Sorrow

A fantasy of a little angst

 

A glorious melody

Born from the sweet and sorrowful sound

Of humanity

 

The horrible symphony

Melancholic beats abound

Burning through horrid ground

Of ancient ruins

Beautiful and dead

 

Pulsing through time

Burning across the ages

This seething snake

Sings to me and me alone

 

Crawling through rotting valleys

Roiling over crumbling hills

Tonight it falls at my door

Author's Note

Please be harsh

Reviews

[Blackbirdsong]

What if I have no reason to be harsh? I love how you've used words to convey sound and cause various sounds through your writing. This technique really adds to the message you're conveying and makes it fairly jump off from the page. You use rhyming craftily and with a masterful hand. I like this...sorry I couldn't be harsh on this one. :)

[Dani California]

I see no reason to be harsh... this is marvelous.

Dark... though started out joyful... like a new birth,
innocent and pure.. hopeful. Then over the years seems to grow in despair
and the cold realities of life... bringing home its negative effects.

Very well done! :)

[Emily Elizabeth]

One of the best poems on angst I've read. However the beat was a bit off in the last two lines of the third stanza, otherwise this is a bold, powerful and yet lonely and angst-ridden piece. i really liked this, the flow was amazing, particularly in the second stanza. This is really poignant and powerful, and describes deep-rooted angst perfectly in all its horror.

The horrible symphony
Melancholic beats abound
Burning through horrid ground
Of ancient ruins
Beautiful and dead

This stanza sent shivers down my spine, it was a brilliant stanza, but I think you might want to change the 'horrid' part, because it sounds a bit too much like the 'horrible' you've already used.

[DarkAngelWriter]

This one? Well, it's not really my style, but I'm pretty low right now so that might be why. This review isn't gonna be constructive, I know, but I'm sorry.

My favorite part:
"The horrible symphony
Melancholic beats abound"

[Kostas M.]

That's really nice, man. I like those tough words you used. I also liked the pictures of the snake, and the end is really something. it gives this feeling, like..... BOOM. "It's your turn".
:)
You 're good.
But maybe sorrow ain't such a glorious sumphony. Eh?
:-)

[Brenda Sue]

Wonderfully written. Great job.

[Kara Emily Krantz]

i was going to say - do i HAVE to be?? lol

"A glorious melody
Born from the sweet and sorrowful sound
Of humanity"

that was my favorite part, so i guess the worst criticism I can give this is that it hit it's high peak (for me) right away.

and the ending is really great, though. it's so sudden - you end it so haltingly, which appears to be the same way the narrator's life is going to end...

well done! :)

hi. i'm kara