Letter (2)

Freiburg-im-Breisgau 

 20-01-2016 

  Dear mother, Now that I think about it, I haven't written to you in over a year. I'm sorry about that, I've been, well, busy. Lots of things happened since then. For starters, I moved cities. This town has everything I ever loved; or almost at least. It's one of those mid-centuries towns that somehow managed to survive the years and the wars with all its beauty and might conserved as if no human has ever done harm to it, but I'll tell you all about Freiburg an other time, I have more important thoughts to share with you. Remember the last time I wrote to you, I told you about an awesome man whom I was afraid to lose ? Well, he ended up being not-that-awesome after all. Once the drunkenness was over, my eyes opened to the truth; he was a creep, and obsessed, ill man. I thank the Heavens that I woke up in time. Only God knows what could've happened if it had been too late when I realized what was going on. And I've been alone ever since. You always told me "vaut mieux être seule que mal accompagnée", and now I'm trying to live by that motto. I also made it to university. But I'm not so happy about that. I'm stuck in a domain that I don't particularly like, while hopelessly chasing a dream that might never come to life. I am so exhausted, mother. Exhaustion and emptiness are the only feelings that I experienced over the past year. I try to be grateful and make the best out of the things that I obtain, but my mind seems to just not function that way. I need you now more than ever, mommy dearest. I have made a prison for myself and i can't break through anymore. I am in a city where nothing and no one is familiar. I have no friends and I can't find pleasure in anything anymore. I am stuck in a stress that I can't handle and that's not even worth the effort because I am unable to see myself exercising i this field until the day I cease to breathe. The only thing keeping me going now, is the though that, somewhere, you're hearing my calls. But deep down I know, the only truth is the echo of my screaming voice inside my head. Dear mother, my demons are getting stronger by the day, and with every sunrise I notice that the strength in my arms is fading away. The day where I won't be able to fight anymore is getting closer and closer. And that scares the hope out of me. 

  I hope you're well rested, healthy and happy. Keep an eye on me, would you ?

Longingly yours. 

W.

Reviews

[Mélania Woolf]

Earlier to-day, I was sitting and I suddenly remembered you sent a read-request. I am so happy I came looking for this. Nevertheless, confused about how I should feel after reading it... I've actually never been away, alone for such a long time, but your words reach to me and affect me so badly.
I've always known You as a strong and determined person. Keep on doing what you believe in, fighting whatever comes in your way. It's okay to have a moment of letting go, a little fall, a pause, but just remember what you are there for, who you are there for.
Hugs.
-Mélèk