Seasons

She stood there, in the middle of the veranda, as the cold rain drops caressed her thin shivering hands. She stood there in her pajamas, bare foot at 2 am. If someone saw her they would think she has gone mad, but she didn't care for the world. She loves winter, and she just can't help it. The cold rain gluing her hair to her face makes her feel alive. She thought to herself that the freezing cold is painful, yet it was safe. She was in shelter from the prejudiced looks, since no one was outside. Whenever it rains, she likes to think that the sky cries for her, cries with her. At times she feels refreshed, the rebirth of earth around her brings her back to life slowly. Her favorite time of the year is April, it reminds her of Lillies and Carnations and brings back familiar smells and nostalgic feelings. The sun feels amazing when in spring, it tickles her face and neck. But before she knows it, the sun becomes irritating, heat makes her very sluggish. Her only shelter is the sea, she has adored swimming since childhood. She would stand in the water and caress its surface with her naked hands, it feels good when it slips through her slim fingers. And then she dives. As her slender, pale figure slips into the water and goes in the depths, she loves to open her eyes and look at the sun rays as they break through the waves. The thought of how beautiful this scene is makes her wish she was a fish, then she wouldn't have to go up to the surface to gasp for air and she'd always be happy. But even on the ground, she still can feel happy, it's in the late summer nights where she likes to stand in the veranda near the Jasmine tree. She'd look up to the sky and gaze at Orion and Canis Majoris, she'd think how much does she love the stars and space, as the unctuous smell of Jasmine tickles her nose. She would take deep breaths, fill her lungs with the smell of life. She would feel that she's infinite in that moment and wish that the summer nights she loves so much never end. But, sadly, they do end, and the Jasmine flowers die. She becomes grumpy and sad, her hair falls and she gets thinner. However, she still enjoys the sweaters, the fluffy socks, hot chocolate and the crunchy leaves on the ground, on which she purpousely steps, and chuckles like a little child. She also thinks that autumn is the season for sad books. Autumn is the season for reading and for tears. The different seasons affect her mood, but she, surely, enjoys them all, because each season shares her sadness and thoughts, and shares with her a bit of beauty, a bit of hope, but more importantly, a bit of life.

Reviews

[J. K. Beach]

Wiif (I can't even begin to pronounce your name, which is sad since I took German in high school and college)--

You have a wonderful knack for describing the visual images in your story... some writers never master this. Your writing flows and is really quite beautiful!

You might want to look at your pronouns, though. They don't always seem to be as clear as your detailed descriptions and you have a lot of them, i.e., "She'd look up to the sky and gaze at Orion and Canis Majoris, she'd think how much does she love the stars and space, as the unctuous smell of Jasmine tickles her nose."

You might try simplifying a bit while keeping an eye on tense. I'm notating the edits as [possibly add] and (maybe remove): "[She would] (She'd) look up to the sky and gaze at Orion and Canis Majoris [and] (she'd) think how much (does) she love[d] the stars and space, as the unctuous smell of Jasmine [tickled] (tickles) her nose."

You might even want to move the last clause to the beginning like: "As the unctuous smell of Jasmine [tickled] her nose,[She would] look up to the sky and gaze at Orion and Canis Majoris [and] think how much she love[d] the stars and space." This might make the ending a little stronger, not sure. Try it out.

Lastly, you might even begin with an actual name (anything to fit your mood and setting) to make her seem more tangible... and to simplify the subsequent pronouns. I'm not an English teacher as some of the writers are here at the WC--but your imagery flows too beautifully for the language no to follow.

I just picked out one example; you will have to ferret out any others, if, in fact, there are any ;)

Please don't think I'm just being mean, that is far from my intention! You write beautifully, but all of us here need editors. It's hard to see everything, especially in the beginning when we are so close to our work.

Welcome to the WC and I hope you find it great fun.

Best,

JKB

[Wiif]

Hey, don't worry about the name, I'm not German I just live in Germany because I study there, it is read as Wif ( Wi like oui and f, so ouif, kind of ), thank you so much for this review, I am aware of the many mistakes I make, English is my third language and I master it as spoken, I've been writing in English for about 2 years ( which is nothing compared to French and Arabic ) I'll try to fix it as much as I can.
Again I thank you for your review, and please continue helping me :)

[J. K. Beach]

Well, I'm even more impressed!

It's hard enough to write clearly in ones native language, let alone a second one. That this is your third language, makes me very envious indeed.

If you don't mind, I will help you with what small transgressions I see. Like I said, I love the way you say things and I would like to make sure they are understood clearly. I'm far from perfect myself, but I will try.

Take care...

[J. K. Beach]

Do you know my friend MellAnic?

[Wiif]

It would be my pleasure !
And yes I do know her, in real life, we both had music classes together :)

[J. K. Beach]

That' the second case of "it's a small world" I've had today... weird.

[Wiif]

I actually joined WC thanks to her, and yeah, the world is sometimes so small that there's no escape from our past and present.

[Brandon]

Wow! This is really detailed and interesting. You definitely have a way with words. You paint a picture that I can see in my head as I read. Great job. :)

[Tree]

Evocative, and beautiful. I liked the way you used the seasons to help define your character, and it made her interesting and even made this reader, empathetic. I was thinking how over the years the changing seasons pushes us into these deep places inside of ourselves, like, when we were children or a time when something sad or amazing happened to us, and the seasons forces us to remember them ––– even reliving them; playing them out.

A moving read.

[Wiif]

Thank you, I'm glad you liked it :)