Cast of Characters:
Percy - older brother, high-school age
Megan - sister, about two years younger than Percy
Jackson - Megan's boyfriend, Percy's age
Cassidy - Percy's girlfriend, same age
Setting:
Living room scene. Faded couch is slightly off center, slanted towards stage front. Small rug and coffee table are in front of it, and across from the couch is an old, worn-out armchair. Front dor is behind couch a bit, angled.
[Scene opens with Megan and Jackson sitting on the couch comfortably, with Megan reading a book out loud.]
Megan: This book is boring. [sighs and tosses book (any classic) off to the side, then nudges Jackson with her foot.] What do you think?
Jackson: [mumbles incoherently and shrugs shoulders]
Megan: [moves her foot again] Jackson? [Jackson doesn't respond; he has a spaced-out expression and is focusing on nothing in particular.] Hey, Jackson! [Megan sits up and places her mouth next to Jackson's ear.] JACKSON!
Jackson: [jumps at the sound] CHRIST! (Or some other loud exclamation.)
Megan: [laughs briefly] Sorry, Jackson. You were spacing off though...
Jackson: [runs hands over temples then stands and begins to pace in a small circle before turning to face Megan.] I have something I need to talk to you about.
Megan: Like what?
Jackson: [looks really uncomfortable] About... well, about...
Megan: About? You can tell me anything, you know that.
Jackson:[resumes pacing in fast circles, then pauses and looks like he's going to bolt, but instead sits down and begins talking really quickly, slurring some of his words together in his haste.] Well, see, Iloveyou and you're awesome and cool and beautiful and everything but I think it's more like a best friend than lovelove because I can't hide who I am now so Megan I've got to tell you thatI'mgay. [raises hands and rubs them together.]
Megan: You're... gay?[voice holds no emotion; face blank, voice flat. Megan doesn't move.]
Jackson: Yeah. I'm so sorry, Megan!
[PERCY enters and walks to armchair, sitting comfortably before eyeing Jackson. Megan is still looking emotionless, and Jackson is staring at her with a slightly pained, nervous, and concerned expression.]
Percy: Jackson, did I just hear you say you were gay?
Jackson: [looks toward Percy with a slightly helpless expression (face first, eyes flick over after his body is turned)] Yeah, I did, and I told Megan, and now she's like this!
Percy: [clicks tongue] Jesus, you expected her to be all down with you being gay?
[MEGAN silently gets up and leaves room, exiting stage right, still wearing blank expression. Maybe moves woodenly?]
Jackson: [eyes follow Megan out, then looks back at Percy.] I guess I did.
Percy: You're retarded.
Jackson: Have you told her about you yet?
Percy: Well, you kind of f**ked up any chance I had at saying it to her without her going berserk.
Jackson: Sorry. [looks down, slightly ashamed.]
Percy: I bet she'll think we're secretly together or something, especially if I tell her right now.
Jackson: ...Aren't we, though?
Percy:That's what makes this whole thing worse. The fact that I talked Cassidy into pretending to be my girlfriend is a miracle, but it won't cover our trail for much longer.
Jackson: I'm sorry, Percy.
Percy: [groaning] I know, I know. What can we do though? It's a stupid cliche. "We've made our bed..."
Jackson: [short chuckle] I'd like to lay in our bed.
Percy: I don't understand why I ever decided I liked you, you immature little boy.
Jackson: [opens mouth in shock]
Percy: [laughs] I'm only kidding, Jack. Calm down.
Jackson: Oh. Okay then. [pauses and pushes hands through hair] What about Megan?
Percy: She's my sister. I'll have a chat with her. She'll come 'round.
Jackson: What about telling her about you...?
Percy: I'll have to figure it out, Jack. I'll have to figure it out. [stands and walks over to Jackson] I think it's time for you to leave.
Jackson: [stands up slowly] Yeah, I should probably get home. Tell Megan that I'm... sorry. Tell her I'm sorry. Would you?
Percy: Of course I will. [holds arms out to Jackson]
Jackson: [reaches for Percy and hugs him, then pecks either his lips or cheek] Goodnight, Percy.
Percy: Goodnight, Jackson. Be safe driving home. [walks Jackson over to the front door and lets him out, then watches until Jackson has exited stage left, then faces towards the audience, but is talking to himself] God. This is going to be so difficult.
Scene change:
Quick black-out to a bland hallway/doorway setting, dead center. Megan's bedroom is behind the door, but we don't see her sitting on the bed if we're sitting center audience. Relight. Percy walks from DL towards door.]
Megan: [is sitting on bed behind the door, and we can hear her talking really loud on a phone.] "So?" Lisa, my boyfriend just told me that he's GAY. This is horible! This is bloody AWFUL! This isn't a "so" situation! Why are you so nonchalant?
Percy: [knocks]
Megan: GO AWAY, JACKSON!
Percy: If I was Jackson, I'd shoot myself!
Megan: [snorts] Still, go away. I want to be alone.
[Percy opens door. Short blue-out; door is removed and Megan's bedroom is put together. Add a table with a lamp and the phone base on it. Megan is sitting on her bed, phone to her ear. Window on the right side of her bed; a chair is next to it. Relight.]
Percy: I need to talk to you. [is standing by the window, facing her.]
Megan: Hold on a second. [moves mouthpiece back to her face] Lisa? [pauses] Lisa, I have to go. I'll call you back later or something, okay? [pauses] Yeah, yeah. Thanks. [hangs up the phone then looks at Percy] What do you want?
Percy: [pulls up the chair to the side of her bed, knees toward audience, angled torso toward Megan. Hands clasped.] How are you holding up?
Megan: I'm not good, if that's what you're asking. Not happy at all.
Percy: What else are you feeling?
Megan: Since when are you a shrink?
Percy: I'm just trying to get you to talk. I know that when I stew over my problems, they fester and become worse than they were in the first place. I want to make sure that doesn't happen to you, so I'm asking shrink questions and playing heart doctor tonight. [smiles]
Megan: [smiles back] In that case, I'm feeling hurt, terribly lost, confused, a little angry [receives a raised eyebrow from Percy] a LOT angry, and betrayed. [mumbles something under her breath]
Percy: What was that last thing?
Megan: I didn't say anything.
Percy: You so did!
Megan: I just said I was a little [mumble], that's all.
Percy: Tell me what you're saying in clear, perfect English or I'll... I'll tickle you!
Megan: [covers sides with arms and scoots away from Percy] I just said I was a little jealous.
Percy: Oh. [slightly awkward silence, then Percy coughs] Why?
Megan: What?
Percy: Why are you jealous of him?
Megan: I don't really want to talk about it.
Percy: What did I just say about festering emotions and being your doc?
Megan: I'm a stubborn, uncooperative patient.
Percy: I'm part Ticklemonster, and I'm going to get you in about two seconds. Give or take a couple.
Megan: Percy, don't be gay. [Percy raises hands in a 'tickle' position and leans toward Megan, an evil smile on his face. Megan, in a warning voice] Percy! [He extends his arm toward her and slightly sits up out of his chair] PERCY! NO! [Percy begins to climb up ontot the bed. Megan has scooted as far to the end as possible.] Okay! I'l cooperate! Just don't tickle me. I'm not in the mood, man.
Percy: That's more like it. [returns to chair] So. Why you jealous?
Megan: I.. I don't know.
Percy: You're a rotten liar.
Megan: So? You're a rotten cook!
Percy: Touche. But we're not cooking. So why are you jealous?
Megan: I don't really want to tell you.
Percy: Why? You can trust your awesome, handsome, super cool big brother with anything... that isn't related to 'girl time'.
Megan: [slight smile] Oh, alright.
Percy: Spill your juicy secret. Now. Before I turn ninety!
Megan: Okay! Jesus. [giggles?] I'm a little jealous of him because he can admit that he's gay.
Percy: Ha, what, and you can't?
Megan: [stares pointedly at Percy]
Percy: Oh... OH! [pauses] Are you lesbian or something? I totally missed something.
Megan: Oh, for Christ's sake. No, I'm not lesbian. I think I'm more bisexual.
Percy: [unintelligible mumble]
Megan: What?
Percy: Nothing.
Megan: You made me tell you what I mumbled. Your turn.
Percy: Ugh!
Megan: I know you didn't say ugh.
Percy: [sighs] It's a bad time to bring it up. So never mind, Megan, just never mind. Leave it at that, would you?
Megan: No, I can't do. I'm your sister. I'm supposed to bug you and annoy you and find out information you don't want me to know. Your turn, Percy. Spill.
Percy: Whhyyyy?
Megan: Because it's only fair!
Percy: Ugh. Okay. Fine. But you HAVE to promise to NOT FREAK OUT.
Megan: Okay, I promise. Quit stalling.
Percy: I said...
Megan: Said...
Percy: I said...
Megan: Hurry it up!
Percy: I said...
Megan: OH MY GOD! You're so annoying!
Percy: It must run in the family.
Megan: What, annoying me? Jesus. I'm not even half as annoying as y-
Percy: [cuts off Megan] No. I said it must run in the family.
Megan: What must run in the family? I don't get it.
Percy: Too bad for you then.
Megan: Can't you pretty-please explain it?
Percy: Nah.
Megan: So my boyfriend tells me he's gay, I'm close to a breaking point, I'm practically welling over with tears, and you can't be nice to me? Something is seriously wrong with you, Percy.
Percy: I don't do guilt trips, either.
Megan: [sighs] Okay then. So what were we talking about?
Percy: You thinking you're gay.
Megan: Half-gay, technically.
Percy: Yeah, yeah. Half-gay. Whatever. How do you know?
Megan: You don't want to go there.
Percy: I just did, so burn! How do you know?
Megan: Because I might have a crush?
Percy: Ooohhh! On who?
Megan: No dice.
Percy: What if I explain what I said?
Megan: Maybe.
Percy: I need a concrete answer!
Megan: Fine. Yes, but only if you answer any questions I have regarding what you said completely without complaining.
Percy: Suits me. What were you confused about?
Megan: Okay, so what actually runs in the family, according to you?
Percy: Being gay.
Megan: Why do you say that?
Percy: Because I'm gay. And you're halfsie.
Megan: You're WHAT?! [pause, splutter] WHAT?!?!?!
Percy: [throws hands up] SURPRISE! [cheesy grin]
Megan: [glares at Percy] When were oyu planning on telling me?!
Percy: I was hoping you'd guess?
Megan: You were hoping that I, being oblivious, would suddenly happen upon you, my painfully shy elder brother, and make the conclusion that you must be gay?
Percy: Well, yeah. My male logic is concrete.
Megan: You're kidding. You're so kidding. Haha, good one, Perc. We can't both be gay.
Percy: Well, we are.
Megan: UGH. S**t.
Percy: So, are you done with questions?
Megan: Do you think Mom and Dad...?
Percy: Oh, no. I know for a fact that they were greatly in love with one another.
Megan: Okay. I'm done then, I guess.
Percy: Okay. Sorry.
Megan: It's fine. I'll be fine. It'll be a bad nightmare when I wake up.
Percy: [coughs] Anyway. Who do you have a crush on?
Megan: I don't feel like keeping our deal anymore.
Percy: Why not?
Megan: It'll hurt you if I tell you, I think.
Percy: Mo, it can't hurt me. Tell me, Megan.
Megan: Cassidy.
Percy: [barks a laugh] Boy, are we one twisted pair.
Megan: [cautiously] What makes you say that?
Percy: We're both gay [Megan glares at him] or at least partially, and we're both wanting each others heterosexual partner.
Megan: You like Jackson?
Percy: Sorry?
Megan: You like Jackson?
Percy: Oh. Well, yeah.
Megan: And now that he's gay...
Percy: Well, I can't necessarily go out with my sisters recent ex.
Megan: I'll trade you for Cassidy.
Percy: How do you know if Cassidy will agree to that?
Megan: She told me on one of our girl's nights while you were away.
Percy: Away? When? You had my girlfriend over without me?
Megan: This house belongs to both of us. I can have people over too.
Percy: But my girlfriend... When?
Megan: When you went on that ski trip last month.
Percy: [chokes on laughter]
Megan: What's wrong?
Percy: [coughs] Oh, nothing, snag in my windpipe [coughs hard] or something. Choking on my spit! [coughs again]
Megan: Okay... You sure?
Percy: [in a high-pitched voice] POSITIVE!
Megan: Well, I'm not positive. What are you choking on? And why are you choking?
Percy: Spit or something. [coughs] I told you! I just inhaled some the wrong way.
Megan: And I happent o be black and from Texas.
Percy: Okay, so you don't believe me. That's your opinion.
Megan: What's the REAL reason you're reacting so much from when I mentioned the ski trip?
Percy: I wasn't skiing?
Megan: What were you doing then?
Percy: Uh.
Megan: Uh, what?
Percy: Uh, don't kill me.
Megan: Uh, spit it out.
Percy: I was with Jackson at his place. [Megan is rendered speechless] I'm sorry! I'm really sorry!
Megan: [still gawking]
Percy: Forgive me?
Megan: Well, you were right. We are a twisted pair.
Percy: Why's that?
Megan: Girl nights just aren't as fun unless you like each other...
Percy: Oh ew, Megan, ew! Don't go any further! My virgin ears!
Megan: [coughs awkwardly] Yeah...
Percy: Well, since we got everything all sorted out...
Megan: No dark secrets now, I guess.
Percy: And you're feeling a bit better about Jackson?
Megan: I suppose.
Percy: Think we should tell Mom and Dad?
Megan: I guess we should let them know. It wouldn't be fair to leave them out of this tidbit of great news.
Percy: I'll drive, then.
Megan: Okay. Let me grab my coat, and I'll meet you downstairs.
[Brief curtain drop, in which Scene Setting is changed from the bedroom and hallway view to a cemetery. It's dark out, so the lights are just up enough so you can see the characters well.]
Percy: I think it's one more row over.
Megan: Are you sure? I know they're around somewhere.
Percy: They're by Mrs. Finkle, right?
Megan: I thought it was Stratsberg that they were by.
Percy: Nope! It's Finkle. I found 'em.
Megan: Oh, good. [walks over by Percy and shines her flashlight at the two tombstones[
Percy: How do we start?
Megan: I don't know! Talk like they're normal?
Percy: I've never tried telling a dead person something before.
Megan: Me either, stupid.
Percy: [clears throat] Well, here goes then.
Megan: [sighs]
Percy: Key Mom, and Dad. Uhh. I'm here with Megan!
Megan: Hi guys!
Percy: And uhh, well, we had ato share something with you-
Megan: [cuts off Percy] That's really important, and couldn't wait until we were with you.
Percy: So, yeah.
Megan: Uh.
Percy: [whispers to Megan] Rock paper scissors who says it?
Megan: [whispers back] Can't keep them waiting...
Percy: [whispers back] Fine. [clears throat again and raises voice to readdress the tombstones] Mom and Dad, Megan and I wanted to tell you.. To tell you....
Megan: That we're uhh...
Percy: Gay. We're both gay. I'm sorry, Mom, I let you down.
Megan: And I let both of you down. I know how you hated gay people-
Percy: [cuts off Megan] And how we were supposed to be perfect, but...
Megan: But we're gay, so could you please accept it?
Percy: It would be really appreciated if you did.
Megan: And by the way, I miss you guys like hell.
Percy: Yeah, the house isn't the same without you guys laughing it up in the kitchen or over some sitcom.
Megan: Percy can't cook as good as the rest of us combined, Mom.
Percy: Shut up!
Megan: And Dad, you'd be proud of him. You really would. He's really good at being my own personal shrink, and he can really keep a secret.
Percy: [wipes a tear from his cheek as inconspicuously as he can] I miss you guys a lot.
Megan: [sniffs] I'm sorry we had to disturb you about this.
Percy: We felt that you should both know that while we're homosexual-
Megan: [cuts off Percy] I'm only half-lesbian, so don't panic too much, Mom.
Percy: While we're homosexual, we both still want to make you proud by doing something amazing.
Megan: We'll still keep that promise we made.
Percy: [wipes another tear from his cheek] I guess that's all.
Megan: Goodbye, Mom. Goodbye, Dad.
Percy: Goodbye you guys. I love you.
Megan: Good luck, wherever you are.
Percy: [turns to Megan] Ready to go?
Megan: I guess so.
Percy: [holds out arm for Megan to take, and walks off stage]
The End.
The Very, Very, VERY Lame End.
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