limericks.

several limericks..

Favorites...

There once was a tall, lanky stoner
The guy was considered a loner
He sat in his room
Eatin' his shrooms
and wishing that he had a boner.

Luigi hacked off his femur
And used it to throw off the lemur
"Oh boy!" cried Luigi,
"I'm missing my knee,
But inside I know I'm a WEINER!"*

We discovered a boarded-up mansion
A plaque said it once was the Hanson's
We opened the door
What we thought was a corpse
Turned out to be Marilyn Manson.

...The In-Betweens...

A fisherman was counting his fish
Said his friend, "That there's quite a dish!"
"Not enough," replied he,
"For according to she,
I cannot fulfill any wish!"

There was an island of lepers
Who grew the spiciest peppers
The dangerous spice
Didn't hurt, which was nice
But they couldn't sell the damn peppers.

I once met the Queen Bee of Sheba
To be nice, I nicknamed her Beeba
Oh, woe is me
I pissed off a bee
But I can't get hurt, i'm Amoeba.

...and the Not-Really-Ranked-Just-Kinda-There ones. :]

My catholic priest is a man
I see him whenever I can
We have good long talks
In his cute, cozy box
And pretend that we haven't been damned.

I knew this teen girl named Faye
She was completely and utterly vain
She took a vacation
Traveled the nation
Then died 'cause of snakes on her plane.

There was this old fat guy named Beedlum
He had some bad pains in his bum
It's not over yet,
For in the toilet,
We found the remains of a REDRUM.**

A fisherman measured his catch
Walked home and pulled up his latch
"How many?" asked his wife
The fisherman strifed
That his wife wasn't as good a catch.

There once was a small boy of Frankfurt
He cried to his mom that his throat hurt
She crouched on her knees
Said, "Open up, please."
So he quickly unbuttoned his shirt WTF?

In the car, I learn about stuff
Today I learned about fluff
It's an every-day art
You'd call it a fart
But be polite - just say that you fluffed.


* = In Mario Party, Luigi will say I'M DA WINNER! but with his accent, it sounds like he says weiner.
** = REDRUM is murder spelled backwards, and was a joke at the time of writing.

Author's Note

Egad, mate. I suck.

Reviews

[Sunshine Jackson]

these are f-ing great.