all i want is you to be with me

driving in your car,
all i see is you,
all I know is you've
broken my heart in two,
you say i'm too young,
your dream girl ain't me,
oh Johnny,
why can't you see?

i'm falling under your spell,
no one else can tell,
it's ripping me apart,
'cause i know you'll break my heart.

why do i love you so?
why can't i let you go?
JCG, all i want is you to be with me. (X2)

Author's Note

Wrote this as a song, but I feel it could be better. Constructive criticism is welcome.

Reviews

[caesarkreshen]

Constructively, I would say this is neither good nor bad. It's kind of like a pop song.

My advice, in general, would be to try to grasp ahold of your thought process.

Instead of saying driving in your car, all I see is you, try to put down your exact thoughts, as jumbled as they may be... imagine the car and what you experienced. Imagine him, what color is his hair? Does he have any misplaced freckles? You see what I mean? Maybe not.

havefun.

[Audrey]

Thanks for the input! I'll keep that in mind!