence. This could be made to work but you need to give it a pretty extensive overhaul.
And no, it is not too short; in its present form it is too long.